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Old 03-19-2017, 07:25 PM   #16
Virginia
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Default Is This Rude?

I am a massive proponent of honoring prior arrangements. When people ditch me for something better, it hurts my feelings because I am super busy and made time for them, and it makes me feel like I am not important to them. I also do not view being asked to babysit at the last minute the same way I view a job with a set schedule.

That being said, I think it should be her choice and also her job to communicate directly with her friends

It is definitely a tough spot for her to be in, which is why I do think it's crucial she learns how to navigate it. It's going to keep happening, lol.


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Old 03-19-2017, 08:52 PM   #17
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Default Re: Is This Rude?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Virginia View Post
I am a massive proponent of honoring prior arrangements. When people ditch me for something better, it hurts my feelings because I am super busy and made time for them, and it makes me feel like I am not important to them. I also do not view being asked to babysit at the last minute the same way I view a job with a set schedule.

That being said, I think it should be her choice and also her job to communicate directly with her friends

It is definitely a tough spot for her to be in, which is why I do think it's crucial she learns how to navigate it. It's going to keep happening, lol.


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I agree about prior commitments. I usually get bailed on, but if it is watching a baby I think of it as a job, not the same as if the person decides to go shopping or have coffee with another friend.
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Old 03-20-2017, 04:08 AM   #18
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Default Re: Is This Rude?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Maedchen View Post
I agree about prior commitments. I usually get bailed on, but if it is watching a baby I think of it as a job, not the same as if the person decides to go shopping or have coffee with another friend.


I agree babysitting isn't the same as getting bailed on for another social event. I was merely pointing out that I don't equate it to a "real" job with a boss, schedule, etc.

I also think I've noticed, personally, it's easier for people to back out of commitments because we all have cell phones. It used to be that you couldn't back out at the last second because you had no way of letting that person know It is so easy to send a text now cancelling plans, and that's happened to me a bunch.


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Old 03-20-2017, 05:12 AM   #19
tempus vernum
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Default Re: Is This Rude?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Virginia View Post
I agree babysitting isn't the same as getting bailed on for another social event. I was merely pointing out that I don't equate it to a "real" job with a boss, schedule, etc.

I also think I've noticed, personally, it's easier for people to back out of commitments because we all have cell phones. It used to be that you couldn't back out at the last second because you had no way of letting that person know It is so easy to send a text now cancelling plans, and that's happened to me a bunch.


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This is interesting I have to process this. For my kids, their babysitting is their only income potential and for my eldest, she has had, car insurance and clothes to pay for. So she just doesn't turn down jobs, knowing that she may not have enough when the time comes. As her parents we've been reasonable when she's not had enough jobs; however, she's coming up on her senior year and she's scrounging as much as she can for college.

otoh, I see what u mean abt cell phones. I also see cells make a false sense of closeness in this generation. A false sense of relationship. I see so many relationships spiral from strangers to close in weeks because of 24/7 access. So I've not minded the high cancelation rate I've not really gotten cancelled on more and I chalk it up to two things: being a hermit and being older than the generation that grew up w the cells.

I always appreciate how I see two sides to every coin during these discussions
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Old 03-20-2017, 07:25 AM   #20
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Default Re: Is This Rude?

I agree it is a very tough spot. I am also a big stickler for honoring commitments, but jobs are a different reason to cancel. We aren't there yet (oldest is 13.) But, we get cancelled on enough that I rarely even make plans anymore. It's super frustrating.

That said, does your daughter frequently talk with her friends about her financial plans and goals? Because if I knew my friend was trying to get all of the work that she could, and had confided in me, then I would feel so easy about her having to cancel plans to take a job. I'd be like "go girl!"

When I was a teen, we all talked about jobs and money and such. It was a hot topic. Is it still that way?
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Old 03-20-2017, 07:31 AM   #21
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Default Re: Is This Rude?

That is true and if they dont know abouther needing to make all the $ she can to reach that goal she could tell her friend how she would much rather spend the evening with friends but that she really should take the job.again,I see this as a more informal casual gathering rather than a more formal RSVP type part in which case I wuld probably have her go
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Old 03-20-2017, 07:36 AM   #22
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Default Re: Is This Rude?

Quote:
Originally Posted by KarenBoo View Post
I agree it is a very tough spot. I am also a big stickler for honoring commitments, but jobs are a different reason to cancel. We aren't there yet (oldest is 13.) But, we get cancelled on enough that I rarely even make plans anymore. It's super frustrating.

That said, does your daughter frequently talk with her friends about her financial plans and goals? Because if I knew my friend was trying to get all of the work that she could, and had confided in me, then I would feel so easy about her having to cancel plans to take a job. I'd be like "go girl!"

When I was a teen, we all talked about jobs and money and such. It was a hot topic. Is it still that way?
For my dc, yes. Especially because most are really busy teens who don't have a ton of time for working. Right now, kids are all thinking abt summer plans (either saving or trying to consider if they have time for jobs).
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Old 03-20-2017, 08:23 AM   #23
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Default Re: Is This Rude?

Thanks for all the input. I am enjoying this interesting discussion.

I do see babysitting as a bit different. On one hand, there is no manager scheduling you, but on the other hand, you are at the mercy of people asking you to babysit, and you don't know when the next job will come. And, if you say no, you might not get asked again. DD is trying to get regular clientele nd be their "go-to" sitter. This is one of those families.

I do not think she has discussed her financial goals with these girls. I think she has with one of the other girls that were invited over, but not the hosts.

Also, it is not like it is one or two days notice. She would be giving the hosting girls a week's notice. It was not a birthday or anything. The mom just said in her email that she wanted to give her girls fellowship opportunities more often. The girls are not allowed participate in any of the churches student or youth group activities, so they try to invite people over.
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Old 03-20-2017, 08:33 AM   #24
tempus vernum
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Default Re: Is This Rude?

I completely understand wanting to be the "goto" sitter. My dd1 left a family camping trip a day early last year to help earn this status it's been extremely fruitful for her. Now, a year later, she can offer her sibling as a back up since he watches them too. (This is her voice teacher and ds sometimes babysits during dd's lessons )

A warning bell just rang when u said they r restricted from those types of social activities. Trying not to judge and treading lightly because everyone's family rules are different ... but in this situation if most communication is through the parent, If u allow her to cancel, I would make the explanation myself even if your dd tells her friend. That's all I feel comfy saying in a public forum.
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Old 03-20-2017, 08:55 AM   #25
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Default Re: Is This Rude?

Quote:
Originally Posted by RealLifeMama View Post
And, if you say no, you might not get asked again.
This is huge imo. And something that we have found to be completely true. People get in routines as to who they ask and tend to ask the same person... Once that routine is broken they are forced to find someone else and may fall in to that routine.

I get that it's sometimes necessary but a definite consideration in the decision.
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Old 03-20-2017, 09:17 AM   #26
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Default Re: Is This Rude?

One weeks notice is plenty.I would think. And agree that you should let them know if that is how you already communicate with this particular mom about such things. Babysitting is a job like any other that you get paid for and agree that they may not call back thinking she is just too busy with other things these days
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