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Old 01-31-2018, 07:02 PM   #1
The Tickle Momster
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Default Meals, ugh!

This is kind of a vent, kind of a plea for help.

I used to do a good job of meal planning. Lately I've been a bit lax. However, much of the joy of meal preparation has gone out the door. I can think of a few reasons. One, I don't like my kitchen. It is long & narrow & hard to maneuver wihtout taking lots of steps or bumping into anyone else who may be there. Two, it seems like no matter what I choose to make, someone won't eat it.

Today, I actually had a plan for lunch. That almost never happens. It was shot down by all 4 kids. I had a plan for snack. One child opted to make himself something different. I don't mind that much, except that I actually prepared a snack.

Maybe this is a big family issue. Maybe this is an "I'm too easy/soft." issue.

It is so discouraging.
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Old 01-31-2018, 07:14 PM   #2
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Default Re: Meals, ugh!

I will commiserate. No matter what I make I have resigned myself to someone not liking it. It is discouraging. And then if I try something new or that I particularly like, there is so much feedback, mostly negative I mostly rotate through things that 4-5/6 of us like, but that gets boring after awhile. Then we cycle through new stuff and lots of complaints. I keep hoping it will get better as they get older (mine are ages 4-9)
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Old 01-31-2018, 08:57 PM   #3
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Default Re: Meals, ugh!

We eat dinner without my oldest some nights because she refuses so much. (She eats soon after but something she can make herself.)



My son will still eat anything.

It's frustrating.
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Old 01-31-2018, 09:39 PM   #4
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Default Re: Meals, ugh!

I'm mostly just tired of all the parts of feeding them. Planning. Executing. Serving. Cleaning up. Finding plates, cups, mugs silverware in the living room.

My oldest is 16 and not even home for dinner. But she needs stuff she can take with her and eat easily. Most of our dinners are not. Working on her having them for lunch and taking a sandwich for dinner.
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Old 01-31-2018, 10:03 PM   #5
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Default Re: Meals, ugh!

All of the work involved in meals is easily the most discouraging task in my week. Planning, shopping, cooking, cleaning up, doing it all again the next day, hearing all of the complaints, trying to pick meals that aren't boring but aren't too much work but are nutritious while also being something most of the kids will probably eat - I hear you. It's exhausting.

I lessen the burden a bit by having each person choose one meal (so I have to plan less) - but then they tend to each pick their favourite meal every week, so that doesn't always work very well. I have my oldest cook one meal each week, and DH usually does at least one meal per week, so that also helps. When they leave the dinner table, they each take their dishes plus one other thing. No one eats in the living room, but mine are younger than yours so I'll bet that's a lot easier for me to enforce for now.

I don't know. All the usual tips, but it really doesn't make the whole process any less discouraging. I told DH tonight that I was just going to outsource dinners because I just can't anymore. He didn't seem to think that would be very economical.

And the kitchen thing does make I huge difference. One of our houses had a very narrow kitchen, no wider than a hallway, and I hated cooking with a passion the whole time we lived there. Our next kitchen was much more open and it made an incredible difference in how I felt about making meals.

Sorry no help, just commiseration.
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Old 01-31-2018, 10:51 PM   #6
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Default Re: Meals, ugh!

I am so with you.
The meals are a huge mental burden, as well as a physical one. Yet, when they are planned and done, the rest of life moves more smoothly.

Honestly, I do think that having a family on the larger side makes it more difficult. The quantities, amounts of chopping, amount of dishes, etc is just so much more. I seriously aim for having 2/3 of the 9 people eat it happily at dinner. Lunch and breakfast and snacks, I always have two kids that eat something else because they don't like what I made. The worst thing, though, is that sometimes, I will realize that one kid, usually a littler one, has not eaten all day until 3pm or so when he is totally melting.

My oldest two make a lot of smoothies when they have to go somewhere and will be gone at dinner time. My DD discovered Tone It Up protein powder (from Target) and it is super good- not chalky at all. She usually makes a shake with that, some spinach, some pom juice and almond milk, and whatever fruit. It holds here for 4 hours of dance. Would something like that help your oldest?

Oh, I recently discovered PrepDish. It is still a novelty for me, so it has made things a little more fun for the last few weeks. I only make three of the dinners, but it has helped a bit.
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Old 01-31-2018, 11:29 PM   #7
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Default Re: Meals, ugh!

I was so burned out on the executive aspect of it that I was ready to put everyone on gruel three times a day.

I decided to spend the money on PlateJoy and I'm much happier. And we're saving money at the grocery store and eating a much wider variety of vegetables. They have a free trial, if you're interested.
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Old 02-01-2018, 12:27 AM   #8
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Default Re: Meals, ugh!

We are struggling with this, too We also deal with finding things everyone will eat. Someone always dislikes whatever it is I or dh makes. And we have multiple different diets going on in the house, with some food allergies mixed in. My dh eats low carb, teenage dd eats vegetarian (this is recent, so I am not sure if this is a permanent change yet or not). Plus myself and 4 other kids who all have various likes/dislikes...and of course, everyone has different food allergies. I have resigned to having easy, microwaveable food stocked in the freezer, so if someone doesn't like whatever it is that we made, they can make one of those items themselves. It's not ideal, and I don't particularly like that, but it is what it is.
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Old 02-01-2018, 03:18 AM   #9
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Default Re: Meals, ugh!

I struggle with this all the time, and I “only” have two kiddos. But I have an *extremely* picky dh-the man has never eaten any veggie other than corn or potatoes and I don’t even count those as veggies really. He’s all about texture-whatever I fix can’t have any kinds of chunks-so no tomatoes or onions of any kind.

Ds is quickly following in his footsteps, although he is a typical teenage boy and will generally scarf down anything I put in front of him, as long as it’s meat and potatoes or something fun like tacos, calzone, chicken pie (no veggies!)

Dd is having all kinds of stomach issues that we can’t pinpoint the cause. She can eat something this week and be fine, but in two weeks she’ll have cramps and diarrhea after eating a previously ok meal. So I have to either make sure I have a few trusty standbys for her (chicken nuggets, corn dogs etc) if I fix a meal that she doesn’t think will agree with her. I used to not fix the meal, but it’s gotten to the point that 3out of 5 days that I suggest something she thinks she won’t be able to tolerate it.

Add in to the fact that I feel my best in the morning and by dinner time I’m in misery, meal planning is just hard right now.

I should say though, that every time I cook a meal I hear all kinds of compliments from all of them. They are all appreciative of any kind of effort I put forth, and honestly dh is so great. He truly doesn’t care if I cook a meal or not. I can’t tell you how many times he’ll say that a bowl of cereal is just fine. All of that after working 10 hours in a furniture factory and not even eating lunch. (He’d rather nap during his 45 minute lunch than eat.)
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Old 02-01-2018, 07:48 AM   #10
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Default Re: Meals, ugh!

I only have two littles ( who can't really cook there own thing yet, and are used to my draconian rules about food only being in the kitchen/ dining room) but oh yes this is so so hard!

I meal plan on Sunday and will ask for input at that point. I will generally take what ever they suggest and out it on the menu. Most often no one has any ideas. When they complain about a meal latter in the week I will point back to the no ideas when I was planning. I will start a list mid week if they come up with things that they wish we were having. Dh neaver has any option on food, he will eat and appreciate what ever I make, which is nice but also madening at times.

One I the meal planning things I looked at ( it was a free ' meal planning boot camp' most of it was fairly useless make a list if the food you have plans to use it up bla bla the normal) said that most people only have about 12 to 24 meals they make. It suggested sitting down and writing them all down. We eat fairly sesionaly so I know I will need to think about the summer things we eating differently. But it was helpful to think back over the past few weeks and write down what we have been eating. And to know that it is is normal to east the same thing every few weeks.

I also use yummly when I am sick if cooking the same thing and want something new. It is a serch function for recipes. I love that you can filter them so that everything I get is gluten, dairy and soy free and also doesn't have pumpkin or butter nut squash ( for the most part, occasionally some things slip though but generally it is quite amazing). So I can do things like serch for cheese broccoli casserole and come up with vegen options. You can also sort by cooking method ( roasting, crockpot, prusher cooker)and calories content. I also love that I can put random thing in the serch function when I am brain dead and meal planning, things like ' fast dinner' or ' pot luck'. It has really helped me when I am completely brain dead, and I have discovered some recipes that are now in our normal rotation.

Meal planing is the main way I anchor my week, it is something that I put as a priority over planning out school ( I don't think this is necessary best) because with out it everything is horrable. I keep trying to come up with ways to spread out the brain power of the planning, but thus far with out much luck.

I am toying with trying to make up longer term meal plans and doing more mail order food things, like butcher box and amizon, but that a far off dream as of yet.

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Old 02-01-2018, 01:05 PM   #11
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Default Re: Meals, ugh!

Quote:
Originally Posted by The Tickle Momster View Post

Maybe this is a big family issue. Maybe this is an "I'm too easy/soft." issue.
We have a big family. I intentionally plan meals that I think everyone will enjoy. But, if not? What I cook is what I cook. It's dinner. They set the table, light the candles, get reminded that it's "dinner table voices, ears before mouth (no interrupting)." No one takes a bite until Mom sits down.

Mom doesn't clear the table. No one is excused until everyone is done eating and the table is completely clear.

It's not just about food. Evening meal is a family event and they must be kind and polite.

I don't know if that helps any.
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Old 02-01-2018, 08:35 PM   #12
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Default Re: Meals, ugh!

At one point when dh was home (maybe this was during a layoff?) I remember quitting, just quitting and letting him take over meal prep and execution. I did laundry and everything else, but I just couldn't. I wonder if I was pregnant, like 1st trimester? It was a long time ago. Whenever it was, it helped recharge me and helped him understand, though I don't recommend it as a long term solution.

My current solution is to make the biggest batches I can manage, in hopes of leftovers. I rotate through meals that please different people, and I try to keep some staples in the freezer for my pickiest eaters. If you don't like what I've made today, you can fix yourself some leftovers from the meal you liked yesterday or something we've frozen from before, or make pbj, etc. That way, I'm still making a variety, but only cooking once. The extra work of substitution is on the child being picky. I also try to think about sides pleasing the kids who are left out, if it's a meal with sides instead of one-dish.

Depending on where a child is at, I may require them to help make a disliked food, have a spoonful on their plate, smell it, touch it, lick it, chew it, swallow a bite....however far they can get. Some of them cannot even remotely handle the task of swallowing a disliked food without gagging, so the one-bite rule has never worked....seeing it on the plate, smelling it, or licking it with permission to spit and get a drink might be as far as we can get for the time being. I've explained that repeated exposure will help them learn to tolerate and eventually like more foods, and that sometimes they'll even like something right away, and that continuing to try is necessary because otherwise their food list will just get narrower as they tire of things. But I don't force them to actually eat, b/c the sensory issues are too much...they really gag on anything outside their comfort zone. So, I make it for other people to normalize it, and let them observe people eating it, and gradually experience in minimal ways.

---------- Post added at 10:35 PM ---------- Previous post was at 10:24 PM ----------

I haven't started yet, but I'm hoping to work on the Once-and-for-all Meal Plan by the Psychowith6 blog. (Pyschologist currently SAHM with 6 kids).

Main idea is to list everything you already eat and make comfortably, and shape that into a meal plan. Leave some days to try new things, but start with what you're already doing. Change gradually as desired.
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Old 02-01-2018, 10:02 PM   #13
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Default Re: Meals, ugh!

I appreciate everyone's responses. I think part of my issue is figuring out how to manage when we are not all home for meals. Or before meals. I make a LOT in the intstant pot. I don't repeat meals more than once a month if I can help it. If I make it too often they tire of it and won't eat it.

Quote:
I lessen the burden a bit by having each person choose one meal (so I have to plan less) - but then they tend to each pick their favourite meal every week, so that doesn't always work very well. I have my oldest cook one meal each week, and DH usually does at least one meal per week, so that also helps.
I do this too. I have Sweet Pea scheduled to make dinner on Sunday night. The ONLY night we are all home for dinner. However, with her schedule, she often forgets and doesn't plan ahead. Maybe if she & I plan a month at a time for Sunday night.

Quote:
And the kitchen thing does make I huge difference. One of our houses had a very narrow kitchen, no wider than a hallway, and I hated cooking with a passion the whole time we lived there. Our next kitchen was much more open and it made an incredible difference in how I felt about making meals.
Thank you for this! I often feel ungrateful for not liking my kitchen. It really does make a difference.

Quote:
The meals are a huge mental burden, as well as a physical one. Yet, when they are planned and done, the rest of life moves more smoothly.

Honestly, I do think that having a family on the larger side makes it more difficult. The quantities, amounts of chopping, amount of dishes, etc is just so much more. I seriously aim for having 2/3 of the 9 people eat it happily at dinner. Lunch and breakfast and snacks, I always have two kids that eat something else because they don't like what I made. The worst thing, though, is that sometimes, I will realize that one kid, usually a littler one, has not eaten all day until 3pm or so when he is totally melting.

My oldest two make a lot of smoothies when they have to go somewhere and will be gone at dinner time. My DD discovered Tone It Up protein powder (from Target) and it is super good- not chalky at all. She usually makes a shake with that, some spinach, some pom juice and almond milk, and whatever fruit. It holds here for 4 hours of dance. Would something like that help your oldest?

Oh, I recently discovered PrepDish. It is still a novelty for me, so it has made things a little more fun for the last few weeks. I only make three of the dinners, but it has helped a bit.
Yes, a mental burden. And, the quantity. We do very little veggies because the amount of prep time is way more than I often have. I really need to reframe my thinking and find a way to get it done. Dd does make smoothies. I need to look into that protein powder. We are a mostly df house. And, I'll look into PrepDish. Never heard of it before.

As far as kids having dishes all over. We homeschool and have a great room. So dining area and living area are one big long room. The dining table is often covered in kids books, papers etc. I would like us to have it clear for dinner. We have little in the way of shelves for storing their supplies and dd often leaves her stuff on the table as she heads out to work. That's all on me to work on fixing. I just don't have the energy to enforce many days.

Action steps I'm finding in this thread to make things better:
1. Sit down & Sunday dinner plan with dd
2. Meal plan
3. Work out a food prep schedule of some sort. Either veggie prep or something similar
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Old 02-01-2018, 11:37 PM   #14
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Default Re: Meals, ugh!

I buy the clamshell package of baby spinach or baby power greens.

Baby field greens get slimy very quickly but not the spinach or power greens.

I add them right at the end of whatever I'm cooking, just until wilted. No prep.

You can buy organic carrots already grated.

For homeschool books and papers each kid has a big plastic craft box. They have to put their things in there. The boxes stack easily. Another option is to have a wire basket hanging on the wall for each kid.

Also, at our house, dinner doesn't start until the table is cleared and set. Dh used to be in the bad habit of telling them, "go put your papers somewhere." I had to get him in the habit of saying, "go put your papers where they belong." I have a zero tolerance policy for shuffling things from one inappropriate place to another inappropriate place.

Nobody eats until this is done. I see it as teaching respect for the person who is preparing them a meal. Not just food, a meal.
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Old 02-02-2018, 04:40 AM   #15
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Default Re: Meals, ugh!

Quote:
Originally Posted by The Tickle Momster View Post

As far as kids having dishes all over. We homeschool and have a great room. So dining area and living area are one big long room. The dining table is often covered in kids books, papers etc. I would like us to have it clear for dinner. We have little in the way of shelves for storing their supplies and dd often leaves her stuff on the table as she heads out to work. That's all on me to work on fixing. I just don't have the energy to enforce many days.
Oh this is super hard. And can make as much emotion diffrent around dinner as having a functional kitchen. I feel like I spend a quarter of my day switching the table from food to school to food to school to food to school and back to food. It is exsausting and ocasionaly I don't feed the children a snack that they probably need because I don't want to have to deal with picking up school stuff

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and my little Wiggle Worm born 33 weeks who is nine.
How do I have a teenager?! I don't feel ready for this.
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