How to deal with an emotionally intense child?

I would love some advice and insight about how to deal with a kid with big, intense emotions. I am on the verge of tears, because every time I gear up to give GD another go, my son, who is 5, has another day of tears, fits, big angry emotions. I am at a complete loss as to how to deal. Calmly talking might work for a moment, but once something happens to set him off, he's upset and crying again. He also has big positive emotions too...if he gets laughing, he laughs until he's out of control.

Please, give me some direction. Tools for handling this? A book to read? I am overwhelmed.

[rcsmom]

Wow- that sounds like my little guy to a T. I call him intense- when he is happy he is intensely happy, when he is sad he is intensely sad. A couple of good books that I have read have been Your Spirited Child, Dealing with Disappointment, Positive Discipline. On thing that has been helpful for us is to role play situations together in a good time. We also talk a lot about ways to help ourselves calm down- modeling, practicing in a non upset time. Talking about feeling and how feelings are OK but are different from actions has been helpful too. I have also been taking a look at his sleep and what he eats- sugar is an issue not just for him but for me also. One thing I realized is that growing up in a home where happy was the only acceptable emotion is that I never really learned to deal with my unhappy emotions- just not show them. So once I was out on my own I had no idea how to handle my anger when I was allowed to show it. Not what I want for my little guy.

[Jeanette598]

I second the suggestion of Dealing with Disappointment. It has some great practical tools for helping kids manage their huge emotions. The same author (Elizabeth Crary) also has a series of kids' books about feelings. Raising a Spirited Child by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka is really good too. That one gave me better perspective into how my dd's brain worked and also helped me not feel so alone in dealing with a challenging kid.

My dd1 was super intense at that age and it was awful to constantly feel like I was walking on eggshells. I am a very calm person most of the time, so it upset my equilibrium to have huge emotions expressed constantly. I had to learn that I was not responsible for dd1's happiness. Sometimes when she reacted all I could do was express sympathy and then remove myself/stay neutral. At times I could coach her through her feelings, using the tools in the books above, but sometimes she would have none of it and we just had to wait it out. She is a huge introvert and was usually helped by time alone. FWIW, she is now 10 and can regulate her reactions MUCH better than she used to.

Thank you for the book suggestions! I added them to my library list.

I'm unsure of whether I have an introvert on my hands or not. He gets more energy from being with others, and has a lot of fun, but it's energy which winds him up....he becomes out of control, running around, sweaty. He wants to be playing with someone, rather than be on his own. If his sister won't play, he cannot deal...will not go outside to play on his own. I think he craves stimulation. So, extrovert? We do have quiet time every day, so I know he can read and play quietly by himself for a couple of hours, but he doesn't like it.

The sugar question came up too. We do have treats around here, not all the time, but I don't set huge limits. Perhaps some of his behavior could be helped by diet? I think he has blood sugar issues and may be hypoglycemic. I know it's something I have myself.

Thank you for talking this out with me. I'm about to go get him for the morning, and I'm anxious about what the day holds.

Angela