Husband is fed up with the biting

Stefanierose88 · 07-30-2014, 08:50 AM

Li and Noemi have been fighting a lot lately and one thing both me and husband really are upset over is biting. Li is usually the one who bites, and she has been doing it a lot lately. We often intervene right before she is able to do it, but sometimes we are too late. Regardless it is upsetting behavior. I do not feel spankings are ever ok and I also don't feel it would benefit the situation AT ALL. Of course, I am here on GCM. My husband was raised with frequent physical abuse and he is saying that he thinks he may need to spank Li soon if she keeps biting. I don't know if he actually will do it, he does want very badly to do gentle discipline and I think he would feel absolutely awful if he did do it. He is just feeling out of control and wanting to fix the situation. I told him that there may not be a "fix", in other words, some of it may require waiting for her to grow up more while doing everything we can to reduce the behavior.

I am unsure of how to respond to him further. I don't want him to feel so out of control and I don't want him to feel like spanking is the only answer. The best case with spanking is that Li would be so terrified of being physically hurt that she would stop biting, not exactly what want and I know that is not truly what he wants either. He adores them both, but gentle parenting is not what he was raised with at all and I think he reverts to old thinking patterns when he feels upset over behavior he cant stop in the girls.

What would you say or do in this situation if your spouse said that?

3PeasInAPod · 07-30-2014, 10:56 AM

How old are they?

mamacat · 07-30-2014, 11:39 AM

The biter is 18 months old? One of dynamics is that she is probably getting molars.It may help to give her something she can bite on to meet that need like some kind of chewelry. She is still a baby! If you could intruct older child to move way from her and not engage before she bites might be helpful and tell her sometimes a baby will bite when they get upset

Kiara.I · 07-30-2014, 12:01 PM

Response to him? "How is physically hurting her going to teach her that physically hurting other people isn't acceptable?"

Llee · 07-30-2014, 12:15 PM

Are you treating for teething pain?

Stefanierose88 · 07-30-2014, 02:18 PM

that is basically what I said to him. I know he gets frustrated but I really do try to emphasis that she is so little still. Its something we probably cant stomp out immediately.

She has her molars in already but they just came in recently. She doesn't seem to be in pain, shes done the biting thing for a while now. She is 20 months old and started around 12 months. DD1 was never into biting but she also didn't have a sibling to bother her!

Kiara.I · 07-30-2014, 05:24 PM

My second was my biter, too.

sara1215 · 07-30-2014, 06:37 PM

My dd2 is also a biter. She only bites her big sister when she is in her space. It's hard to teach other ways to express her anger.

mamacat · 07-30-2014, 06:50 PM

Even when not teething having that biting kind of chewelry may help.If she starts to bite someone you can tell her the chewelry is for biting

Stefanierose88 · 07-31-2014, 01:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mamacat

Even when not teething having that biting kind of chewelry may help.If she starts to bite someone you can tell her the chewelry is for biting

good idea, that works a lot with her, like "you cant hit x but you can hit y"

ShepherdsWife · 08-05-2014, 10:52 AM

My 18 month old started biting us when he was playing or frustrated.

Giving a chewable item helps and ALOT of repeated, "that hurts", "owie". Mine never liked pacifiers, but at this stage he loved biting them so I kept a few around. It was a really hard time for my DH too with spanking. He wanted to spank if it didn't quit. Eventually it did, but it took a while and we didn't have to "spank it out".
Oh! I also noticed ours did it more at night and when he was tired. If you see a pattern emerging maybe some prevention like bringing out the chewable toys ahead of time would help or a snack or popsicle or teething rub. I know I would get the pacifier and sippy cup out close to "biting" time. I would encourage some pacifier biting before the first attempt began.

07-30-2014, 08:50 AM	#1
Stefanierose88 Rose Blossom Faith, Torah, Family Join Date: May 2014 Location: NJ, USA Posts: 171	Husband is fed up with the biting Li and Noemi have been fighting a lot lately and one thing both me and husband really are upset over is biting. Li is usually the one who bites, and she has been doing it a lot lately. We often intervene right before she is able to do it, but sometimes we are too late. Regardless it is upsetting behavior. I do not feel spankings are ever ok and I also don't feel it would benefit the situation AT ALL. Of course, I am here on GCM. My husband was raised with frequent physical abuse and he is saying that he thinks he may need to spank Li soon if she keeps biting. I don't know if he actually will do it, he does want very badly to do gentle discipline and I think he would feel absolutely awful if he did do it. He is just feeling out of control and wanting to fix the situation. I told him that there may not be a "fix", in other words, some of it may require waiting for her to grow up more while doing everything we can to reduce the behavior. I am unsure of how to respond to him further. I don't want him to feel so out of control and I don't want him to feel like spanking is the only answer. The best case with spanking is that Li would be so terrified of being physically hurt that she would stop biting, not exactly what want and I know that is not truly what he wants either. He adores them both, but gentle parenting is not what he was raised with at all and I think he reverts to old thinking patterns when he feels upset over behavior he cant stop in the girls. What would you say or do in this situation if your spouse said that? __________________ Me: 27, DH: 44 Noemi- 5yr Liora- 3yr Zipporah- 20 months BABY BOY- due oct2016

07-30-2014, 10:56 AM	#2
3PeasInAPod Deactivated Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: pnw Posts: 8,571	Re: Husband is fed up with the biting How old are they?

07-30-2014, 11:39 AM	#3
mamacat Rose Garden Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 26,473	Re: Husband is fed up with the biting The biter is 18 months old? One of dynamics is that she is probably getting molars.It may help to give her something she can bite on to meet that need like some kind of chewelry. She is still a baby! If you could intruct older child to move way from her and not engage before she bites might be helpful and tell her sometimes a baby will bite when they get upset __________________ ~Catherine~ Mama to 5: C W C J S And Grandma to 3: A ,K and baby C

07-30-2014, 12:01 PM	#4
Kiara.I Rose Garden Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: The Pacific South-West. You know, north of the Pacific North-West Posts: 12,922	Re: Husband is fed up with the biting Response to him? "How is physically hurting her going to teach her that physically hurting other people isn't acceptable?" __________________ ENTP fits me to a T, though it took me forever to figure it out! DYT Type 3, Enn. Type 1 (hold that thought...enneagram crisis...might be a 7!) Sparks (9) ; Spitfire (8); Sprite (4.5)

07-30-2014, 12:15 PM	#5
Llee Moderator Dancing stands with all seahorses who are journeying to freedom Join Date: Jul 2009 Posts: 19,196	Re: Husband is fed up with the biting Are you treating for teething pain? __________________ It's me, dh, Dressy Bessy (Sept 08) and Dancing Daisy (May 10) Lead the children to see in every pleasant and beautiful thing an expression of God's love for them. Recommend your religion to them by its pleasantness. Let the law of kindness be in your lips. ~Ellen G. White

07-30-2014, 02:18 PM	#6
Stefanierose88 Rose Blossom Faith, Torah, Family Join Date: May 2014 Location: NJ, USA Posts: 171	Re: Husband is fed up with the biting that is basically what I said to him. I know he gets frustrated but I really do try to emphasis that she is so little still. Its something we probably cant stomp out immediately. She has her molars in already but they just came in recently. She doesn't seem to be in pain, shes done the biting thing for a while now. She is 20 months old and started around 12 months. DD1 was never into biting but she also didn't have a sibling to bother her! __________________ Me: 27, DH: 44 Noemi- 5yr Liora- 3yr Zipporah- 20 months BABY BOY- due oct2016

07-30-2014, 05:24 PM	#7
Kiara.I Rose Garden Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: The Pacific South-West. You know, north of the Pacific North-West Posts: 12,922	Re: Husband is fed up with the biting My second was my biter, too. __________________ ENTP fits me to a T, though it took me forever to figure it out! DYT Type 3, Enn. Type 1 (hold that thought...enneagram crisis...might be a 7!) Sparks (9) ; Spitfire (8); Sprite (4.5)

07-30-2014, 06:37 PM	#8
sara1215 Rose Blossom This is my story Join Date: Apr 2014 Location: Michigan Posts: 203	Re: Husband is fed up with the biting My dd2 is also a biter. She only bites her big sister when she is in her space. It's hard to teach other ways to express her anger. __________________ Sara (36) , Wife to Nick , mom to Ainsley Joy (2/22/09) and Raegan Victoria (1/15/12) TTC one more blessing if it is in God's plan

07-30-2014, 06:50 PM	#9
mamacat Rose Garden Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 26,473	Re: Husband is fed up with the biting Even when not teething having that biting kind of chewelry may help.If she starts to bite someone you can tell her the chewelry is for biting __________________ ~Catherine~ Mama to 5: C W C J S And Grandma to 3: A ,K and baby C

08-05-2014, 10:52 AM	#11
ShepherdsWife Rose Bouquet Full-time Mom to DS 8/13/12, Wife to the Sheep Man, and Rancher to 8000 momma sheep(ewes) :) Join Date: Mar 2013 Posts: 739	Re: Husband is fed up with the biting My 18 month old started biting us when he was playing or frustrated. Giving a chewable item helps and ALOT of repeated, "that hurts", "owie". Mine never liked pacifiers, but at this stage he loved biting them so I kept a few around. It was a really hard time for my DH too with spanking. He wanted to spank if it didn't quit. Eventually it did, but it took a while and we didn't have to "spank it out". Oh! I also noticed ours did it more at night and when he was tired. If you see a pattern emerging maybe some prevention like bringing out the chewable toys ahead of time would help or a snack or popsicle or teething rub. I know I would get the pacifier and sippy cup out close to "biting" time. I would encourage some pacifier biting before the first attempt began. __________________ Full-time Mom, Wife, and Sheep Rancher Wife to the "Sheep Man" DS August 2012 DD December 2014

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