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Old 04-10-2005, 09:09 PM   #16
findingjoy
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Default Re: Why not time outs?

This was wonderful! After reading it, I immediately sent it to my dh. Then I read the other replies and saw that I wasn't the only one!
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Old 04-11-2005, 06:56 PM   #17
Lois
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great insight!
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Old 04-12-2005, 06:05 PM   #18
xianjoymomma
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Awesome Crystal! Your wisdom has really changed my life.
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Old 05-03-2005, 11:59 AM   #19
GrowingInGrace
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Awesome!!!!!!! Where was this (or, where was I? ) the other day when I was trying to explain to a mama on a different GD board why time-outs are punitive.

If she ever posts again I'll refer her here and to your book!
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Old 05-03-2005, 06:04 PM   #20
4LovesMom
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Default Re: Why not time outs?

Thank you so much for this information. It is so helpful, and it just makes sense, even for someone like me coming across it for the first time. It makes me sad that I have always just sort of adopted the mainstream thinking when it comes to discipline even though I've gone against the flow in other areas: birth being one example. Oh well, I'm glad God has given me this now when I need it the most with three little children in my constant care!
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Old 05-21-2005, 11:23 PM   #21
Boys and Angels
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Default great post! thank you for the information and explanation . . . .

Soemthing I always had questions about. And it seems so logical explained the way you did. The "time out" concept itself isn't the problem. It's the USE of it that gets all confused. Basically, if you look at it that way, you can see that the COMFORT CORNER *IS* actually a time out, but with a different perpective. Sort of from the positive view instead of the negative. It achieves the same thing, removing the child from the difficult situation, but gives them a different FOCUS . . . on calming and comforting themselves rather than dealing with feelings of inadequacy and being "bad." The term "time out" originally meant just that . . . TIME away from the situation that was causing a problem, a way to STOP the behavior and redirect it, but too many people use it with the old "sit in the corner" philosophy, and that's where it starts to fall apart.

Thanks for pointing htis out.
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Old 05-28-2005, 10:24 AM   #22
mama j
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Default Re: Why not time outs?

Quote:
Soemthing I always had questions about.
Me too. I wasn't sure how the comfort corner worked. Great explanation! Thanks Crystal! Printing!!!
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~Jane
~wife to Craig
~mama to Jacquelyn & Sylvia
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Old 06-08-2005, 10:12 PM   #23
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I just set up our Comfort Corner today, and when ds had a meltdown this afternoon he went there and drank some applejuice and just hung out there for a few minutes, it was actually much better than a time out. He was able to relax afterwards and we had a great evening . I just wanted to say thanks for your insight, I sent it to my husband also. He is very into time out, and I've been trying to explain GBD to him and he seems to agree but still threatens the time outs. Maybe what you said will help him understand a little better. Thanks.

Erica
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Old 06-10-2005, 12:11 PM   #24
Booklover
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Thanks, that was very helpful. Except I want to go to my room alone for 41 minutes.
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Old 06-11-2005, 12:21 PM   #25
apbristowmom
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Default Re: Why not time outs?

Hi Crystal, I'm new here and am so happy I found this site! It's so hard to find AP Chrisitian mommies!! I am so interested in learning more about GBD. My son is overall very well behaved (we are very blessed) although I have to say year 4 has been harder than what people say about year 2.... for us anyway. I am anxious to learn ideas....but I was laying in bed the other night thinking about how Christ disciplines us and I immediately thought of the garden. How God covered them with clothing and what a picture that is of Christs covering of our sins. But then I thought about God making them leave the garden, and that seems to have a punitive aspect to it. He could have left them there, but he didn't. We also can't take the times in the Bible they talk about stoning disobedient children and use that as a reason for hurting our children, anymore than Gary Ezzo should be using Christ's words on the cross to advocate letting our chilren cry out without our attention. I'm interested in positive alternatives. I definately don't like it when my son is disobedient, and we truly try to find out what the root issue is....hunger, tiredness etc... but sometimes when you say for instance, "sweetheart that is mommy's necklace and it can break if you pull on it. Please come here and I'll put it on for you or whatever.....then when the child won't come or your afraid he might break something valuable or hurt himself....I'm not sure what to do. He has always been so good about knowing his boundaries i.e. his drawers in my jewelry armoire.....with things he can play with. I have even sometimes just set him in "time out" (the foot of our indoor stairs) and had him eat a snack and then come out when he was done. Mainly to get his bloodsugar up (which was why he was being disrespectful) but to also let him know that that type of speaking to each other is unacceptable in our home. What are your thoughts? I'm truly interested in ideas....and finding ways that God finds acceptable to help our chilren grow. And ways that don't involve us getting upset with one another or having power struggles.

I'm a former elementary school teacher and have always found that giving chilren choices is important in discipline. For instance, come over here and let mommy put the neclace on for you, or we can put it away.....or we've often said it's o.k. if your tummy is too full for any more dinner. But if your tummy is too full for dinner then it's surely too full for dessert. You can choose to eat a little more.....whatever.....but if you truly don't want it that's fine too. Then he would not get the dessert, and he has made the choice to fill his body with what he feels he can hold and I've made sure he has eaten some healthy food in the process. I used lots of incentives for positive discipline in my classroom, but have avoided using anything too structured at home.....I'm afraid I'll start running the place like a classroom of 25 instead of a family of 3. Discipline is an interesting aspect of parenting. Thank God for his word and that love covers a multitude of sins right!?

Thanks for your insight

Dionne
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Old 06-12-2005, 02:05 PM   #26
ArmsOfLove
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Default Re: Why not time outs?

Actually my home works great when I use the 5 Steps and run my home like the Kindergarten class I used to teach at the Church Nursery

Quote:
But then I thought about God making them leave the garden, and that seems to have a punitive aspect to it. He could have left them there, but he didn't
Actually, I see this as a wonderfully gracious act! He prevented some very serious natural consequences! If they had eaten of the Tree of Life after eating from the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil then there would have been no hope of salvation for mankind

Often I act to prevent the natural consequences that my children aren't old enough or mature enough to survive and learn from. I use my life experience to see what the natural consequences are to their actions and then I decide if they are ready for them or not--if so, I allow them; if not, I prevent them. They might not like experiencing them, but that doesn't make them punitive

And I think of Cain--he had to be sent out because of murdering Abel, but he was granted a mark of protection from the Lord. Such grace!
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Old 06-13-2005, 12:16 PM   #27
apbristowmom
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Default Re: Why not time outs?

Crystal, Thank you so much for your insights!! I really never thought of the garden situation in that light before....but yes, the aspect of the protection for cain is such example of grace. God is so amazing in his outpouring of love and compassion on us!

When you said 5 steps you used in your kindergarten class....what were they? In my class (1st grade) I used a combination of positive incentives and then a color chart system for them to help self-monitor their behavior each day. Usually we worked on a point system and spelled a word ...sortof like a hangman game. If they got so many points each day....then at the end of the day, we put a letter up before they all went home. The next day we started over, and once the word was spelled completely we got whatever it was we spelled. But then each child individually had a pocket chart with 4 colors in it. Green, yellow, red and blue. Each color symbolized something...green for go...(great job), yellow for slow down and think about your actions....and red was just 5 minutes off recess ( I never believed in taking away an entire recess from a child) then blue meant I had to contact home in some way.

Would love to hear more about this....how can I get a copy of the book mentioned. You are the author right? Is that something I can get ordered at a local Barnes and Noble?

Thanks!!!!!!

Dionne
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Old 06-13-2005, 12:46 PM   #28
ArmsOfLove
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Default Re: Why not time outs?

The Five Steps are in a sticky in this forum I worked on staff with the Kindergarten group in the Early Childhood Ministry at Word of Grace church in Mesa, AZ. The Five Steps were developed by the Director there. And the book is "Biblical Parenting" and you can get it at barnes and noble online, amazon.com and should be able to order it through your local barnes and noble
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Old 08-05-2005, 09:35 PM   #29
lovinmama
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Default Re: Why not time outs?

this was GREAT!! i thought that giving time outs was a much better approach than spanking but now i'm crossing that off my list all together! it helps me to think of my child as a brother or sister in Christ. It helps me put him in a different light. i really appreciate the "comfort corner" idea, that's great! that sounds a lot better than the naughty chair, room, etc. it makes more sense. i don't want to have to force my child to say "i'm sorry" when he doesn't mean it or wants to say it yet.
thank you for your insight!
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Old 08-11-2005, 04:44 AM   #30
Julia R
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Default Re: Why not time outs?

OK, so how do you implement the use of the "Comfort Corner?" I have always had the girls go somewhere to themselves to calm down in the middle of a melt down. It has pretty much always been a "You need a minute to go calm down, you can come back when you are ready to be with the rest of us" kind of thing. But lately it has actually turned into a "Go to your room!" sort of thing. I can see where it is taking a turn. I noticed early on with DD1 with an explosive personality that she needed to have a place to work out the emotion she was feeling that was an acceptable place to cry or scream, or beat on the pillow or whatever -behavior that is not fair for everyone else to have to endure, but nevertheless has real emotions behind it, then to come out when she's ready to behave in a way other people can toerate. So, if you use the "Comfort Corner" and need to put it in effect - Say you have a child who is screaming at the top of her lungs and hitting because her sister won't give her a toy she wants, and a total tantrum erupts. You can't talk to the child, because the the decible level is a little high. How do you go from that moment to the child is in the "Comfort Corner" and regaining composure?
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