Random Quotes from Wise Mamas |
br>
|
Unprepared for Parenting (Ezzos, Pearls, Etc.) *Public* Support and information for those affected by the Ezzos, the Pearls, and other punitive and adversarial methods of child-rearing. A public forum. Before posting here, please read this sticky and keep guideline 23 in mind:
|
|
Thread Tools | Display Modes |
05-16-2012, 07:57 AM | #1 |
Guest
Posts: n/a
|
Negative Perception of People
I will admit that I struggle with this. I have a difficult time separating a person's quality of character from their beliefs on certain topics, and sometimes I wonder if I'm normal or just an overly judgmental shrew.
Case in point - I had been looking over this really awesome, crunchy woman's website. She has some really neat, healthy, and fun recipes on her site for people who have various food sensitivities. One of the tabs on her page was for parenting advice. Thinking to myself, hey,this lady is pretty crunchy. I'll bet she has a totally gentle approach to parenting! Getting all excited, thinking I'd come across another Christian momma gently raising her children, imagine my surprise when her entire parenting section was like a giant advertisement for the Ezzos' parenting books. She went on and on about how BW saved her life, because she thought motherhood was going to be so great, until she got no sleep during the first week, and how BW solved that problem. Later in her articles she endorses GKGW and encourages people to find a church that teaches the classes. Am I crazy in assuming that if someone is crunchy enough to eat kale chips and vegan ice cream that it wouldn't make sense they endorse the Ezzos? Oh Lord! What if I'm a bigger hippie than the rest of the hippies?! I just wonder if this is a classic case of throwing the baby out with the bath water. It's like my perception of this lady is tainted now and I cannot bring myself to enjoy reading the other really good information on her website. Does that sound strange? |
05-16-2012, 09:16 AM | #2 |
Rose Bush
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 493
|
Re: Negative Perception of People
I struggle with this with people I know in real life, relatives and such. Parenting can be so polarizing. Even if in my head I can say, 'Yeah, it's their kid, they can parent how they choose,' I can't make myself not care.
__________________
Elyse ISTJ - DYT 4/1 Wife to my highschool sweetheart Mommy to: V-age 6 M -age 3.5
|
The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to Elyse221 For This Useful Post: | homesteadmama (05-19-2012), SalH (05-16-2012), StoryOfGrace (05-17-2012), swimming with sharks (05-18-2012) |
05-16-2012, 09:38 AM | #3 |
Deactivated
Don't confuse what is with what is possible.
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 16,967
|
Re: Negative Perception of People
I think it's really easy to get caught up in the 'checklist issues' and forget that there are people behind them, who ostensibly are making the best choices for their families with what they know to be true. It doesn't mean I can't be disappointed or that I have to be bff's with people who parent much differently...but it's simplistic to think that one part of a person is the sum of that person. We're all flawed and nuanced and when people share some of our philosophies, it doesn't mean that they are just like us. The people I've disagreed with most have made me think the most and hone my own philosophies and beliefs. The world would be a terrible and boring place if everyone was just like us.
|
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to racheepoo For This Useful Post: |
05-16-2012, 10:00 AM | #4 | |
Rose Bush
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 493
|
Re: Negative Perception of People
Quote:
ETA: Maybe I'm a little raw regarding Ezzo right now...
__________________
Elyse ISTJ - DYT 4/1 Wife to my highschool sweetheart Mommy to: V-age 6 M -age 3.5
Last edited by Elyse221; 05-16-2012 at 10:04 AM. |
|
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Elyse221 For This Useful Post: | Snugglebugmom (05-18-2012) |
05-16-2012, 10:24 AM | #5 |
Deactivated
Don't confuse what is with what is possible.
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 16,967
|
Re: Negative Perception of People
I'm not saying you have to agree or like it just that it isn't healthy to view a person as bad or unworthy because of their choices.
|
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to racheepoo For This Useful Post: | Elyse221 (05-16-2012), Tengokujin (05-16-2012) |
05-16-2012, 03:05 PM | #6 |
Administrator
"air-mannah Leen-dah" it means Sister Linda in Spanish
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 51,857
|
Re: Negative Perception of People
The thing is that AP is really not related to parenting choices. The Pearls recommend EC and natural living. They even sell herbs. Their followers tend to breastfeed and look very crunchy. In fact, if you see a crunchy family and the mom seems impossibly gentle and her children obey her softly spoken commands immediately and sweetly, you are almost certainly seeing Pearl followers.
I have not known Ezzo followers to be so crunchy, but it certainly is not unheard of. I can totally understand why that knowledge would leave a bad taste in your mouth and cause you to be suspect of everything else she says. I tend to feel the same way. If she believes that, what else might she believe? I would think it safe to take cooking advice from her. But I understand why you might want to just delete her bookmark instead. ---------- Post added at 03:05 PM ---------- Previous post was at 03:02 PM ---------- I just remembered that once I joined an AP Christian group and was informed it was against the groups SOB to argue against spanking. I asked how they could reconcile AP with spanking and was edited and chided. Not the place for me.
__________________
My pages: Why Not Train A Child? and the FB Page as well as @WhyNotTrain on Twitter Read about how my husband was Pulled From The River By God |
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to Hermana Linda For This Useful Post: |
05-16-2012, 03:09 PM | #7 |
Rose Garden
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: The Pacific South-West. You know, north of the Pacific North-West
Posts: 12,922
|
Re: Negative Perception of People
This is something I struggle with too.
Like, if a theologian is totally off the rails in one aspect, why would I read her (or his) other books? And yet, there are some theologians that are *fabulous* in one (or more) areas, despite their complete lunacy on some tangent. My pastor is really challenging me to move beyond the "why bother" mindset because it really does cut me off from some amazing books. It's just a question of having a well-calibrated hooey-meter that can flag the scary stuff. And that takes practice too, especially in a new field. Hence why we're meant to live/learn/work mostly in community, probably, so that I can say, "Hey, what do you think about this?" and get feedback from others. |
05-16-2012, 03:12 PM | #8 |
Administrator
"air-mannah Leen-dah" it means Sister Linda in Spanish
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 51,857
|
Re: Negative Perception of People
An important point.
__________________
My pages: Why Not Train A Child? and the FB Page as well as @WhyNotTrain on Twitter Read about how my husband was Pulled From The River By God |
05-16-2012, 03:16 PM | #9 |
Rose Garden
a little Attachment Parenting will fix that
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 3,981
|
Re: Negative Perception of People
counterfit crunchies really burn me up
like the Pearls. dont try to look all AP and be spanking your baby i dont feel its necessary to force myself to deal with any unpleasentness *that i dont absolutely have to .. so i dont even stick around long enough to flesh out any negative perceptions move on and find people who build you up ETA: i think im where you're at, but at this point in at time im ok with it
__________________
Gently mothering 5 babes one day at a time, only by the help of my Lord - ages 11,6,5, 4, & 2 Nonviolence is not sterile passivity, but a powerful moral force which makes for social transformation.ISFP Last edited by SweetCaroline; 05-16-2012 at 03:23 PM. |
The Following User Says Thank You to SweetCaroline For This Useful Post: |
05-16-2012, 03:28 PM | #10 |
Guest
Posts: n/a
|
Re: Negative Perception of People
I'm glad I'm not crazy then. I do pray that I won't be judgmental. I know that there are many people out there who do BW thinking it's actually good for their baby (the whole belief that rigid structure makes babies feel secure) without being as extreme as the Pearls in other areas of their parenting. I think it's just that I'm so used to seeing patterns in life that, usually, if a parent is very rigid about parenting they're likely to be a little less crunchy on issues like diet, vaccinations, toys, education, etc., although I know a great many punitive parents who are big on holistic healing and are anti-vax
I struggle with processing the separation, as I tend to be rather hippie about most things, across the board (although I do tend to be a little more conservative in my political views). |
The Following User Says Thank You to For This Useful Post: | Elyse221 (05-16-2012) |
05-16-2012, 03:32 PM | #11 |
Rose Garden
a little Attachment Parenting will fix that
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 3,981
|
Re: Negative Perception of People
i have a fb friend who identified herself jokingly as 'crunchy con' ( as in conservative)
because she baby wears, breastfeeds, eats organic produce ,and votes Republican i guess but she was posting one morning about having handed out 12 spankings before breakfast
__________________
Gently mothering 5 babes one day at a time, only by the help of my Lord - ages 11,6,5, 4, & 2 Nonviolence is not sterile passivity, but a powerful moral force which makes for social transformation.ISFP |
05-16-2012, 03:36 PM | #12 |
Rose Trellis
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Michigan
Posts: 1,595
|
Re: Negative Perception of People
I haven't read other posts, but a lot of people in my church are VERY "crunchy" when it comes to their diets, household cleaners, cloth diapering etc. and some are AP when it comes to nursing into toddlerhood and cosleeping (some others are Babywise followers) however my entire church as far as I know is very VERY VERY pro spanking and pro Pearls, not gentle at all, ever, past early infancy.
__________________
-Jenny Mom to Elijah (10/05) Isabella (11/07) Jeremiah (1/10) Samuel (5/12) and Micah (1/15) Last edited by Elibellamiah; 05-16-2012 at 03:38 PM. |
05-16-2012, 03:37 PM | #13 |
Rose Trellis
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Adelaide, South Australia
Posts: 1,590
|
Re: Negative Perception of People
currently struggling to break through in this area actually in our home group. I also find actually that the reverse is true- it is hard to get past these issues which are the be all and end all to the people we are in home group at church with. They are judging us wrongly because they have read and believe the Ezzo definition of Attachment Parenting (I read it in the GKGW books a friend lent me). Got to try to get past the totally wrong definition, show we have boundaries and different ways of placing them (in different places!) as well as get past our perception of them. Have thought about leaving the group because breaking into real fellowship is so slow... but if we do that, who is getting alongside them????? I do have a hard time remembering they love their children as much as we do and that they are doing what they think is best. Partly that is because they spend so much time boasting about their Ezzo methods (without naming Ezzo but it's as clear as day) and what they are doing with their children.
__________________
Sal (41) wife to Matthew (41) Home educating mummy to: DS1 (13), DS2 (11) DS3 (9), DD1 (7), DD2 (5) and DD3 (3). |
The Following User Says Thank You to SalH For This Useful Post: | Elyse221 (05-16-2012) |
05-16-2012, 04:40 PM | #14 | |
Rose Trellis
For G
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: close but not close enough to the beach
Posts: 2,806
|
Re: Negative Perception of People
Quote:
__________________
Wife to V since 5/19/07 my hard workin man Mom to G since 8/10/09 my crazy 10 yo Z since 9/10/13 my wild thing 6 yo Surprise! N born 2/8/16 terrific 4 yo *my help comes from the Lord above*
|
|
05-17-2012, 11:27 AM | #15 |
Rose Garden
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Northern Virginia
Posts: 10,090
|
Re: Negative Perception of People
If it helps, the punitive crunchies feel as disappointed when they realize that we are GD/GBD as we feel when we realize that they are punitive.
__________________
Rita s IstJ Wife to my brilliant geek James iNtJ since 4/08 Mom to our angel boy Jay 5/08 our quirky miracle DD Ivy 6/10 mellow miracle DS Jacob 7/15 Often Please forgive my frequent typos Standing firmly on Team Lioness!!! Roar!!! I am ready for people to know I am a GCM find me on Facebook |
The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to rjy9343 For This Useful Post: | Elyse221 (05-17-2012), Hermana Linda (05-17-2012), purple_kangaroo (05-17-2012), Reva (05-20-2012), SweetCaroline (05-17-2012) |
Bookmarks |
|
|
X vBulletin 3.8.3 Debug Information | |
---|---|
|
|
More Information | |
Template Usage:
Phrase Groups Available:
|
Included Files:
Hooks Called:
|