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Homeschooling & Unschooling (Support) *Public* [Open--Join Forum to Post] A place for both current homeschoolers/unschoolers and those who are considering homeschooling to find support.
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Old 11-20-2017, 11:04 AM   #16
Katigre
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Default Re: Child who doesn't want to do any school... advice?

A few thoughts...

INFP's and INFJ's have sensitive hearts, they can be bruised and wounded more easily than other types. My sister in law is an INFP and her experience of her childhood is very different than her brother's - she was deeply affected emotionally by things that were barely a blip on my dh's radar. I'm wondering if your experience of school might be very different than your DS's - is it possible that he would not be affected in the way you were?

Is his personality type more dominant than yours? That can be very draining as a mom to enforce boundaries/standards when their resistance is strong. Do you know his mbti? When he resists/complains about doing a chore or school, is he usually able to get out of doing it or delay/reduce it? (Just saw you mention you're more go with the flow...which for a stronger child can lead to them knowing they can push back and not have to do what they need to).


Perfectionism is something I work on a lot with my kids starting when they're toddlers bc I want them to feel comfortable practicing failure. Understanding that it's part of the process of mastering skills. I think for oldest children in particular it needs to be actively taught and the learning process reinforced so they get comfortable with it.

For writing, it can help to separate the physical act of writing from the brainstorming/writing process. Until my kids can type quickly, I transcribe their writing as dictation and we compose paragraphs and responses that way. It's been really helpful for my 2nd child in particular.

Last edited by Katigre; 11-20-2017 at 01:46 PM.
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Old 11-20-2017, 11:07 AM   #17
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Default Re: Child who doesn't want to do any school... advice?

Can he actually do it? Like the things you're asking him to do, if he sits down and does it can he do it, or is it too hard for him?

If he can actually do it, I think it might just be because he has somehow figured out that if he protests enough he sometimes gets out of it. I would just stay calm and matter-of-fact and tell him he has to do it. When my kids don't want to do school I just tell them "We all have to do things we don't like. Okay, now here on page 7. . . " just really matter-of-fact and uncompromising.
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Old 11-20-2017, 12:02 PM   #18
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Default Re: Child who doesn't want to do any school... advice?

For structure, I mean within homeschooling...something like we do math first every day, 10 problems. Then a 15min break. Then a phonics lesson. Every day. Handwriting shall be 1 page from this book. History shall be 1 chapter Monday, 1 map Tuesday, etc.

I stink at schedules, but I have one who thrives on somewhat predictable. New curricula is always met with resistance, as well as any spontaneous change in plans. BUT, if I press through the first day of resistance, the second day is milder, etc., until it gets mostly accepted. Sometimes we have to do a media fast for a couple weeks when the resistance is too generalized, when school is viewed as cutting into his free time, but consistency in requiring a subject predictably seems to help even when it's not at the exact same minute each day...we aim for after breakfast, after lunch, etc., and trying to get the curriculum to be familiar even if it's "We do this while listening to a living book, 1 chapter per day. The next book is ____."

We do audiobooks in the car when there's a captive audience, and I take some of the written work orally or as dictation.
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Old 11-20-2017, 12:58 PM   #19
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Default Re: Child who doesn't want to do any school... advice?

Quote:
Originally Posted by LovelyGourmet View Post

Work ethic is exactly what I worry about/what seems to be the sticking point. He has a hard time with anything being required of him.

I have considered several times putting him in school... My biggest concerns are the atmosphere at school. I don't want him being exposed to the things I was at his age. And that homework will be just as much of a fight only he'll be tired from being at school all day as well.
Often hs kids don't know how well they have it. If he could overhear a conversation or two about the homework load at public schools (and consequential the lack of free time) that might help him keep things in perspective.
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Old 11-20-2017, 05:55 PM   #20
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Default Re: Child who doesn't want to do any school... advice?

So I remember to come back and read. I am in the same boat with one of mine. We try and take it slow, but we are with a charter and I *have* to show work for each day the public school meets.
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Old 11-20-2017, 10:35 PM   #21
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Default Re: Child who doesn't want to do any school... advice?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lady Grey View Post
Often hs kids don't know how well they have it. If he could overhear a conversation or two about the homework load at public schools (and consequential the lack of free time) that might help him keep things in perspective.
I want a summer day camp for homeschooled kids: Public School Boot Camp. Launch straight into a full workload. Homework due, track assignments, get to your locker and the bathroom and then class on time...

It doesn't need to even include the spectrum of social stuff that goes on, even the schedule and workload would be helpful.

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Old 11-20-2017, 11:04 PM   #22
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Default Re: Child who doesn't want to do any school... advice?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kiara.I View Post
I want a summer day camp for homeschooled kids: Public School Boot Camp. Launch straight into a full workload. Homework due, track assignments, get to your locker and the bathroom and then class on time...

It doesn't need to even include the spectrum of social stuff that goes on, even the schedule and workload would be helpful.

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This is a great idea. My kids are older now and absolutely know how good they have it. One huge perk to having friends in all sorts of school environments. But before they did, I told them how lucky they were w concrete examples of people we know
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Old 11-21-2017, 04:49 PM   #23
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Default Re: Child who doesn't want to do any school... advice?

I haven’t read all the replies, so I’m sorry if I missed something or if I’m repeating -BUT- he sounds a lot like my Ds. After years of feeling like the mean mom, backing off only for him to realize that if he complained enough I’d feel sorry for him , etc I finally figured out he needed a list. First, I sat down and made a daily schedule-ie Monday: 9am LA, 10 am Math, Tues 9am Science, 10am History, etc. We didn’t do all subjects every day back then, so it really helped him to see at a glance what we were doing that day. Then I made a list of all the things I was not going to tolerate-and the consequences if he complained. (Sorry, I know that sounds punitive. No spankings, obviously, but things like if I have to call you down more than twice for complaining,then no xbox for x amount of time or whatever will mean the most to him. )

Those two things were vital in getting our homeschool back on track. Ds has ADHD and is a very logical, concrete kinda thinker. He *needed* to see what was required of him.

I can very happily say that Ds doesn’t fuss anymore. Well, he grumbles sometimes (I do too though ) but he sits down and gets right to work. No more fussing (me or him ) and things are so much better now.

Hang in there mama, and don’t give up!
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Old 11-21-2017, 04:53 PM   #24
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Default Re: Child who doesn't want to do any school... advice?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Katigre View Post
How does he have being challenged/having to work when he's in a group led by another adult?
There are some kids who will not learn from a parent who will happily learn from another adult. We tried to HS our DS for 2.5 years, then discovered he did far better in school.
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