I need a GD pick me up...

[mommy2abigail]

I'm having a hard time of it. Dh is gone a lot for work, we are in a new town and I desperately miss my family and friends back home. I've been less than patient and encouraging with the kids...we are together 24/7, and I really really need a break. Since that's not going to happen, I need to figure out how to deal better.
Main issues-
Me feeling very unappreciated. I know, I know, they are children and don't realize. But still. It's hard to keep giving and giving everyday and never hear a thank you or how can I help you? Even when I surprise them with a treat, they either ask for more more more or complain about it.
I feel like all I do is nag, remind, and threaten. With school, with attitudes, with chores, with every little thing. It's not enjoyable to me and it's sure not to them. However these things need to get done, there isn't an option of just living in filth, me doing all the chores, not doing school, or being unkind and disrespectful. So how do I find a balance?
And finally, my dd3's energy levels far surpass what I can keep up with. To date, she's only slept through the night twice. She's 3.5. She naps for 15-20 minutes. I've tried everything. She's the first one up and is bouncing off the walls. She chatters non stop, is constantly into something, can not be out of my sight line. At all. The other day we went to the park/hiking for 4 hours. We ended up hiking for about 4 miles, and she walked/ran the entire time. We had lunch, played near the creek, with the dogs, and on the play ground. She STILL didn't sleep through the night. We bike ride (she uses a peddle less bike) for a mile every day, and they run the dogs in the tennis court for half hour. We go to a park M-W-F and hiking Saturday. We go for 3-4 hours at a time. I can not do more. I had considered a trampoline, but we rent and do not have a fence and I don't want the neighborhood kids on it. We had a mini tramp but she didn't use it. We have a slide indoors, stairs she can run up and down, a tunnel, and tent building sheets. It's not enough. She does Awana, and gymnastics, we can't afford more gym classes, as much as I wish we could. In the summer, she will swim (like literally swim, not using floaties. She can swim under and float on her back) for FOUR HOURS a day. Last summer, it wasn't enough to make her sleep or nap longer. Trouble is, she IS tired. And cranky and difficult and ornery. And she screeches, grabs, yells, and tantrums. Purposefully bothers or destroys her sisters stuff. She's a zoo.

So, if you made it this far...I'm committed to GD, but I need an encouraging refresher course. Kindle books are great, since it's instant gratification.

[Pearl In Oyster]

That is a lot!

For book recs, Raising Your Spirited Child by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka came to mind. I haven't read them yet, but and any of the recently released titles by L.R. Knost will probably be encouraging and helpful.

[MidnightCafe]

You sound like you're doing A LOT! Bravo for all that activity!! That would have been my first question, but you've obviously got that base covered!

I guess the thing that stands out to me most is that your littlest isn't sleeping. Is there a reason she isn't sleeping through the night? Her behavior sounds over-tired to me. Walk us through what happens at night. Why is she waking up? What do you do when she wakes up?

I'm wondering if this whole thing could be summed up as a sleep issue. You're exhausted and overwhelmed from sleep deprivation. Your DD is "cranky and difficult and ornery" because she's sleep deprived. Consequently, you have to be ON her all the time and you can't get much else done. Add a lack of social support to that, and it's no wonder you need a pick me up.

Oh, and I wanted to add that one of my favorite parenting books is Easy To Love, Difficult to Discipline. We did a book study on it here once...it might be possible to search for the threads...

[megretleigh]

I don't have any good suggestions, but as a fellow T4 mom with three little ones who have MUCH higher energy levels than I do, I can totally relate!

[Pearl In Oyster]

As far as sleep, you said she doesn't nap much and wakes up at night, but how long are those wake-ups and how much sleep do you think she is getting total in each 24 hour period?

[mommy2abigail]

Ok, sleep patterns usually go like this-
Nap around 1-2 pm for 15-20 minutes
Bed time starts at 7:30, bath, brush teeth, ect. This usually takes until about 8:15.
I herd everyone into their room (they all insist on sleeping together. Dd3 was in my room until about 2 weeks ago, and it wasn't any different, she still woke up) and read stories. I try to keep it at around 15 minutes because dd3 starts bouncing around and hypes herself up.
Tuck everyone in, kiss, threaten them with trouble if they get up , and leave.
Dd3 usually takes about 45-60 minutes to actually fall asleep. Dd1 is up in her top bunk reading on her kindle during this time, and dd2 falls asleep quickly. Sometimes dd3 gets up, sometimes the other dd's come tell me she is out of bed or talking or keeping them up. I tell her if she's not letting sisters sleep, she has to sleep in the play room, tuck her back in and leave.
Around midnight, she wakes up hysterically crying and screaming. When I go in, she's thrashing and fighting her blanket. I used to try to soothe her, but I realized she was up because she had to pee. So now I just quietly pick her up and undress her as I walk into the bathroom, hold her on the potty and she pees.
This is where it's tricky. Sometimes I can tuck her back in. Sometimes after I tuck her in, she wakes up in ten minutes the same way, screaming and fighting. Eventually I bring her in my room and lay her on the mattress on the floor. She still wakes, but at least she isn't waking her sisters. When she has nights like that, it's 2 hours or so before she settles down enough to sleep. This happens 2-3 times per week. The rest of the time, she is able to fall back asleep after peeing.
She's usually up by 7.
I would say she sleeps 9-7 most nights, with the one interruption to pee, and a 20 minute nap. 10.5 hours?

[MidnightCafe]

Oh, I wish I had more time to type right now. I am headed out the door in a couple of minutes. Typing fast. Ignore typos, please!

It sounds like she has sleep issues similar to what Mane had from the age of about 7-9. So, your DD is younger, but Mane would wake up screaming, sometimes multiple times a night. She wasn't always lucid - meaning, she'd talk and walk, go to the bathroom, etc..., but she wasn't making any sense a lot of the time. We eventually brought her to a doctor because this went on so long, and DH's brother has epilepsy. We wanted to be sure we weren't looking at something neurological. It turns out that she was having confusional arousals/awakenings. Unfortuantely, there isn't a whole lot you can do about that. Docs wanted to put her on sleep meds, but by the time we finally figured out that this was the most likely explanation, it started happening less frequently. So, we didn't use the meds.

I *do* know that my DD has some pretty serious anxiety sometimes, and I think that exacerbated the sleep issues. Is it possible that your DD has some anxiety?

Is it possible that she has some allergies or food sensitivities? I know that possibility gets offered a lot around here, and it can be frustrating to consider that possibility. On the other hand, it's relatively simple to deal with an allergy or sensitivity...as compared to chronic sleep deprivation. Mane has trouble with gluten. She used to also be sensitive to bananas, but she grew out of that. I know that, for other kids, food sensitivities can interfere with sleep and also with anxiety levels.

I sounds to me like your nighttime routine is good. You're doing a good job. Hang in there! I will try to come back to this thread later if I think of anything else.