Another question... Peeing on the floor.

[Bea423]

My 3 yo has been potty trained for over a year... Right before I had the baby he started having accidents that turned out not be accidents. Now, he is peeing on the floor at least twice a day on purpose. For a time he was deliberately peeing all over his brothers and his beds and pillows. I have him clean it up and remind him pee goes in the potty. If I catch him I make him go into the bathroom but he will keep going until I get to him.

Today I told him nicely, Abd did my best not to shame him, that pee goes in the potty. That it seems he doesn't want to use the potty. I can't let him keep peeing on the floor and that if it happened again he was showing me he wanted to be back in a diaper. He said "I can't wear diapers" and I said he didn't need to because he can go in the potty, that peeing on the floor would show me he needed his diapers back.

Do you think I handled it ok? I am so tired of wet spots and finding pee everywhere!

I realize this is an attention thing. I am doing my best to give him quality time and connection.

[sweetpeasmommy]

Yeah, I would do the same thing. I might have him checked out by the ped jic if he is motivated to not wear diapers and still does it, but it sounds like it's not medical. Also try setting a timer and telling him to go every hour.

[Zooey]

Originally Posted by sweetpeasmommy

Yeah, I would do the same thing. I might have him checked out by the ped jic if he is motivated to not wear diapers and still does it, but it sounds like it's not medical. Also try setting a timer and telling him to go every hour.

This. Especially the timer.

[Bea423]

Well, we bought him pull ups. I again told him peeing on the floor showed me he wasn't ready for underwear. He peed on the floor, I calmly validated his feelings as he flipped out while I put on the pull up. Took me 5 minutes. After he calmed I hugged him and we moved on. I left the room. Five minutes later he came out in underwear and said "I don't need a pull up I can't wear it." And hasn't peed on the floor since. It wasn't intended as a punishment, I tried to make sure I didn't approach it that way. I hope I did the right thing! It stopped happening though so I'm relieved!


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[Little Forest]

Sounds like you are doing well. Sooo frustrating to deal with that.
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[ArmsOfLove]

Originally Posted by Bea423

My 3 yo has been potty trained for over a year...

Is he 3 or 3.5? I ask because there are some things that happen at 3.5 developmentally that might be in play.

Right before I had the baby

This is a game changer for young children. Most children regress in the area of the last thing they learned, or the biggest thing they most recently accomplished in development. What have you done to address the anxiety and normal reactions that often come with adding a new baby to the family?

he started having accidents that turned out not be accidents.

Not being accidents doesn't mean he was doing something "on purpose" with adult intentions. Doing something on purpose for a 3yo is more often lack of impulse control, trying to express emotions and concerns without a mastery of language and communication skills mature enough to communicate them.

Now, he is peeing on the floor at least twice a day on purpose. For a time he was deliberately peeing all over his brothers and his beds and pillows. I have him clean it up and remind him pee goes in the potty. If I catch him I make him go into the bathroom but he will keep going until I get to him.

This means he is trying to tell you something. It may be that he is feeling unloved or pushed aside for the new baby. With each of my children I take them aside alone and ask them if they love the baby, and hate the baby, if they are happy the baby is there, and want the baby to go away - and that these feelings are all normal and they are still loved and a very important part of our family. I also make a point to baby them - wrap them in a towel after bath and rock them, talk to them about when they were a baby (especially while doing things that I am doing for the baby - like "when you were a baby I did this for you. I would lift your feet and tickle your belly . . . " whatever).

Today I told him nicely, Abd did my best not to shame him, that pee goes in the potty.

He won't be able to respond to reasoning because he hasn't developed reasoning skills yet It's good that you didn't shame him It's just that talking with him about this won't *fix* it.

That it seems he doesn't want to use the potty. I can't let him keep peeing on the floor and that if it happened again he was showing me he wanted to be back in a diaper. He said "I can't wear diapers" and I said he didn't need to because he can go in the potty, that peeing on the floor would show me he needed his diapers back.

What did he mean by "I can't wear diapers"? Is this something you had told him before? If you talked with him about him not being a baby and not wearing diapers he might be trying to communicate that he wants to be a baby. It might not be a developed and intentional plan, but that might be the message.

Do you think I handled it ok? I am so tired of wet spots and finding pee everywhere!

What you did, yes? I insist on diapers/pull ups for children who are not developmentally ready to be out of them - and for children who are showing a lack of maturity. I don't like cleaning up pee off my floor so that's my boundary.

I realize this is an attention thing. I am doing my best to give him quality time and connection.

You are totally right - but it also may be more than that. His behavior definitely is trying to communicate with you.

[cheri]

What else is going on? New baby is huge, but are there other stressors, too?

This isn't a discipline issue, IME. I went through this with my oldest and it had everything to do with new baby and other stressors and nothing to do with discipline.

[Bea423]

Aol- I totally agree, he was (and still is in different ways) trying to communicate with me. His life has been completely upturned multiple times this year. The thing is, aside from validating, giving my time and trying to figure out how to maintain boundaries and figure our if my feelings are realistic and fair for my kids and for me... I'm lost as to how to help him.
I wasn't worried about discipline issues with this, I just didn't want pee everywhere. It's a hard time for our family. My husband left in January and we weren't reconciled until 8 wks ago when my daughter was born. We only saw him a few times the last 3 months (anxiety started as soon as he left. My son hardly ate or 0layed for 3 days the first time). There hasn't been any arguing or fighting in front of him ever. Things are good now but my husband works out of toe 6 days a week.
Oh, and he turned 3 in may.
I guess I'm not sure how to help him. I'm overwhelmed and an extra emotional 3yo is like icing on the cake of things I don't know how to fix.


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---------- Post added at 10:07 AM ---------- Previous post was at 10:06 AM ----------

Sorry 3 on the 26th of April, no idea why I said may.


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---------- Post added at 10:10 AM ---------- Previous post was at 10:07 AM ----------

Oh, and we've had to move 4 times since September. 5 in the last year.


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---------- Post added at 10:12 AM ---------- Previous post was at 10:10 AM ----------

And we might be moving again, my husbands trying to find a job that will keep him home.. Praying Yahweh brings us what we need to move closer to family or a fellowship SOON.


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[rebecuna]

My near-5yo did this about a year ago. Usually into the trash can right next to the toilet. Definitely on purpose-- when I would ask him about it or point it out he would giggle and give me a look. I talked to him about how it was not okay. I moved the trash can. I had him help me clean it up. Nothing seemed to be the magic solution, but it did seem like a phase-- it stopped after a couple months, iirc.

Sounds like you're on the right track!