So, for example, schoolwork... Ideas, please?

[Naxi]

Firstly, I want to say that I struggle with GBD. It is what I want to do with our kids, and it is what I feel we are called to do, but it was not the experience of either mine, or DH's upbringing. Because of that we find ourselves caught out at times - something will happen and we are not sure how to discipline in that particular situation.

For example, schoolwork.

We homeschool. We have tried many different ways to structure our day, but it is always a struggle. As we can all understand, it really is a lot more fun to spend the whole day playing than put in the hard work that lessons can sometimes be.

I find that if one child needs extra attention (for example, clarifying what they need to do in a question), the other will manage to slither away into the next room, back to the toys. If I go to catch that one, the first will be in the yard when I return to the table. Or, if I decide I will work with them one at a time, it "isn't fair" that their brother is playing. Or they will spend the whole time straining to hear what they are missing out on in the next room, rather than paying attention.

It drives me

I hear a lot of talk about natural and logical consequences, but I don't know how to make that work. Really, the long term natural consequences have no meaning to them. The short term (that they miss out on play time or other fun things because school is not finished, or that they need to do extra chores because I need help to get all my jobs done in the time they have left me) seem to make no difference except to increase their moaning and thoughts that life is unjust.

I feel that some form of discipline is needed. After all, I do need them to come back and do what they need to do. Do you have some ideas that I could try?

I realise this is also a issue, and try to work on diligence and respect, but I am not having a lot of success with that. Perhaps people have ideas on verses or other that have worked with this? Or with other aspects of character that may help?

Thank you.

[Soliloquy]

The first thing I would do is have a family meeting. Explain your frustrations and why you hope your children will enjoy their lessons. Ask them for their suggestions without naysaying any of them. Take notes and look at it as a team effort. This has helped us with so many conflicts. My kids have come up with ideas I was certain wouldn't help ... but they did. And, when they didn't, we went back to brainstorming. It's a vital life skill, also, to learn how to function as a family team.

Regarding homeschooling, sometimes an approach or curriculum that looks perfect to us is really a poor fit for a particular child. Life is so interesting and there are so many thrilling ways to learn. So I encourage you to keep an open mind about ways you could change your homeschool.

[ShangriLewis]

We are more relaxed schoolers with our younger crew. But, I find I need to keep the kids from my youngest up to my 12yo near me to keep up the work I require. If I give some leeway then the whining and distractions start. My husband is gone half the month, as well. So, I don't have the back up of Dad speaking with them at dinner.

I rotate the children that need help. The first one ready and up is usually my 6yo. So, we try to knock out her Math and English first. The rest is all extra in my book.

My 12yo doesn't get up as early and he has learning/attention issues. So, he easily can wander off. I keep him out of his room and off electronics. He rotates between school, snacks and chores. I just keep him busy till the schoolwork is done.

I never use chores as a punishment. But, if I notice he is wandering off or being rude then I will often tell him to take out the dog or put away dishes. Those short breaks seem to help him calm down and refocus.

[CelticJourney]

Originally Posted by Naxi

.....I realise this is also a issue, and try to work on diligence and respect, but I am not having a lot of success with that. Perhaps people have ideas on verses or other that have worked with this? Or with other aspects of character that may help?....

Actually I think it is a maturity issue, not a character problem. You've been given some good suggestions above. Also, consider what might give them an idea of structure. A timer - 30 min on school, 30 min break, back to work. A check list perhaps, so they know that school will not drag on into eternity.....they really do feel that way sometimes (so do I, to be honest). An alternate schedule, such as school in the evening or on Saturdays to make up for things that didn't get done during the day/week. The added benefit here is if dad is home to double team the process.

[Kiara.I]

We're facing this a little bit, this year. Last year I had Grade 2 and Kindergarten. And because I'm pretty casual about kindergarten, there were lots of days he didn't do anything. That was fine.

But this year it isn't, and I was getting a lot of pushback about things as simple as how we form the letter B.

So here's the plan: I make a schedule. It's not fair to hamper the other child because one is refusing to do his work, so I can't pull the "we're sitting here until it's done" thing. So there's a schedule. At the time this subject is finished, we put it away and move on. (Exceptions made of course for if they're actually working and only have a couple of minutes of work left.) We move on to the next thing. Then they're done for the before-lunch session at: <whatever time.> Then they're done for the day at <whatever time.> Oh...unless there's homework. Because whatever didn't get done at the time it was supposed to now comes back on the table and we can sit until it's done. That way the other child still gets the chance to get their work done at a sensible time, and there's a *visible* reason for doing it when you're supposed to--because now during "play time" you're still finishing that one sentence of copywork that's taken you 3 hours!

The other thing you might want to do...they're BOTH doing this slide-away thing? Pick the oldest one to focus on first. Clearly lay out expectations and guidelines and make staying at the table not-optional. Work hard with the first one for two or three weeks on consistency and getting work done. Then shift your focus to the second, and hopefully the first will be a bit more consistent about staying there.

One other thing: are you schooling at a table or in a more relaxed setting on couches or floor or whatever? We found being at the table helped a lot with focus and staying there, so if you're at a more relaxed spot right now, that might be one thing to try.

[mamacat]

Working at same table sounds like it would help and speaking directly to the others to keep working as you go to work more one on one. Limiting to maybe 3 subjects a day for older ones. having it set up so that as you give them each something to work on that once they have finished that one thing they can have a 20 minute (or whatever) outside break time or indoor exercise of some kind like rebounding

[ShangriLewis]

Also, we school year round and up to 6 days a week to give us shorter days. My 12 yo has Science Saturday where he just works on a science kit. It works well because we are not trying to make a spot and clean that up while life keeps going.

[zeo2ski]

My oldest 3 are the same age as yours, OP. I would suggest a more relaxed schooling method, honestly. I wouldn't even think about consequences--natural or otherwise. I'd try concentrating on getting them to enjoy learning, which most likely means tons of hands on, outside, mom/dad reading aloud (a LOT, fiction, non, "educational" and stuff they like too), cooking, carpentry, grocery lists they make and shop/pay for to make something they're interested in, games, board games, nature exploration, videos, etc etc. Do this for a while and then evaluate all they have learned--same or better than the desk work stuff and without the learned hatred of education, plus mom won't have done all that teeth pulling.

I know that's a very opinionated answer! And it won't be comfortable for every family, or feesible. But...it doesn't sound like the current method is working for you or the kids either. Like a PP said, it is a maturity issue; not that your kids need to be more mature now, but that what they're expected to do is beyond their developmental needs and abilities. Yes, most kids in school are expected to do this, but that doesn't mean it is developmentally appropriate--it is not. Enjoy your sweeties, take advantage of the options homeschooling provides.