Recommendations for a Friend

SewingGreenMama · 06-23-2014, 01:39 PM

I have a friend who I don't talk to all that often, maybe 2x a month on average.
She called today a bit lost, her daughter is three, and she has come to realize that spanking isn't going to work unless she uses it to the point of abuse, and time outs and other mainstream parenting methods are completely failing her and her brilliant daughter.

She is looking for other tools, but I don't think she is in a place yet to accept some of the more 'extreme' parenting methods and philosophies here.

What are some good introductory books and or web sites (she doesn't have the best internet access so books would be better) for easy, gentle introduction into gentler parenting methods and ways of seeing kids?

Kiara.I · 06-23-2014, 01:48 PM

How about Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline by Becky Bailey?

Or maybe even start with Have a New Kid by Friday by Leman?

SewingGreenMama · 06-23-2014, 01:50 PM

EtL,DtD was my first thought too. I haven't heard about the second but I'll mention it to her.

Katigre · 06-23-2014, 01:57 PM

Does she need more practical tools or more discipline philosophy?

What are her exact struggles with the child/personality?

Sent from my phone using Tapatalk

SewingGreenMama · 06-23-2014, 02:27 PM

Tools mostly. But some intro to philosophy would defiantly help.
Her daughter is having lots of tantrums (normal which she knows but she needs a new way to see them)
Absolute refusal to do what is asked, even regular routine things like brushing teeth or picking up toys before nap time.
She needs some tools for immediate help in parenting and an intro into philosophy so she can start seeing her daughter and the process of growing up and development in a better light helping her in the long run with parenting a very smart child.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Kiara.I · 06-23-2014, 02:36 PM

Happiest Toddler on the block might be good too. Her daughter's nearing the upper end of it, though.

homesteadmama · 06-23-2014, 11:20 PM

I was going to say Positive Discipline or Playful Parenting. I think both give some good tools and strategies for some of the behaviors you mentioned (plus a whole lot more).

rcsmom · 06-24-2014, 04:41 AM

I like positive discipline too. They even have one that is geared towards preschoolers which I liked because the regular one had suggestions that were for older kids and it was more to wade through.

kindundmama · 06-24-2014, 01:27 PM

I have a similar background as your friend, OP. I read Positive Discipline for preschoolers every night--over and over again. Best parenting book I ever invested in.
I needed practical tools and this book really delivers.

Dtswife · 06-25-2014, 08:12 AM

"How To Talk So Kids Will Listen, and How To Listen So Kids Will Talk"

Best communication book I have ever read

Sent from my SCH-R530U using Tapatalk

06-23-2014, 01:39 PM	#1
SewingGreenMama Rose Trellis Deuteronomy 11:19 Join Date: May 2012 Location: Tennessee Posts: 3,052	Recommendations for a Friend I have a friend who I don't talk to all that often, maybe 2x a month on average. She called today a bit lost, her daughter is three, and she has come to realize that spanking isn't going to work unless she uses it to the point of abuse, and time outs and other mainstream parenting methods are completely failing her and her brilliant daughter. She is looking for other tools, but I don't think she is in a place yet to accept some of the more 'extreme' parenting methods and philosophies here. What are some good introductory books and or web sites (she doesn't have the best internet access so books would be better) for easy, gentle introduction into gentler parenting methods and ways of seeing kids? __________________ "Reflections like these lead one to spare the rod ... purely because it is not easy to find a punishment that does not defeat it's own ends." -Charlotte Mason Parents and Children pg. 171 "If punishment were necessarily reformative, and able to cure us all of those 'sins we have a mind to,' why, the world would be a very good world;" -Charlotte Mason, Parents and Children pg. 172 W&C 8/4/06; G 15yo , M 11yo , S 8/29/13 , V 8yo , Baby 2yo

06-23-2014, 01:48 PM	#2
Kiara.I Rose Garden Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: The Pacific South-West. You know, north of the Pacific North-West Posts: 12,922	Re: Recommendations for a Friend How about Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline by Becky Bailey? Or maybe even start with Have a New Kid by Friday by Leman? __________________ ENTP fits me to a T, though it took me forever to figure it out! DYT Type 3, Enn. Type 1 (hold that thought...enneagram crisis...might be a 7!) Sparks (9) ; Spitfire (8); Sprite (4.5)

06-23-2014, 01:50 PM	#3
SewingGreenMama Rose Trellis Deuteronomy 11:19 Join Date: May 2012 Location: Tennessee Posts: 3,052	Re: Recommendations for a Friend EtL,DtD was my first thought too. I haven't heard about the second but I'll mention it to her. __________________ "Reflections like these lead one to spare the rod ... purely because it is not easy to find a punishment that does not defeat it's own ends." -Charlotte Mason Parents and Children pg. 171 "If punishment were necessarily reformative, and able to cure us all of those 'sins we have a mind to,' why, the world would be a very good world;" -Charlotte Mason, Parents and Children pg. 172 W&C 8/4/06; G 15yo , M 11yo , S 8/29/13 , V 8yo , Baby 2yo

06-23-2014, 01:57 PM	#4
Katigre Rose Garden Why thank you, it is naturally blue... Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 21,278	Re: Recommendations for a Friend Does she need more practical tools or more discipline philosophy? What are her exact struggles with the child/personality? Sent from my phone using Tapatalk

06-23-2014, 02:27 PM	#5
SewingGreenMama Rose Trellis Deuteronomy 11:19 Join Date: May 2012 Location: Tennessee Posts: 3,052	Re: Recommendations for a Friend Tools mostly. But some intro to philosophy would defiantly help. Her daughter is having lots of tantrums (normal which she knows but she needs a new way to see them) Absolute refusal to do what is asked, even regular routine things like brushing teeth or picking up toys before nap time. She needs some tools for immediate help in parenting and an intro into philosophy so she can start seeing her daughter and the process of growing up and development in a better light helping her in the long run with parenting a very smart child. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk __________________ "Reflections like these lead one to spare the rod ... purely because it is not easy to find a punishment that does not defeat it's own ends." -Charlotte Mason Parents and Children pg. 171 "If punishment were necessarily reformative, and able to cure us all of those 'sins we have a mind to,' why, the world would be a very good world;" -Charlotte Mason, Parents and Children pg. 172 W&C 8/4/06; G 15yo , M 11yo , S 8/29/13 , V 8yo , Baby 2yo

06-23-2014, 02:36 PM	#6
Kiara.I Rose Garden Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: The Pacific South-West. You know, north of the Pacific North-West Posts: 12,922	Re: Recommendations for a Friend Happiest Toddler on the block might be good too. Her daughter's nearing the upper end of it, though. __________________ ENTP fits me to a T, though it took me forever to figure it out! DYT Type 3, Enn. Type 1 (hold that thought...enneagram crisis...might be a 7!) Sparks (9) ; Spitfire (8); Sprite (4.5)

06-23-2014, 11:20 PM	#7
homesteadmama Rose Trellis Join Date: Jun 2007 Posts: 2,959	Re: Recommendations for a Friend I was going to say Positive Discipline or Playful Parenting. I think both give some good tools and strategies for some of the behaviors you mentioned (plus a whole lot more). __________________ Sarah, INFJ Wife to M since 1/04 Mommy to S (1/07), W (1/09), S (1/11)~My UC baby, and A (12/14), Another UC baby , Baby-Wearing, , Cloth Diapering, , Traditional Foods Family My blog

06-24-2014, 04:41 AM	#8
rcsmom Rose Bouquet Remember, you are not managing an inconvenience; You are raising a human being ~ Kittie Frantz Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: Western NY Posts: 666	Re: Recommendations for a Friend I like positive discipline too. They even have one that is geared towards preschoolers which I liked because the regular one had suggestions that were for older kids and it was more to wade through. __________________ Jessica Momma to DS1-the Monkinroanie DS2-the Sweet Punkin DS3- the Peanut and the rainbow babies DS4 and DD

06-24-2014, 01:27 PM	#9
kindundmama Rosebud Join Date: Sep 2013 Posts: 89	Re: Recommendations for a Friend I have a similar background as your friend, OP. I read Positive Discipline for preschoolers every night--over and over again. Best parenting book I ever invested in. I needed practical tools and this book really delivers.

06-25-2014, 08:12 AM	#10
Dtswife Rose Bouquet Join Date: Jan 2014 Location: Wisconsin USA Posts: 814	Re: Recommendations for a Friend "How To Talk So Kids Will Listen, and How To Listen So Kids Will Talk" Best communication book I have ever read Sent from my SCH-R530U using Tapatalk __________________ Married since May 2010 to DT Mama to Zoe 8/1/13 Baby number two due May 17th 2015

X vBulletin 3.8.3 Debug Information
Page Generation 0.08098 seconds Memory Usage 7,875KB Queries Executed 14 (?)
More Information
Template Usage: (1)SHOWTHREAD (1)ad_footer_end (1)ad_footer_start (1)ad_header_end (1)ad_header_logo (1)ad_navbar_below (1)ad_showthread_beforeqr (1)ad_showthread_firstpost (1)ad_showthread_firstpost_sig (1)ad_showthread_firstpost_start (1)cyb_flashimagebanners (1)footer (1)forumjump (1)forumrules (1)gobutton (1)header (1)headinclude (1)navbar (3)navbar_link (60)option (10)post_groan_box (1)post_groan_javascript (1)post_groan_navbar_search (10)post_thanks_box (6)post_thanks_box_bit (1)post_thanks_javascript (1)post_thanks_navbar_search (6)post_thanks_postbit_legacy (10)postbit_legacy (10)postbit_onlinestatus (99)postbit_reputation (10)postbit_wrapper (4)showthread_bookmarksite (1)smqre_editor_button (1)spacer_close (1)spacer_open (1)tagbit_wrapper Phrase Groups Available: global inlinemod postbit posting reputationlevel showthread	Included Files: ./showthread.php ./global.php ./includes/init.php ./includes/class_core.php ./includes/config.php ./includes/functions.php ./includes/class_hook.php ./includes/functions_notice.php ./mobiquo/smartbanner.php ./mobiquo/include/classTTConnection.php ./mobiquo/smartbanner/head.inc.php ./includes/functions_bigthree.php ./includes/class_postbit.php ./includes/class_bbcode.php ./includes/functions_reputation.php ./includes/adminfunctions_template.php ./includes/functions_misc.php ./includes/functions_post_thanks.php ./includes/functions_post_groan.php Hooks Called: init_startup cache_permissions fetch_threadinfo_query fetch_threadinfo fetch_foruminfo style_fetch cache_templates global_start parse_templates fetch_musername notices_check_start global_setup_complete showthread_start template_groups template_safe_functions template_compile showthread_getinfo forumjump showthread_post_start showthread_query_postids showthread_query bbcode_fetch_tags bbcode_create showthread_postbit_create postbit_factory postbit_display_start post_thanks_function_post_thanks_off_start post_thanks_function_post_thanks_off_end post_thanks_function_fetch_thanks_start post_thanks_function_fetch_thanks_end post_thanks_function_thanked_already_start post_thanks_function_thanked_already_end post_groan_function_post_groan_off_start post_groan_function_post_groan_off_end post_groan_function_fetch_groans_start post_groan_function_fetch_groans_end post_groan_function_groaned_already_start post_groan_function_groaned_already_end reputation_image bbcode_parse_start postbit_imicons bbcode_parse_complete_precache bbcode_parse_complete postbit_display_complete error_fetch post_thanks_function_fetch_thanks_bit_start post_thanks_function_show_thanks_date_start post_thanks_function_fetch_thanks_bit_end post_thanks_function_fetch_post_thanks_template_start post_thanks_function_fetch_post_thanks_template_end tag_fetchbit_complete forumrules showthread_bookmarkbit navbits navbits_complete showthread_complete
Messages: