need a book recommendation - very specific

twoplustwo · 10-01-2014, 05:42 AM

So, we had a really rough awesome morning.

Spoilered many of the details for those that want them AND for those who wished I would just get to the question already

:

However, in the end dh & I disagree about something. Calmly & nicely

but he doesn't believe me in something.

And that something is , I guess, child development related. So here is the specific example:

Anyway, dh thinks its unreasonable that he has to be anywhere near the kids in the am & he can just tell them once to do X & he expects it done. He says they "know better" and uses evidence that because they have successfully done it in the past.

I say that's not how it works, kids need more hands on training to be successful all the time. Now that doesnt mean he can't just leave them to eat breakfast on their own ever, but when he does & things don't happen exactly as he said they should OR don't go smoothly, THAT other end result should be expected and he shouldn't get angry at them OR blame them for any wrongdoing.

In the end we disagreed. I asked if I got him a book to read about child development that might understand my POV better & he said yes.

Im sure Ive read one (I read so many books

) - but no idea what Ive read to get again that will help him understand this part of development. So what books do you recommend that would help with this?

Thanks ALL! GCM is the best.

What would I do without you?

Llee · 10-01-2014, 07:02 AM

Ames & Ilg for their ages.

twoplustwo · 10-01-2014, 12:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Llee

Ames & Ilg for their ages.

Awesome - thanks!

I just requested the one for 7 year olds, 8 year olds, & 9 year olds. I am excited to read them!

ECingMama · 10-01-2014, 12:22 PM

I was going to suggest that too.

Zooey · 10-09-2014, 10:47 PM

Kids are able to do things on occasion, long before they can manage to do anything on their own that you tell them.
Thier was a story in my first cookbook about a little girl who watched her mother cook rice so many times, & tried it on her own.....The kitchen wasn't clear of white grains for weeks!! (It was, I believe now, put in there by a parent who wanted to warn parents not to be surprised when this stuff happens). It might help your DH see why its better to hang around kids in the kitchen for a long time after they start getting themselves things to eat.

twoplustwo · 10-10-2014, 04:55 AM

I gave dh the 7 year old one, but he hasnt touched it yet - so I am about halfway through it!

But he has been amazingly calm & patient so even though he verbally disagreed with me, his behavior is showing he agrees with me.

CelticJourney · 10-10-2014, 05:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by twoplustwo

I gave dh the 7 year old one, but he hasnt touched it yet - so I am about halfway through it!

But he has been amazingly calm & patient so even though he verbally disagreed with me, his behavior is showing he agrees with me.

Faced with the 'go along with the woman who has read the book or have to read the book myself' so many will just make it easier on themselves

What a child CAN do and what two children can do while also NOT antagonizing each other are very different things.

10-01-2014, 05:42 AM	#1
twoplustwo Moderator Join Date: Feb 2012 Posts: 6,536	need a book recommendation - very specific So, we had a really rough awesome morning. Spoilered many of the details for those that want them AND for those who wished I would just get to the question already : It was rough because dd & ds fought. Dh & ds fought. Dh tried to fight with me but I was having none of it. It was awesome because we all did so good with all the not so good. I stayed calm & ONLY used good communication techniques. Dh listened. Everyone apologized for any part of any unhappiness they may have caused. What could have been a really downward spiraling morning ended up being a good practice session for all the things dh & I are working on. However, in the end dh & I disagree about something. Calmly & nicely but he doesn't believe me in something. And that something is , I guess, child development related. So here is the specific example: Ds (7) & dd (8) can and have gotten themselves through breakfast independently. Therefore, my dh thinks that he should be able to say - go do breakfast and then he disappears to get himself ready (on another floor). Now this morning dd & ds got into a fight and since no one was there it resulted in a physical altercation (dd pulling on ds's shirt & ds punching her back to get away from her). (where am i? Getting ready to leave as is typical on Wed & thur am - dh is solely responsible for the kids, so Im walking out the door & hear the fight & come running & resolve everything. But that makes dh irritable at everyone bc when he is handling something and knows that I need to leave he doesnt like it when I jump in - so then everything starts getting rough). Anyway, dh thinks its unreasonable that he has to be anywhere near the kids in the am & he can just tell them once to do X & he expects it done. He says they "know better" and uses evidence that because they have successfully done it in the past. I say that's not how it works, kids need more hands on training to be successful all the time. Now that doesnt mean he can't just leave them to eat breakfast on their own ever, but when he does & things don't happen exactly as he said they should OR don't go smoothly, THAT other end result should be expected and he shouldn't get angry at them OR blame them for any wrongdoing. In the end we disagreed. I asked if I got him a book to read about child development that might understand my POV better & he said yes. Im sure Ive read one (I read so many books ) - but no idea what Ive read to get again that will help him understand this part of development. So what books do you recommend that would help with this? Thanks ALL! GCM is the best. What would I do without you? __________________ ESFJ DYT 3/2, Enneagram 9w8 married to My Guy (2003) mom to: Cherished (dd, 12/2005) Warrior (ds, 07/2007) saved & baptized (2004) Simon Peter answered, “You are the Messiah, the Son of the living God.” Matthew 16:16

10-01-2014, 07:02 AM	#2
Llee Moderator Dancing stands with all seahorses who are journeying to freedom Join Date: Jul 2009 Posts: 19,197	Re: need a book recommendation - very specific Ames & Ilg for their ages. __________________ It's me, dh, Dressy Bessy (Sept 08) and Dancing Daisy (May 10) Lead the children to see in every pleasant and beautiful thing an expression of God's love for them. Recommend your religion to them by its pleasantness. Let the law of kindness be in your lips. ~Ellen G. White

10-01-2014, 12:22 PM	#4
ECingMama Rose Garden Join Date: Aug 2009 Posts: 16,748	Re: need a book recommendation - very specific I was going to suggest that too. __________________ ENFp Wife who is thankful to be in love....17 years Homeschooling Mom of three....15 DD dancer and 12 DS mountain biker and 5 DD calico critter and dolly mommy 12/2014 8/2015 11/2015 9/2016

10-09-2014, 10:47 PM	#5
Zooey Rose Trellis Join Date: Feb 2007 Posts: 3,155	Re: need a book recommendation - very specific Kids are able to do things on occasion, long before they can manage to do anything on their own that you tell them. Thier was a story in my first cookbook about a little girl who watched her mother cook rice so many times, & tried it on her own.....The kitchen wasn't clear of white grains for weeks!! (It was, I believe now, put in there by a parent who wanted to warn parents not to be surprised when this stuff happens). It might help your DH see why its better to hang around kids in the kitchen for a long time after they start getting themselves things to eat. __________________ "A person's a person, no matter how small"--Dr Seuss

10-10-2014, 04:55 AM	#6
twoplustwo Moderator Join Date: Feb 2012 Posts: 6,536	Re: need a book recommendation - very specific I gave dh the 7 year old one, but he hasnt touched it yet - so I am about halfway through it! But he has been amazingly calm & patient so even though he verbally disagreed with me, his behavior is showing he agrees with me. __________________ ESFJ DYT 3/2, Enneagram 9w8 married to My Guy (2003) mom to: Cherished (dd, 12/2005) Warrior (ds, 07/2007) saved & baptized (2004) Simon Peter answered, “You are the Messiah, the Son of the living God.” Matthew 16:16

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