Random Quotes from Wise Mamas |
br>
|
Gentle Discipline *Public* A public forum. GCM Webpage: Gentle Discipline |
|
Thread Tools | Display Modes |
05-14-2012, 10:44 PM | #1 |
Climbing Rose
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Arizona
Posts: 1,289
|
Pet Peeve #5 by my own mom
I should have seen this coming. I mean I was raised with this. So here is the scenario...
Mom---Lala will you please pick up your shoes and put them away Lala---not right now Mom---Lala I asked you to please pick up your shoes Lala---Yes, and I said not right now Mom---Lala, if you do not pick up your shoes then I'll throw them out Lala----(obligingly picks up her shoes) Mom---Now why did I have to threaten to get you to do what I asked? At this point I stepped in. I really understood what Lala was doing and I figured Mom would figure this out, she didn't. OK so pet peeve of mine, don't make a request unless it is a REQUEST. If it REQUIRED then simply state it. Now don't get me wrong, I use please, thank you, etc with my kids when they are called for, but when it is a requirement, I don't ask, I state. Here's how it WOULD HAVE happened had it been me... Me--Lala, pick up your shoes and put them away Lala---yes, ma'am Me---thank you If she did say no, then I would have told her the probable consequence, but chances are, for something like that, she would have just done it. I explained this to mom and of course got the typical line I got as a child.... "if an authority asks politely it is the same thing as being told" Sorry, but last job I had, if it was optional, it was a please. If she was asking for volunteers it was a please. But she never said, "OK well, would you all please clean up the kitchen, we have an inspection tomorrow?" Ummm, no, it was, "there is an inspection tomorrow and the kitchen needs to be cleaned. Thank you." Am I completely insane? I mean, should Lala see this a request as a requirement?
__________________
INTJ Mom of 4
Gav 17 Justin 13 Lala 11 Simon 8 |
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to Petie For This Useful Post: | BeckaBlue (05-15-2012), dulce de leche (05-15-2012), PrincessAnika (05-15-2012), Teacher Mom (05-16-2012) |
05-14-2012, 10:47 PM | #2 |
Rose Garden
Abby-bigail! Not a-BIB-igail. :)
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Just east of the Mississippi. :)
Posts: 7,896
|
Re: Pet Peeve #5 by my own mom
Not insane. ITA w/you.
__________________
Abigail...but you can call me Abby Full-time student, baby! part-time Spanish interpreter and Single Mama to E, 12/06, and L, 07/08! Never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be. --Clementine Paddleford |
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Abibigail For This Useful Post: | dulce de leche (05-15-2012), Petie (05-15-2012) |
05-15-2012, 12:14 AM | #3 |
Rose Garden
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 79,607
|
Re: Pet Peeve #5 by my own mom
That is why the 5 Steps are worded as they are
some children are able to be easily taught that please doesn't make it optional and I know that's important to some parents, when they are the parents and children together that is fine When the children aren't reading the same playbook then it gets tricky IME when I get resistance I just stop and apologize for miscommunicating--then I explain that they need to do whatever and they do.
__________________
|
The Following 9 Users Say Thank You to ArmsOfLove For This Useful Post: | Annainprogress (05-15-2012), dulce de leche (05-15-2012), MomtoJGJ (05-15-2012), Petie (05-15-2012), PrincessAnika (05-15-2012), Tandem mama (05-17-2012), Teacher Mom (05-16-2012), TenderLovingWillow (05-15-2012) |
05-15-2012, 03:21 AM | #4 | |
Rose Trellis
Go Team Lioness!
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: This side of the black stump
Posts: 2,428
|
Re: Pet Peeve #5 by my own mom
Quote:
__________________
Our blossoms: DS "Little Bear" Apr '07 - The negotiator
DD "Miss Muffett" Nov '08 "Don't tell Daddy..." DS "Mouse" Jan '12 "I Soup Baby, Man of steel! " Myth Busting over at Dare to Disciple "Believe in yourself. Trust your instincts. Unless your instincts are terrible." Vitruvius, The LEGO Movie. |
|
The Following 9 Users Say Thank You to Tasmanian Saint For This Useful Post: | Annainprogress (05-15-2012), BeckaBlue (05-15-2012), dulce de leche (05-15-2012), EnglishRose (05-18-2012), knitlove (05-18-2012), Lily (05-17-2012), magpiedpiper (05-15-2012), Petie (05-15-2012), PrincessAnika (05-15-2012) |
05-15-2012, 07:38 AM | #5 |
Rose Garden
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Northern Virginia
Posts: 10,090
|
Re: Pet Peeve #5 by my own mom
I think that the mindset is that there is not an option when the authority speaks. Please or whatever is just being polite, but it does not mean that there is a choice in obeying.
__________________
Rita s IstJ Wife to my brilliant geek James iNtJ since 4/08 Mom to our angel boy Jay 5/08 our quirky miracle DD Ivy 6/10 mellow miracle DS Jacob 7/15 Often Please forgive my frequent typos Standing firmly on Team Lioness!!! Roar!!! I am ready for people to know I am a GCM find me on Facebook |
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to rjy9343 For This Useful Post: |
05-15-2012, 07:48 AM | #6 |
Deactivated
Grumpy kitten is watching you
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 4,103
|
Re: Pet Peeve #5 by my own mom
I have this same conversation all.the.time. :bangshead
DH will "ask" Monkey to do something, then get mad when she says no. You made it optional dude. what did you expect? It baffles him that the kids are more compliant with me than with him. But, it drives him absolutely crazy if I try to suggest a different way. My mom has that same mindset as well. I think it has to do with the way that she was raised - children did not have the option of saying no, so the politeness was just a curtesy. She definitely has the mindset of "Do what I say, when I say it, without attitude or questioning, just because I said so" - (DH and I sometimes struggle with residuals of this from our childhoods as well ) |
05-15-2012, 07:56 AM | #7 |
Deactivated
Hi ! I'm Myrtle. I like to pretend I'm an R.O.U.S.
Join Date: May 2005
Location: under the cat
Posts: 17,112
|
Re: Pet Peeve #5 by my own mom
I got a confused look from a gramma when I was babysitting. She said , "How did you get him to clean all his toys up?". I said "I told him to." She said she often told him to and he didn't. She said , "here watch this... *to the child* E , would you please put your shoes in your room ?". E gave the response he wanted. "no."
I said , "You asked. I tell. E , your Gramma meant to say 'put your shoes in your room now. Hop like a bunny if you want'. And he did. Leaving me thinking "of course" and leaving the gramma thinking I'm some magical soothsayer. She called me a "mini Mary Poppins". |
The Following 15 Users Say Thank You to J3K For This Useful Post: | Annainprogress (05-16-2012), Auroras mom (05-16-2012), Damselfly (05-15-2012), EnglishRose (05-18-2012), Hermana Linda (05-15-2012), melliethepooh (05-15-2012), OrangeHope (05-21-2012), Petie (05-15-2012), PrincessAnika (05-15-2012), Rabbit (05-17-2012), RedPetals (05-18-2012), rjy9343 (05-15-2012), Tasmanian Saint (05-16-2012), TenderLovingWillow (05-15-2012) |
05-15-2012, 07:59 AM | #8 |
Rose Garden
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: ..
Posts: 10,737
|
Re: Pet Peeve #5 by my own mom
My parents would have plainly said that it was optional or "only if you want to". They wouldn't have asked if it were a command, either, so there wasn't a chance for confusion.
__________________
DS (12), DD (10), DD2 (7) And my kids were going to behave perfectly all the time and if they didn't, they'd be Dobsoned, but I was going to Dobson so perfectly that they'd know not to slip up but once or twice because I was going to be sooooooo consistent and awesome and wise. |
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to ThreeKids For This Useful Post: | Petie (05-15-2012), Tasmanian Saint (05-16-2012) |
05-15-2012, 08:11 AM | #9 |
Rose Bush
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Tennesee
Posts: 422
|
Re: Pet Peeve #5 by my own mom
I don't think youre insane either....if it int optional you can't start with "will you..."
__________________
wife to J (2004) striving to be a gentle mama to my little guy S (2005) and princess L (2007) and our newest bundle K, september 2011 |
The Following User Says Thank You to Bumblebee For This Useful Post: | Petie (05-15-2012) |
05-15-2012, 08:15 AM | #10 |
Rose Garden
AKA mama2madj
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Grand Rapids, MI
Posts: 15,078
|
Re: Pet Peeve #5 by my own mom
It drives E batty that I ask and accept no, AND that I tell without asking
It just makes sense to me. I HATE when my kids get defensive when I asked them and they do say no. I tell them "I asked you a question. No is acceptable. There is no need for the attitude." When I tell and they say no I say "I didn't ask you, I told you. Now do it." |
The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to BeckaBlue For This Useful Post: | Annainprogress (05-16-2012), MomtoJGJ (05-16-2012), Petie (05-15-2012), Rabbit (05-17-2012), rjy9343 (05-15-2012), Tasmanian Saint (05-16-2012), TenderLovingWillow (05-15-2012) |
05-15-2012, 08:17 AM | #11 |
Rose Garden
I am so hopelessly in love..
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Chillin' in the California hills
Posts: 24,678
|
Re: Pet Peeve #5 by my own mom
I often have to tell them the difference between asking & telling. If you want it done in a timely manner, tell them. If you don't care when it gets done, ask them.
Then when I give the child a request, I have to remind the other adult that I asked them, did not tell them, and they don't have to jump up and do it right that second. |
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to hey mommy For This Useful Post: |
05-15-2012, 08:36 AM | #12 |
Rose Bush
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Indiana
Posts: 489
|
Re: Pet Peeve #5 by my own mom
This is a great thread for me to read. Thank you all! I grew up with the same type of "requests" as your mom gave, OP, that eventually turned to threats. I am fairly certain that I always talk like this as a result. "please do this, please do that" and assumed that because I said it in a certain tone or whatever that it was still a command, just a "polite" one.
__________________
Sarah (INFJ), wife to my best friend P 7/05, SAHM to my little ladies - Funny Bunny 1/09 (apraxia of speech/ASD), and my Mischievous Mini-Me born 7/28/11 |
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to magpiedpiper For This Useful Post: |
05-15-2012, 08:59 AM | #13 |
Rose Trellis
fka Sweetbelly :)
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Tomball, Texas
Posts: 1,502
|
Re: Pet Peeve #5 by my own mom
I'm having a light bulb moment. I don't ask with please and thank you, but I do end my command with "okay?"
"DS, go put your shoes away, okay?" Then I get frustrated when he tells me, "no," thinking that he is not complying. But now I'm realizing that he is telling me, "No, that is not okay with me."
__________________
Kammy-
Wifey to my always thinking, sarcastic, librarian, INFJ hubby. (10/2007) "So, I've been thinking..." Loving mama to my energetic, compassionate, and BIG feelings having ds "I" (01/2009) "You're going to be okay, little plant." and my easy-going though slightly demanding, tough bulldozer, ds "H". (09/2011) "Hey! Hey! HEEEY!" I'm blogging! |
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to LikeQuietDreams For This Useful Post: | Petie (05-15-2012), TenderLovingWillow (05-15-2012) |
05-15-2012, 09:14 AM | #14 |
Banned
"When life gives you lemons, cut them in half and squirt life in the eye!" - Unknown
Join Date: May 2012
Location: New York City, NY
Posts: 1,868
|
Re: Pet Peeve #5 by my own mom
Rest assured, you are perfectly sane. It took me forever to learn the difference between requesting and requiring. Saying "please" and "thank you" is just demonstrating politeness while giving an order.
|
The Following User Says Thank You to JoEllen For This Useful Post: | Petie (05-15-2012) |
05-15-2012, 09:37 AM | #15 | |
Banned
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: indiana
Posts: 4,410
|
Re: Pet Peeve #5 by my own mom
Quote:
This ! My mom said to my nephew, "why don't you put your car on the counter so we can set the table" Nephew "no thank you". Grandma His mom "E when Grandma says that she really means, "Put your car on the counter" Nephew "OH! OK." then he does it. I think adults need to be more clear in their language. You can be polite and say please and still use a command without making it sound optional. |
|
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to WildFlower For This Useful Post: |
Bookmarks |
Thread Tools | |
Display Modes | |
|
|
X vBulletin 3.8.3 Debug Information | |
---|---|
|
|
More Information | |
Template Usage:
Phrase Groups Available:
|
Included Files:
Hooks Called:
|