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11-29-2016, 01:57 PM | #16 |
Rose Garden
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 6,504
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Re: Need help dealing with Church Nursery
He's on board with AP. Is he also on board with parenting gently as your DS gets older? (the reason I ask is because the same people who are pushing you to leave your DS in the nursery will soon - perhaps as early as 18 months - be pushing you to parent your toddler *very* punitively...and may even claim that not to do so is disobeying God :eyeroll).
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11-29-2016, 02:41 PM | #17 | |
Rosebud
Join Date: Nov 2016
Location: FL
Posts: 59
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Re: Need help dealing with Church Nursery
Quote:
I agree with you that those people are going it try to encourage us to discipline putatively in the future, because that is how I have seen them do it. I just have to be careful not to express my frustrations and doubts around them, because I know what their answer will be... I 'd like to build the foundational understanding of GBD(and understand it's basis in scripture) so that I can stand up for my convictions when they are challenged. |
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11-29-2016, 03:24 PM | #18 | |
Rose Bouquet
INTJ, Married 14 yrs to INTJ hubby, DS1 10, DD 7, DS2 3, DD2 born 1-19-16, and 3 waiting for me in heaven.
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Columbus, OH
Posts: 504
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Re: Need help dealing with Church Nursery
Quote:
Just over Thanksgiving, my SIL was relating a story about friends of hers with a 2 year old and how she was urging them to just lock him in a crib, put one of those kid tents over it so he can't climb out, and let him cry it out to teach him he can't manipulate his parents. She told me that the child had thrown up in bed multiple times in order to get his way and get the parents to either lay with him (he recently moved to a toddler bed apparently) or rock with him until he could sleep. I felt physically ill as I listened to her. She said something to the effect that she wouldn't do that every night because she "has things to do." And then related a story of how she once let her oldest sleep in his own vomit to teach him a lesson. Heartbreaking (and also explains some things). She loves her kids, but just has no clue what she is and has been doing to them. She rarely says anything directly now, but does drop hints about what she thinks of our parenting. But, knowing what we know, we would never go back. This way is SO MUCH better in the long run! |
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11-29-2016, 10:44 PM | #19 |
Rose Garden
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,922
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Re: Need help dealing with Church Nursery
Hello
I wanted to remind you that you do not have to convince anyone that you are doing what is right for your family. You can have answers if they actually want to know more, but getting others to support you or even understand, it's not a burden you need to take on. I think many who have concerns about making idols out of children are simply unaware of or have forgotten a few things. Life has seasons. When children are small, their needs for parents to be near physically are higher. Just like they need to eat and sleep more than bigger kids. Meeting those needs is not idolatry. So a parent of young children may not participate in church the same as a single person, empty nest couple or teenager. Also, we as parents are our children's first evidence of God's character. For better or worse In the Bible, we see God compared to a loving and attentive parent multiple times. Also, as parents we make a lot of sacrifices for our children to be tender and attuned to their needs and meeting those needs. That is not idolatry, it's the sacrificial love we offer which reflects God's love for us. I would try to come up with some statements that help you feel like you are standing up for yourself and your family without insulting others or engaging discussion. "We are fine, thanks." "I've got this, Husband and I prefer Baby associate church time with happy family time and don't mind missing out ourselves sometimes." "Thanks, we are good." "I may take you up on that next time." "Interesting, I'll think about it." |
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11-30-2016, 01:06 AM | #20 |
Rose Garden
Rich in girls.
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Perth hills, Australia
Posts: 6,915
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Re: Need help dealing with Church Nursery
Amen, Meg!
Posted via Mobile Device |
11-30-2016, 06:44 AM | #21 |
Rose Trellis
What was I… eh, scrap it. I'm taking a nap.
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Here, there, and yonder
Posts: 2,232
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Re: Need help dealing with Church Nursery
MegMarch, preach it!
And when God talks about idols in the Bible, He's actually meaning literal idols. Bow down and worship, give them credit for His work, trust in them instead of Him - idols. (Even in the apostles' letters to churches.) Getting priorities out of whack is a whole 'nother thing. That phrase they are using is a judgmental buzz phrase most of the time. There's quite a few of those in church culture.
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Mom to my 7 sillies
5 girls 2 boys 4 of my 7 are teens - now 5 are teens! 5 of my 7 have special needs “Motherhood is heaven and hell, hard and holy.” -quote from Rachel Nielson |
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11-30-2016, 07:15 AM | #22 |
Moderator
My kiddos
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: What is a Hoosier????
Posts: 9,984
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Re: Need help dealing with Church Nursery
Denominations that lean legalistic are usually very punitive. For me personally, I would not do well in a denom that is not grace based. I think if you stick with this denim, you will be fighting an uphill, against the grain battle and will constantly have your faith questioned. I had an enlightenment moment when I was discussing spankibg with a friend. We realized we had different core beliefs about God. She totally believed that God still punishes us, will withhold His love, etc so she needed to punish her kids. I do not believe that at all- if it were true there would be no need for Christ's death. My advice is to read and study and make sure the denom you pick lines up with your view of God, and your parenting practices will follow. I only wish I had done that earlier in my walk.
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Kathy , INFJ Loving Wife to Hubby since 8/97 Mama to Dink 12/06 Link 7/07 Wink 3/10 Pink 12/10 and Tink 5/16 Remembering |
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11-30-2016, 08:17 AM | #23 |
Rose Trellis
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 2,685
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Re: Need help dealing with Church Nursery
I'm going to interject here. I've learned that not all IFB churches are the same. Not all IFB churches are legalistic and punitive. I visited two when I was active duty. The first one was amazing and not legalistic at all. The second one was horrible. The one I attend now is not legalistic, either. Where we are now seems to be IFB in name only and operates more like a Southern Baptist church. Our pastor used to play in the NFL. We aren't the only family in the church that practices AP. There's another family (w/11 kiddos) that does also.
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Melissa Veteran, 1994-2006. MST Survivor, Nov 1996. Child of God since 07/1982. Wife to Bryan, my best friend and retired soldier, since 06/2014. Mom to DD (02/1998), DS1 (08/2006), and DS2 (01/2009). Two w/Jesus (05/2001) and (12/2004). Stepmom to DSD (06/2007) and DSS (04/2009). |
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11-30-2016, 08:42 AM | #24 |
Moderator
My kiddos
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: What is a Hoosier????
Posts: 9,984
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Re: Need help dealing with Church Nursery
Agreed that not all are, but this one is if they are hitting babies with spoons. Overall I would say that most baptist denoms are more punitive than not. The majority are. Personally I would be wary before enmeshibg myself and esp if I was going to become a pastor, into any denom that is mostly punitive unless I was ready for a battle my whole life.
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Kathy , INFJ Loving Wife to Hubby since 8/97 Mama to Dink 12/06 Link 7/07 Wink 3/10 Pink 12/10 and Tink 5/16 Remembering |
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11-30-2016, 08:59 AM | #25 | |
Rose Garden
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 6,504
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Re: Need help dealing with Church Nursery
Quote:
That said, as I matured as a Christian I moved away from this type of church as I realized it was (1) very extrovert driven i.e. you were only a good Christian if you knocked on doors and aggressively witnessed to strangers - things that sent my anxiety sky high and literally made me ill, (2) had a fairly simple understanding of Scripture, particularly lacking the context of the knowledge of Bible times to correctly interpret things usually because (3) pastors tend to have fairly narrow educations all given by the same type of BJU or Tennessee Temple type of Bible college - if they went to seminary at all. You didn't see many who truly understood, or even cared about, the cultures of the ancient world when the Bible was written, for example - but those are crucial to a deeper understanding of the Bible. To be fair, there are people who attended those churches many years ago who are still there and seem to be happy, and that is their right. I guess what I am trying to say is that, if you are open to it, you and your DH will find there are many types of churches that preach faithfully.
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Wife to my wonderful Beloved (2002) / Mom to The Mathematician - making progress living with ASD, ADHD/SPD/anxiety and depression (2004) and precious Taylor taken from us too soon (2009). Go Team Lioness!!! |
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11-30-2016, 09:42 AM | #26 | |
Rosebud
Join Date: Nov 2016
Location: FL
Posts: 59
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Re: Need help dealing with Church Nursery
Quote:
Thank you everyone for helping me to see these things. I don't know to approach it with DH. We've been talking a lot about discipline and he thinks I'm being rebellious against the faith because every "good godly christian" family we know spanks/spanked their kids. Since I don't want to go to the pastor or the pastors wife (or even to the woman who discipled me) for advice, he sees it as a distrust of authority. What started as a post about the nursery has helped me to see there are bigger underlying issues and doubts that I have. I especially agree that with my husband being called into ministry, we have to think long and hard about what kind of church we really want to be in because I look at the youth pastors wives(who are my age... 25-26)... And I think to myself "I just could NOT do this..." Thanks y'all Last edited by daina; 11-30-2016 at 10:23 AM. |
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11-30-2016, 09:55 AM | #27 |
Rose Trellis
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 2,685
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Re: Need help dealing with Church Nursery
I don't want to hijack the thread or what have you, but having recently come out of the Word of Faith movement, which IS a cult (think new age mysticism with a splash of Christianity), you don't want to go to an extreme like that either.
We do have church visitation at our church, but it's not mandatory for members to go. It's mostly the deacons who go and those who are in training for Evangelism Explosion (EE). I never did go on visitation while going through EE because I have horrible social anxiety.
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Melissa Veteran, 1994-2006. MST Survivor, Nov 1996. Child of God since 07/1982. Wife to Bryan, my best friend and retired soldier, since 06/2014. Mom to DD (02/1998), DS1 (08/2006), and DS2 (01/2009). Two w/Jesus (05/2001) and (12/2004). Stepmom to DSD (06/2007) and DSS (04/2009). Last edited by Redeemed; 11-30-2016 at 09:58 AM. |
11-30-2016, 09:58 AM | #28 |
Rose Garden
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,922
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Re: Need help dealing with Church Nursery
As for how to discipline, I find it helpful to look at two things. 1. What I want for a relationship with my children in the long term. 2. How I believe people are supposed to be treated.
1. I want a relationship that in time ends up with us as equals, sisters in Christ, friends even. That doesn't mean I am permissive. It means I need to know my children as people though. And to understand the difference between developmental stages and personal choices. A toddler saying "no!" is a lot different than a teen saying the same As those "nos" are different, so will my responses to them be different. Being willing to step out of "society says you need to behave, so I will make you do it" and into "what is going on for YOU, how can our family work together" is important. And with the long term goals in mind, I can step out of the intensity of moments of frustration and gain perspective that helps me handle things with more calmness and, I hope, wisdom. 2. I don't think any person should be hurt in order to learn something, for example. I think God calls us to love our neighbors, even the ones sitting on our laps. When we look at how God asks and shows us to treat others, it is easier to see how to treat our children. The Bible doesn't have a lot of parenting specific information but there is a ton in there on interpersonal relationships |
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11-30-2016, 10:04 AM | #29 | |
Rosebud
Join Date: Nov 2016
Location: FL
Posts: 59
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Re: Need help dealing with Church Nursery
Quote:
Last edited by daina; 11-30-2016 at 10:23 AM. |
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11-30-2016, 10:10 AM | #30 | |
Administrator
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Posts: 34,565
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Re: Need help dealing with Church Nursery
Quote:
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Elizabeth "Truth without love is divisive and hurtful & love without truth is anemic"--Pastor Estep Arise, cry out in the night...pour out your heart like water in the presence of the Lord; Lift up your hands to him for the lives of your children..; Lamentations 2:19 |
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