Hair pulling, piching and biting

[rjy9343]

Part of this is that he is one and I think part of it is because it was happening to him.
Jacob has taken to pinching and biting Ivy at completely random times as well as pulling her hair. Sometimes they are playing and he get carried away and others he just comes up to her and does it.
I have sternly said no whatever he is doing as I remove him. I have showed Ivy how to tell when he is getting carried away so she can stop him. I have given him things to bite and pinch. I am at a loss and his sister is losing her patience with this. Not that I really blame her. I am also concerned that he is going to do it when I am not around and someone will bite him back or otherwise punish him. Help!

[Beth1231]

It is really tough when the younger child is physically bothering the older child.
For that age,I used a pack and play or a blanket and toys behind a gate if I had to use the bathroom or leave them both for a couple of minutes.
Do you wear Jacob? That is also another way you can catch a break from playing goalie. I know that gets exhausting. I'm assuming you are modeling "gentle" and taking his hands and showing him how to gently stroke or pat Ivy.
I think it's great you found something for Jacob to pinch,lol. Like a crinkle toy? You can hold it at the ready and intercept him,show him gentle touches or hand him his crinkle,rattle toy that fills that sensory exploration need.

[rjy9343]

I can't wear him for long stretches or he starts getting antsy. If I can't be there with them both, I take one of them with me or send Ivy to her room which is behind a baby gate. Ivy doesn't mind if she has to leave, but it's still not something I like doing.
I keep toys at the ready for him, but it only works when I see Jacob getting ready to hurt Ivy. It's completely random, sometimes it's when she is sitting at the table doing school or reading a book in the living room. It doesn't happen when he is waiting his turn for a toy or if he gets mad at her. Those I could head off before they happen.

[RoseOfGrace]

I'm so sorry this is happening! We struggled with J biting and hitting a lot for a while. It turned out he was jealous... really, really jealous of the new baby. He would randomly bite her toes when she was in my lap. Evenings were particularly difficult because he wanted his usual cuddle time with me, but I had the other kids vying for attention too and the baby needing fed, etc. My husband works 2nd shift, so I felt pretty stuck with no one to help. But, we've managed to work out some ways to keep baby happy (thanks to my older kids being so willing to distract her) while J gets his cuddle time before bed and he isn't expressing so much frustration any longer.

So, all that to just encourage you to do some detective work to understand the reason behind the behavior and then seek solutions for the real source of the behavior (which is really just a symptom, generally).

[Soliloquy]

He's 18 months, correct? There may not be a reason other than he's 18 months. He's highly unlikely to remember that you said no and pulled him away.

Time may be the only fix.

If Ivy doesn't mind going in a separate room, I'd encourage her to do that at the first sign of it. It's a great leaning opportunity for her, too.

[rjy9343]

No, he is seventeen months now. But was sixteen months when I posted. He is getting a little better and thinks me saying no is the best game ever. He isn't coming up to us and doing it without any warning. Now it's when he gets excited and loses what little self control he has. By excited, I don't mean upset. I mean happy and over stimulated. I don't think he has bitten us while angry in a very long time. Not since he was about nine months or so.
Ivy has suddenly decided she will stand her ground and refuses to leave the room. (That's another thread by it's self). She is willing to watch for his signs and tells him to hug her, rub her hair or whatever else she would prefer he do instead of hurting her. She is trying to modify her behavior so that she doesn't get him worked up which makes for a quieter house, I'm calling that a win. She also is amazingly understanding and reminds me that he is only doing what those kids did to him.
I do think a big part of this is being one, but he has gotten much better since James started going into the nursery at church to protect Jacob from the two kids that were doing those things to him. (I guess a boy really does need to know his father will protect him).

---------- Post added at 09:58 PM ---------- Previous post was at 09:56 PM ----------

I should mention that he is a really young one. Emotionally he doesn't act one, he acts more like he is closer to the nine month mark than his age. He really reminds me of Ivy a lot at this age. She was so immature in a lot of ways and light years ahead of her peers in others. It kept everyone off balance.

[Soliloquy]

Originally Posted by rjy9343

He is getting a little better and thinks me saying no is the best game ever.

Yep. . They just can't process that what feels good to me could hurt someone else. It's really just all fun for them.

Personally, I use "no" as little as possible. When something hurts, I say ouch. If it's dangerous, I say danger. Etc.

[rjy9343]

Usually I do that, too. But somehow when he's hurting Ivy, all I can seem to manage is no. I know it's just going to take time, but I hope it's not enough for him to snatch us all bald.