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Old 08-04-2020, 02:52 AM   #16
Beatrice
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Default Re: I thought grace baised parenting would show fruit

I think you should spend more time together. It always helps when relations with children becomes difficult. Also I noticed that mentioning some small things they like, like favourite color or food, works really well. Try to figure out what is your mistake as parent from your childrens' view. Sometimes we can't understand what's wrong just because we are adults. About yalling, it's the way to say "you don't hear me" that usually means "you don't understand me". You know what makes your kid nervous, try to avoid these topics. Try to talk with your husband about it, tell him that he has to be not only a friend to kids, but an authority also. You always have to do what you've told. In case of promises and punishment also.
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Old 08-04-2020, 05:54 AM   #17
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Default Re: I thought grace baised parenting would show fruit

It is hard to spend time with early bird. The only way I have really been successful in the past is to take her some where and that isn't an option we are still not really open- have to wear masks( that she hates) everywhere. If we are st home she will go.odf and read. In her option if she is doing anything that isn't reading at home then something is wrong. I can ocasionally intise her to play a game or paint with me but she will generally end up yelling at me latter that I ' took her reading time'. This was a whole lot better when we started her on her add meds. She was actuly interacting with his but now she is back to being mad that I don't supply her with many new books every day and let her spend all day reading them.

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Old 08-13-2020, 12:15 PM   #18
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Default Re: I thought grace baised parenting would show fruit

What is she reading? Well chosen books can be a great tool. If reading is the thing she loves perhaps you can use it to make the reading experience as constuctive and as edifying as possible. Do you have access to library?
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Old 08-13-2020, 01:16 PM   #19
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Default Re: I thought grace baised parenting would show fruit

Our library is open for things on hold.

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Old 08-14-2020, 03:05 PM   #20
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Default Re: I thought grace baised parenting would show fruit

Would something like this help with connection?
https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/15465...?ie=UTF8&psc=1

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Old 08-14-2020, 03:53 PM   #21
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Default Re: I thought grace baised parenting would show fruit

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Would something like this help with connection?
https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/15465...?ie=UTF8&psc=1

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It probably would.

I need to make time to sit down and draw with her this weekend

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Old 08-14-2020, 04:12 PM   #22
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Default Re: I thought grace baised parenting would show fruit

Ok sending one your way.

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Old 08-14-2020, 04:20 PM   #23
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Default Re: I thought grace baised parenting would show fruit

Thank you.

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Old 08-15-2020, 07:12 AM   #24
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Default Re: I thought grace baised parenting would show fruit

You are a good mom but I know I needed a few gentle reminders that when parenting children who skirt the ADHD line grace based parenting looks different and bears fruit at different times. Adding in the wonderful overhaul that is adolescence can really jack up things up even when they were previously smooth and lovely. More so when they have been an uphill climb for such a long long time.

Adolescence is about when grace based parenting becomes about boundaries and can look a little more like traditional parenting even if the heart of the motivation is different.
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Old 08-15-2020, 08:06 AM   #25
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Default Re: I thought grace baised parenting would show fruit

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Originally Posted by WanderingJuniper View Post
You are a good mom but I know I needed a few gentle reminders that when parenting children who skirt the ADHD line grace based parenting looks different and bears fruit at different times. Adding in the wonderful overhaul that is adolescence can really jack up things up even when they were previously smooth and lovely. More so when they have been an uphill climb for such a long long time.

Adolescence is about when grace based parenting becomes about boundaries and can look a little more like traditional parenting even if the heart of the motivation is different.
Thank you. I have always say that God gave me wiggle worm so that I know I am not the problem. Because early bird has not followed the books as to what a child will do sience she was about two.

Wiggle worm is definitely her own fistly self but the parenting books say I'd you wisper the child will lower their volume to match and she does, early bird will look at you and then scream even louder. It is like that with absolutely everything.

Early bird has an ADHD diagnosis and I still think that she is on the Autistic spectrum.Despite being told by an evaluation at 7 that she has add and anxiety and it can't be Autusm because she looks people in the eye. The thing is she doesn't she will look between your eyes, and if she has her glasses off it seems more like she is looking in your eyes. With her glasses on it is a lot more obvious that she doesn't. But she will fake it well for new people. The only time I have ever seen her sustain eye contact was atthe communion rail at the Lutheran Church we attended in Vermont for 9 months.

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Wife to a wonderful DH for 18 years.
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and my little Wiggle Worm born 33 weeks who is six.
How do I suddenly not have any little girls!

Last edited by knitlove; 08-15-2020 at 08:15 AM.
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Old 08-15-2020, 12:57 PM   #26
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Default Re: I thought grace baised parenting would show fruit

My oldest is 9 and I am hesitant to push for a diagnosis since it seems so many girls get misdiagnosed. Masking behavior like faking eye contact is so common in girls with ASD. How does this get her denied the Dx that will open doors to supports she needs?

I read that yours wants to go off and read. Would she maybe like just hanging in the same room with you while she reads? You could read your own thing, work on your art, etc? I enjoy very much being close to other people but doing our own stuff. It feels less intense.
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Old 08-15-2020, 01:43 PM   #27
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Default Re: I thought grace baised parenting would show fruit

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My oldest is 9 and I am hesitant to push for a diagnosis since it seems so many girls get misdiagnosed. Masking behavior like faking eye contact is so common in girls with ASD. How does this get her denied the Dx that will open doors to supports she needs?



I read that yours wants to go off and read. Would she maybe like just hanging in the same room with you while she reads? You could read your own thing, work on your art, etc? I enjoy very much being close to other people but doing our own stuff. It feels less intense.
I am hoping being in a bigger state that I will have better options for evaluations here, and her age. I don't think she doesn't have add and angziety - I mean she is related to me. Our Dr put us on the weight list for evaluation about a year ago, I have no idea what has happened to that I need to bring it up with our new Dr.


And yes she very much would love to read with me in the evenings. I need to make it a priority to do with her. But for her to enjoy it I have to actually be reading with her or listening to an audio book with headphones and knitting or anything. It is hard for me to want to sit down and read in the evenings, reading is fun and I enjoy it but being dyslexic it is not a relaxing thing for me at all. I need to try to make that happen this evening because she would enjoy it.

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How do I suddenly not have any little girls!
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Old 08-15-2020, 02:11 PM   #28
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Default Re: I thought grace baised parenting would show fruit

Our eval waitlist has not come to anything either. We are such twinners sometimes. I'm excited for you that a new area might mean better assessments.

Does it "count" for her if you use a kindle with the dyslexic focused font? I don't know if that makes things easier for you or not.

You've got this!
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Old 08-15-2020, 02:59 PM   #29
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Default Re: I thought grace baised parenting would show fruit

I appreciate so much y'all dioligong all this with me here.

Today I spent 3.5 hours dealing with her freaking out before she would do her school work.

She has school work to do today because yesterday,they were cutting down a tree a street over and I knew that she would not be able to focus with that noise, even though she hadn't comented appon it during breakfast So when the girls asked to ride bikes I suggested they ride and I walk. We walked over and them watched form 20 min and came home.

At that point I tried to start school ( she has less than 2 hours of work, 3 if she decides she needs to slideout of her seat every few minutes) she completely lost it saying ' I hadn't told her that she would still have to do school' and ' it isn't fair for me to let them do something fun and then expect them to do any sort of work'

After she screamed at me over this for 40min and then stomped in to her room, I told her she could do school Friday after noon and get done with it or she could do school on Saturday with me while Daddy did things with wiggle worm. She proceeded to read in her bed for 6 hours.

This morning when after breakfast I asked her to join me for school work she completely freaked. First she said that she had to do it with Daddy, which was neaver on the table. Then she started screaming that she had things she needed to do first. I calmly reminded her that the issue with doing school yesterday was I let her do something first, so no I was not going to do that today.

She layed in her bed and stairs at the ceiling for 2 hours. I tried to talk to her, about how if the issue was that she wasn't getting time with Daddy then the best way to get time with him was to finish school and then we could all do fun things together. That turned in to about 15 min of her screaming at me and then hideing in her bed randomly screatching at me for 30 min ( every so often I would say ' I can tell you are unhappy, if I can help you let me know) and then she started crying. After 15 of crying when I was sporaticly asking if she would like a huge she finally agreed to that. After a bout 5 min of kind of hugging her on her top bunk she let me carry her to the couch and hold her untill Dh had finished lunch.

We finished with lunch about 30 min ago and she has done half of the school things she needs to do. And actually written a short paragraph, when I told her she could give me a bulit point list, it is honislty the nicest paragraph she has ever written.


I do not understand why she would prefer to spend 3 hours screaming at me and staring at the ceiling than do an hours worth of work. I spend so much more time dealing with her freaking out over something than actually just getting it done.

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---------- Post added at 04:59 PM ---------- Previous post was at 04:14 PM ----------

And now all on her own she just solved her science problem ( how long would it take you to get to a certain spot in space ) useing conversions with proprtionality, which was the thing she fought the absolute hardest over learning last year because they were stupid and she would neaver use them.

Why couldn't we ha e done this yesterday?!!

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How do I suddenly not have any little girls!
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Old 08-16-2020, 09:54 PM   #30
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Default Re: I thought grace baised parenting would show fruit

Hugs. R will often spend the entire day resisting a 10 minute task. I don't understand and wish I had some helpful advice. It sounds like you are doing everything right, and someday the fruit will be evident.

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