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Nurturing our Children (AP & Multi-age Parenting Topics) *Public* A public forum. GCM Webpage: Attachment and Natural Parenting |
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02-10-2014, 05:32 AM | #1 |
Rose Bouquet
Remember, you are not managing an inconvenience; You are raising a human being ~ Kittie Frantz
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Western NY
Posts: 666
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2 or 3? Trying to decide
Ok ladies I need some people to talk to about this decision that do not have a vested interest in it
We have two beautiful little boys right now. DS1 is almost 5 and DS2 will be 2 in a couple of months. DS1 is a handful- very intense, high energy, dramatic. He is the reason I am on here and read every good parenting book I can get my hands on DS2 is much more laid back, easy going but still very high energy. They are amazing boys So we are thinking about trying for another one come this spring. My DH says that he would be happy with two but if I want another one he is fine with that too. However I know that he would rather stay at two mainly because he feels like my pregnancies have been stressful. With DS1 I developed mild pre-e at 40+ weeks, went in to be induced, spent 4 days in the hospital trying to be induced, never got past 3 cm and ended up with a C-section. With DS2 I wanted a VBAC but started to develop high blood pressure (no pre-e) at 34 weeks, was put on meds that controlled it pretty well up until about 39 weeks when my blood pressure spiked to 185/115 which prompted a pretty stressful drive to the hospital and a C-section at 10pm that night. Anyway both of my births have been very stressful and scary for DH. He is worried that if I became pregnant again it would be worse. However I have lost a bunch of weight since DS2 came (which should help the high blood pressure) and should for the first time in my life be at a "normal" weight before we conceive this time. I also plan on having him go to the doctor with me before we conceive to talk to the doctor about his concerns. I think that should help him. I am also getting opinions (not necessarily wanted) from other people too. My mom is VERY against us having three because she was one of three girls and she felt like she was always the odd man out. So she thinks we should stop at two or have four. I would really like to have another one- I don't feel "done". However I am worried about having the time and energy to take care of three. I have pretty high standards for myself and just manage to hit them now. I know that both of the boys will be older when the baby is born but I worry about being able to give everyone the time and attention that they need. I am also going to be starting to homeschool DS1 the year after the baby would be born. I just worry about being overwhelmed. I don't know how you ladies with big families do it. So those with three do you find that you have an "odd man out"? Anyone else have similar health issues and have three? Someone please reassure me that having three isn't that bad
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Jessica Momma to DS1-the Monkinroanie DS2-the Sweet Punkin DS3- the Peanut and the rainbow babies DS4 and DD
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02-10-2014, 06:18 AM | #2 |
Rose Garden
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: In my sparkly place
Posts: 15,140
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Re: 2 or 3? Trying to decide
That is such a big decision.
Our littles are two girls then a boy, and there has been trouble with the boy being the odd man out at times. It gives good opportunities for teaching all of them about relationships, but I am still sad for my lonely boy. I think he has a closer relationship with me and DH, though.
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Karen 4 Wielder of the Sparkly Pencil of Sneak-Attack Silliness. Flowery Sunshine Power Woman
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02-10-2014, 06:37 AM | #3 |
Rose Garden
Why thank you, it is naturally blue...
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 21,278
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The dynamic between two and three is definitely different. I found two kids to be very fun, but it felt like something was missing. Bringing ds2 into our family added a whole new energy and liveliness to everything and both older siblings LOVE LOVE LOVE having a younger sibling.
That said, I did grow up as one of three and know the "left out dynamic" you're speaking of. There are ways to mitigate it though, and honestly I love having a bigger family. It does change how we do some things but I've been able to homeschool the past two years even with a brand new baby week turned into an active toddler. Sent from my phone using Tapatalk |
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02-10-2014, 06:44 AM | #4 |
Rose Garden
Our Family
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: South Carolina
Posts: 5,047
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Re: 2 or 3? Trying to decide
I am in a similar situation. I want more, four even, but am also really happy with two.
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Mary K
wife to Daniel for 16 years mom to 13 year old the Girl and 11 year old the Boy and 8 year old Tiny Almost always posting from my phone. |
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02-10-2014, 07:56 AM | #5 |
Rose Garden
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 4,083
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Re: 2 or 3? Trying to decide
If you don't feel done, there's your answer. I don't think you ever regret the children you do have, only the ones you don't I was one of three kids and I always said I wanted four children because I felt 2 was too few and three just felt "odd". I ended up with five
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~ Single mama to five blessings ~
~ one Tween two Young Thinkers and two Little Explorers ~ ISFP/Type 2 ~ Forgiveness happens when it becomes unimportant to hit back ~ Unite! ~ |
02-10-2014, 08:22 AM | #6 |
Rose Garden
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: South Carolina
Posts: 16,108
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Re: 2 or 3? Trying to decide
Well, having had that "one more" baby. And now I have four. Two would be so much easier. I do not regret my fourth at all.
For 5 years I had only three. There wasn't an odd man out very much because of their ages and gender , I think. Oldest is boy and then next two are girls. The girls often play together. If you are "on the fence" about it, I would wait until your youngest is older. Give it another year. I love this 5 yr gap I have. So much easier than having a 2-3 yr gap where you have a toddler to chase and keep up with. I also was trying to convince myself to stick with only two children because dh only wanted two. But we had an oops. I thought I had more safe day and I was wrong. It is a very personal decision. for you Also realize that you will be having a c-section.
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k-i-loyd, not kill loyd ISFJ/P Katherine, married 8-9-97 ds1 22 (adding a dil in August!) dd1 18 dd2 16 ds2 10 Last edited by kiloyd; 02-10-2014 at 12:52 PM. |
02-10-2014, 08:27 AM | #7 | ||||
Rose Bouquet
Remember, you are not managing an inconvenience; You are raising a human being ~ Kittie Frantz
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Western NY
Posts: 666
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Re: 2 or 3? Trying to decide
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People ask us all the time if we are going to try for a girl now that we have the two boys but honestly I would rather have another boy at this point. I have all the boy clothes still ---------- Post added at 10:27 AM ---------- Previous post was at 10:24 AM ---------- yeah unfortunately I have pretty much resigned myself to that fact. There was only one doc in the area (within a 2 hour drive) that would even consider the VBAC and none that I know of that will do a VBA2C. I will still try to talk them into it but figure that it won't work. I hate that part of it
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Jessica Momma to DS1-the Monkinroanie DS2-the Sweet Punkin DS3- the Peanut and the rainbow babies DS4 and DD
Last edited by rcsmom; 02-10-2014 at 08:30 AM. |
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02-10-2014, 08:30 AM | #8 |
Rose Trellis
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Over the river and through the woods
Posts: 3,329
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Re: 2 or 3? Trying to decide
Wow. I could have written your OP (except I have 2 girls.)
for wisdom.
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Mama to DD 4yo and DD 1yo |
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02-10-2014, 08:28 AM | #9 |
Rose Garden
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 16,748
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Re: 2 or 3? Trying to decide
I am happy with two but don't feel done. I plan to have four because I don't want that odd man out thing either. Yet, I want to be open to being done at 3. I hear ya.
Would you be expecting to have another section?
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ENFp Wife who is thankful to be in love....17 years Homeschooling Mom of three....15 DD dancer and 12 DS mountain biker and 5 DD calico critter and dolly mommy 12/2014 8/2015 11/2015 9/2016 |
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02-10-2014, 10:03 AM | #10 |
Rose Garden
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 25,657
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Re: 2 or 3? Trying to decide
I am one that would only have 2 or 4. I've seen a lot of 3 = odd man out situations in families.
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Mommy to: Ds (9.5), Dd (7), Ds2 (6), and Ds3 (4.5). |
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02-10-2014, 11:20 AM | #11 |
Rose Bouquet
Remember, you are not managing an inconvenience; You are raising a human being ~ Kittie Frantz
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Western NY
Posts: 666
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Re: 2 or 3? Trying to decide
Do you think that gender or spacing make a difference in those situations? We would either end up with 3 boys or 2 boys and a girl all very evenly spaced. Or could it be more personality based? I think that was my mom's issue- she is very different personality wise from her two sisters.
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Jessica Momma to DS1-the Monkinroanie DS2-the Sweet Punkin DS3- the Peanut and the rainbow babies DS4 and DD
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02-10-2014, 11:52 AM | #12 |
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 12,270
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Re: 2 or 3? Trying to decide
I think it depends. Personality plays a part in it, yeah. My dh is one of four and he was always the "odd man out" because he never "fit" with his siblings.
But he was also the youngest, and the one with the largest space between (he was 3 years younger, all his siblings were two years apart). Also, his sister was the oldest and only girl, so she didn't need to fit in; it was a different dynamic for her. So there's gender at play, too. I know families of three kids who work really well, and families where it's hard, for whatever the reason. I don't think just the number plays a part.
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Christa Oldest, 22 Middlest, 13 Youngest, 10 |
02-10-2014, 12:44 PM | #13 | |
Rose Garden
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 16,748
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Re: 2 or 3? Trying to decide
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Gender/personality DOES make a difference. I keep hoping homeschooling will help with the large age gap we'd have.
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ENFp Wife who is thankful to be in love....17 years Homeschooling Mom of three....15 DD dancer and 12 DS mountain biker and 5 DD calico critter and dolly mommy 12/2014 8/2015 11/2015 9/2016 |
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02-10-2014, 06:43 AM | #14 |
Rose Garden
Rich in girls.
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Perth hills, Australia
Posts: 6,915
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Re: 2 or 3? Trying to decide
If you don't feel done, I almost think that is your answer unless your DH had strong feelings otherwise.
AFA what you mother said, wow, just wow. I don't see that as a reason not to have 3. But that is a reason to make a special effort to help children be inclusive and care about other peoples' feelings. And I really can't imagine anyone on his or her deathbed regretting having 3 children instead of 2. 2 and 3 children both sound so few to me. But then again, I am not homeschooling. Posted via Mobile Device |
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02-10-2014, 08:46 AM | #15 | |
Rose Garden
Why thank you, it is naturally blue...
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 21,278
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Quote:
If we had stopped at just ds1 we'd have so much more $, he'd be in lots of cool activities, have all my time/attention for awesome homeschooling, we'd go on vacation trips every year, etc... and that would have been super fun . But he prefers having siblings, he'd rather have his little brother and sister than all those things. I've learned to accept my children's perspective that they prefer another person in our family and not worry that they're deprived of "extras" because they don't feel deprived, they're very happy. Sent from my phone using Tapatalk |
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