Yelling Support Thread

[Soliloquy]

On days when I am really self disciplined, everything is so much better. I get up at 6 or 7 no mastter how tired I am (my kids are often up until 11 or 12 and my oldest is the only one who sttn), get dressed immediately, get my work done immediately. Keep the tv off. Get the kids engaged in something in the morning. Plan my menus. But this is not natural to me, I hate feeling caged in.

[Dovenoir]

Originally Posted by LisaM

On days when I am really self disciplined, everything is so much better. I get up at 6 or 7 no mastter how tired I am (my kids are often up until 11 or 12 and my oldest is the only one who sttn), get dressed immediately, get my work done immediately. Keep the tv off. Get the kids engaged in something in the morning. Plan my menus. But this is not natural to me, I hate feeling caged in.

This is so hard for me too, especially engaging 2 under 1.5. I buck under routines..

That's funny LisaM because sometimes it's exactlly the opposite that I need to do. I don't have a set routine for each day as such but the minute I wake up my brain builds a plan for the day based on what the house/children etc need or rather what I decide they need & if my plan gets 'mucked up' by their actual needs I get frustrated & yell. I really need to work hard at not rigidly sticking to that plan no matter what but to ebb & flow with the days happenings.

[Daria_Aleksandrovna]

N/m

[shaslove]

Originally Posted by canadiyank

How's today?

Better, I got more sleep. I am so awful when I do not get enough sleep and I was sick too.

I really feel like I'm grasping at straws lately with dd. She will be 2 in Feb. and whines for just about everything she wants because she's not really "talking" yet. I feel terrible when I yell, "WHAT" at her and realize she was just needing her sippy cup or something. Being a parent is so much harder than I thought it would be and I hate yelling.

[charla]

Originally Posted by peep

I really feel like I'm grasping at straws lately with dd. She will be 2 in Feb. and whines for just about everything she wants because she's not really "talking" yet. I feel terrible when I yell, "WHAT" at her and realize she was just needing her sippy cup or something. Being a parent is so much harder than I thought it would be and I hate yelling.

I count parenting as one of the hardest things I'm doing in my life.

[Cook]

Checking back in to say that I was doing awful. I mean so awful that my husband said something to me about it. Lots of drama- a blow up- holiday crazies- getting ready to go back to school... Most of this is situational. Also in general I'm sliding back to punitive parenting and I don't like it. I don't like the way it makes me perceive the kids They are so much more when I'm not only attending to their mess ups. I feel secure and confident in the level of hard work I do to tend to this flock. But I'm grateful that so much of it came to a head last night in our (eh..) conversation. Today has been much much better. I've been looking back on what makes me yell less and applying it in large does today with great success. I'm still a little nutty but it's hard to get off that train when you get it going as fast as I have lately. I hadn't even logged on to GCM in forever... First thing I saw when I did was this thread. Awesome timing and help

[mellymommy]

I am finding the Christmas "hangover" to be incredibly difficult to manage. The kids are all emotional and WILD and I am trying to get the house back in order, find time to do some home school planning, and get us back on track with our eating...all of this to say that some apologies have been issued today.

[jmom1984]

Originally Posted by mellymommy

I am finding the Christmas "hangover" to be incredibly difficult to manage. The kids are all emotional and WILD and I am trying to get the house back in order, find time to do some home school planning, and get us back on track with our eating...all of this to say that some apologies have been issued today.

Same here. I've been trying to put my finger on what exactly is UP with my 4yodd, but Christmas "hangover" is probably a perfect explanation. At least I hope. Because if this is a stage that is going to last a while, I'm at a loss for how to handle it. The last few days I have been teaching her to go to what I'm calling her "quiet spot" (aka comfort corner) to be alone for a minute when she is overwhelmed, or doesn't know what to do, or is very sad or angry, wants to hurt her sister, whatever. The added bonus is that not only does she not hurt her sister, but she is also out of range so that I can't yell at her. She has gone in her room and screamed and cried, but I make myself stay out until we are both calm enough to resolve it. Even though hearing her in there makes my blood boil. Then again, just today, when her 2yo sister was getting on her nerves, she got up silently, walked to her room, and shut the door, and when I went in there she was reading a book on her bed I was honestly surprised that she remembered to do it since I've just started teaching her. It was a proud moment for me

[shaslove]

Originally Posted by mellymommy

I am finding the Christmas "hangover" to be incredibly difficult to manage. The kids are all emotional and WILD and I am trying to get the house back in order, find time to do some home school planning, and get us back on track with our eating...all of this to say that some apologies have been issued today.

Same thing here.

Lina has been staying up WAAAYYY too late (ie, we put her to bed and she is still awake at 10!) so I got her up early today and asked her babysitter to run around some.

Looking forward to next week and routine again!

[marigold]

I accidentally stumbled across this gentleness challenge on another site,
http://womenlivingwell.org/2012/01/i...ess-challenge/
I don't know anything about the rest of the site but I thought that this following quote was really good.
"Are you baffled at the fact that your children are not listening to you? Research has shown that when a parent raises their voice at a child – a defense mechanism kicks in that helps the child emotionally protect themselves by tuning out what you are actually saying. When we as moms go on a long rant about something the child has done wrong – we may feel better because we got our feelings out – but our child has not been brought any closer to wisdom and understanding.
Surprisingly, when we harshly tell our children we do not like something they are doing – all they hear is – “you don’t like me“- period. It’s the harshness that accompanies the correction that causes the child to take personal offense and not listen." - Courtney @ Women Living Well Ministries

This section might just be talking about a 'yelling rant' but I often think too how non-yelling rants get tuned out too. I can still remember the feeling of my mum going on & on & on. I'm not sure why she did it but I know I often fall into that trap when I'm explaining something to the kids & as I'm talking I think 'oh, this way of explaining will make more sense to them' & then I prattle on about that & then I think of an even better way to explain it until my eldest will say 'yes, yes mum, I get it!'

Short, simple & to the point is often heard better by a child & it leaves less time for our anger to go from simmer to boiling over.

I am going to get a cup of tea and read this thread. I wanted to say thank you though to all of you who are honest about it. I only read the first page so far and I appreciate the honesty from everyone!

[simplegirl]

joining in :group hug

I'm really sick of asking my oldest to forgive me (over and over again). My child is so forgiving and he forgives every.single.time...but I feel so bad for him that I'm constantly apologizing...I feel like we're in the abuse cycle where I yell, then I'm sorry, over and over again. It makes me so so sad for him. I know there is grace, but there has to be a stop to this.

I have been sick a lot this past year and ya know...when we feel bad we act bad. And I know that I'm way hormonally off-balance, which I am working on under a wonderful doctor's care. My moods are already improving...now it's the "habit" of yelling I need to break from.

This is at THE top of my "new year's resolutions".