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Old 01-19-2010, 03:20 PM   #76
allisonintx
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Default Re: s/o parenting self-talk

Here's where I'm coming from.

An emotionally healthy reaction is a Christlike one. I want to disciple myself to be more Christlike.

I self-talk to break old patterns, and the old tapes that play in my head. Because, even though I reject those old patterns, they are/were still my ingrained First Response. When I've done it enough times, my First Response changes.
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Love. You can learn all the math in the 'verse, but you take a boat in the air that you don't love, she'll shake you off just as sure as the turn of the world. Love keeps her in the air when she ought to fall down. Tells you she's hurting before she keens. Makes her a home.
. . . . . . .



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Old 01-19-2010, 03:50 PM   #77
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Default Re: s/o parenting self-talk

Quote:
Originally Posted by belaruska View Post
i cannot be there until i can behave appropriately. i just don't get to treat my kids that way. i just don't. it's not acceptable. just b/c i don't want to witness their big feelings, or clean up, or have a toy broken in frustration, does not give me permission to stay in the situation while i am out of control and lash out. again, that's what my mother did. i have learned a better way. a HARDER way, but a better way for myself and my children.


Thank you Irene. Thank you SO much. The things you are saying are ringing so true for me and I really need to hear them.
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Old 01-19-2010, 05:33 PM   #78
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Default Re: s/o parenting self-talk

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Originally Posted by Mum2Es View Post


Thank you Irene. Thank you SO much. The things you are saying are ringing so true for me and I really need to hear them.
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Old 01-20-2010, 12:37 PM   #79
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Default Re: s/o parenting self-talk

Thank you so much for this thread!!!! I have 7 3x5 cards sitting next to me full of ideas and quotes to hang up in the kitchen where I can see them all the time.

I also wrote down a list of things that fill my cup and drain me...

Things that drain are:
-interuptions to an important task
-not enough sleep
-big messes (after I worked hard to clean)
-jobs that have no defined beginning or end.
-not being heard or listened to
-being unsure/confused.
-feeling underappreciated.

Having that list written out and in the front of my mind has helped so much just seeing sitautions over the past few weeks where some self-talk and validating those feelings would have helped...And it's things I run across all the time.
WOW! This has been so helfpul! THANK YOU!

(I also wrote a list for dd1 and I think it will help me see areas where I can be more graceful towards her and also validate her feelings not just snap )
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Old 01-20-2010, 04:52 PM   #80
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Default Re: s/o parenting self-talk

I sooooo need this.
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Old 01-24-2010, 08:07 PM   #81
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Default Re: s/o parenting self-talk

Wow! What an amazing thread. I've been talking to my dh about how as I try to help my ds express his big feelings in a healthy way that I'm having to work on expressing my big feelings in a healthy way. So far I've gotten pretty good at taking a deep breath and saying a quick prayer. On a few occasions I've told my ds that "Mama needs a break" and walked into another room for a moment. As a very emotional gal, this thread really has been helpful in understanding how important it is to take my breathing and breaks to a deeper level by taking to time to identify and talk through my feelings when I'm able to before reacting. Thanks so much for all of the great examples and tools!
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Old 01-24-2010, 08:10 PM   #82
allisonintx
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Default Re: s/o parenting self-talk

Debbie we're glad you're here.
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Love. You can learn all the math in the 'verse, but you take a boat in the air that you don't love, she'll shake you off just as sure as the turn of the world. Love keeps her in the air when she ought to fall down. Tells you she's hurting before she keens. Makes her a home.
. . . . . . .



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Old 01-24-2010, 08:54 PM   #83
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Default Re: s/o parenting self-talk

Allison - DH wanted me to tell you how thankful he is to you for this self-parenting thing. EVERY. SINGLE. DAY he says, "man, this whole self-parenting thing is amazing."
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Old 01-24-2010, 08:59 PM   #84
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Default Re: s/o parenting self-talk

You know, my biggest parenting tool atm is a quick prayer. I read somewhere that "God, help me!" is a valid prayer (it's somewhere in the Bible, I can't remember where), and I've used it more than once, and He's been faithful to answer it. I usually have a miraculous supply of patience, or a novel idea on how to handle the situation.
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Old 01-24-2010, 10:38 PM   #85
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Default Re: s/o parenting self-talk

oh guys...
3s hit here a little early. ds is really really hard to handle
we are all just ... i have no words. i had to restrain ourselves multiple times today to not do something we'd regret later. i know these same traits will make him my sweet, loving, caring, do-anything-for-you, dependable son one day, and i will rely on him, but right now it's so hard to be around him.

anyone has an idea for script for a nearly 3 yr old that looks at you with murder in his eyes and says awful things in a tone of voice that you would probably punch an adult for
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Old 01-24-2010, 11:55 PM   #86
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Default Re: s/o parenting self-talk

Quote:
Originally Posted by belaruska View Post
oh guys...
3s hit here a little early. ds is really really hard to handle
we are all just ... i have no words. i had to restrain ourselves multiple times today to not do something we'd regret later. i know these same traits will make him my sweet, loving, caring, do-anything-for-you, dependable son one day, and i will rely on him, but right now it's so hard to be around him.

anyone has an idea for script for a nearly 3 yr old that looks at you with murder in his eyes and says awful things in a tone of voice that you would probably punch an adult for
My newly 4 year old is doing that too. I'm doing good with the scripts for her, but I often have to restrain myself before I lash out. I could use some help with self-talk for me too.
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Old 01-25-2010, 05:04 AM   #87
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Default Re: s/o parenting self-talk

Quote:
Originally Posted by belaruska View Post
oh guys...
3s hit here a little early. ds is really really hard to handle
we are all just ... i have no words. i had to restrain ourselves multiple times today to not do something we'd regret later. i know these same traits will make him my sweet, loving, caring, do-anything-for-you, dependable son one day, and i will rely on him, but right now it's so hard to be around him.

anyone has an idea for script for a nearly 3 yr old that looks at you with murder in his eyes and says awful things in a tone of voice that you would probably punch an adult for
"Try again."
If necessary, say it the way you wish to hear it so he can copy you. My nearly 6yo gets a TON of these (Allison says 6 is 3x2 )
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Old 01-27-2010, 08:41 PM   #88
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Default Re: s/o parenting self-talk

I'm really working at scripting got E.

I have a hard time when I get stuck.
I thought E had nursed to sleep laid her down and she popped up and would not wait in her bed for him to come snuggle w/her. I was tired of nursing her and just done. She ran out and when back with him. I was so needlessly angry.
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I first learned to show grace to my child that was not shown to me, then I learned to accept it for myself, and only recently have I been able to have grace for others more.
~Sweetpeasmommy
A

Last edited by Maggirayne; 01-27-2010 at 08:48 PM.
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Old 01-28-2010, 12:38 PM   #89
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Default Re: s/o parenting self-talk

This thread has been so helpful!!! But, does anyone have any books they reccomend reading about this? Thanks.
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Old 01-28-2010, 12:49 PM   #90
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Default Re: s/o parenting self-talk

I'm still hoping for some scripts. I'm not sure what i should be *saying* to myself right now...
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