consequence for waking up brother in the morning?

[greenishmama]

Originally Posted by milkmommy

Is their a consequence for big brother over reacting to being woken up?
Is little brother doing more than just impluse control stuff. Like forgetting and turning on lights or does he purposely keep going till big brother wakes up? How long between siblings wake time?

confused because it seems there should not be a consequence for brother overreacting (if we're not supposed to have a consequence for little waking him up.) I get confused about consequences I guess.

little one is definitely trying to wake him up on purpose. He purposely keeps going. There are times he comes and snuggles with me if I'm still in bed but other random times he decides to stay in there and wake and annoy his brother.

they don't have consistent wake up times. I'd think little one would need to sleep longer actually. they often don't sleep late if they've stayed up late. they seem do all their sleeping in after a few days to a week of maybe not getting quite enough sleep. they catch up I guess. so it seems to vary in how tired each one is and when they are doing their catch up sleep late and just what time in general each one wakes up. Older brother just slips out quietly when younger still sleeping (he'd probably rather he didn't wake him up for reasons other than love....)

[milkmommy]

I never said little brother shouldnt also have a conquence. I just also wonder if big brother had any conquence for or if he over reacted to being woke. From a previous post you made it also sound like his response could need some tapering as well.
i say this as s non morning person that gets extremely irritated if woken before I'm naturally ready.

[greenishmama]

Originally Posted by milkmommy

I never said little brother shouldnt also have a conquence. I just also wonder if big brother had any conquence for or if he over reacted to being woke. From a previous post you made it also sound like his response could need some tapering as well.
i say this as s non morning person that gets extremely irritated if woken before I'm naturally ready.

well, older brother actually doesn't have one of his huge overreactions to being woken up. Just comes down all sleepy and complaining about it. He's mad, but I guess is not awake enough or energy enough yet for the normal high pitched whiny type yelling or his other reaction (he lately has somehow got it in his head that he has to and is entitled to express his anger loudly, etc.) I guess he's not feeling heard and validated otherwise? But he overreacts and has such low tolerance much of the time.

[CelticJourney]

I would think short term on this because lack of sleep seems to be core issue for ds1

Brainstorm your options:

• Let ds1 sleep in your room
• Let ds2 sleep in your room
• Put up some sort of divider. Probably not as productive since light and noise are still a factor.
• Wake up before ds2 and help him 'make it happen' to leave the room quietly. In the long run this is probably what would give the best results because it helps establish a pattern of 'wake up and walk out' and it give you the opportunity to help me walk though this.

.........

[greenishmama]

Originally Posted by CelticJourney

I would think short term on this because lack of sleep seems to be core issue for ds1

Brainstorm your options:

• Let ds1 sleep in your room
• Let ds2 sleep in your room
• Put up some sort of divider. Probably not as productive since light and noise are still a factor.
• Wake up before ds2 and help him 'make it happen' to leave the room quietly. In the long run this is probably what would give the best results because it helps establish a pattern of 'wake up and walk out' and it give you the opportunity to help me walk though this.

.........

I feel like the last idea above would be opening a can of worms though. When ds 2 has been up and seen me but then either wanders back or insists on going back in the room for various reasons I'm not able to get him to cooperate and just quietly go downstairs with me. (so sometimes he might have a legitimate reason for going back in- get his stuffed animal or something, but we just can't trust his actions at all- he is unpredictable and would thinking nothing of waking him up even though I might be in the hallway)
but if I wake up before him then I'm not sure what I'd do to help him. sit in the room and watch to see when he wakes up and try to get him to come out quietly? I don't think that would work. I never know when he's going to wake up. I could be sitting up there for 30 minutes or an hour if it's a day he sleeps late.
I'm sorry to sound like many ideas won't work. It's hard to not know someone's kids and situation other than the few words in a post.
I think the reward idea would work the best. If either slept in our room on a regular basis they would be getting woken up by us. or when my husband sometimes gets called to work in the middle of the night.

[milkmommy]

would it be possible to work on getting them both on a more consistent sleep pattern? DO they have a set bed time?

[CelticJourney]

I guess a lot would depend on the layout of your house. In my house, my room is across the hall for ds, so I would bring some laundry or knitting in there and get some things done while keeping an eye on what was happening across the hall.

If ds2 came out and wanted something, I would tell him to wait in the hall while I went to get it - no return trips. If we were downstairs, I would put up a baby gate or some other barrier - even a symbolic one just to serve as a reminder - at the foot of the stairs.

[sweetpeas]

Originally Posted by greenishmama

little one is definitely trying to wake him up on purpose. He purposely keeps going. There are times he comes and snuggles with me if I'm still in bed but other random times he decides to stay in there and wake and annoy his brother.

they don't have consistent wake up times. I'd think little one would need to sleep longer actually. they often don't sleep late if they've stayed up late. they seem do all their sleeping in after a few days to a week of maybe not getting quite enough sleep. they catch up I guess. so it seems to vary in how tired each one is and when they are doing their catch up sleep late and just what time in general each one wakes up. Older brother just slips out quietly when younger still sleeping (he'd probably rather he didn't wake him up for reasons other than love....)

WHY is little one trying to wake him up on purpose? What is his motivation? I've found that I can't work through how to help my child change a behavior until I know why they are doing it.

Would it help to put one/both of them to bed earlier? Let that be the catch-up mechanism instead of sleeping in?

[milkmommy]

probably not what you want to hear but even when he matures a bit to "get it" it still might not change the waking thing...
Margaret for EVER would pop awake sometime around 5am bee line straight for me and DEMAND I cook her waffles

Didn't matter that DH was always up and willing to help her.. No she wanted mommy!

Over time we taught her to say good morning first and not GO make me WAFFLES! just that little change made a huge deal to my body that often reacted deffensive to being yelled at so early..

now she even asks daddy for help instead of waking me up...

Yet she now comes bouncing in so she can announce that she didn't bother me and asked daddy for help cause she is a big girl and has good manners. or that she wont bother me but that it is light out so I can get up...

I had to set things up so I could transation her as painlessly as possible.. like having something eatible she could get her self to tie her over (we do yogurt) and setting her up with a morning cartoon so I can quickly disapear and try for a bit extra sleep...making the transation form a sleep to a morning rountinue might help.

[ArmsOfLove]

sadly no- ignoring or not reacting seems absolutely totally impossible for big brother. it drives us crazy. to the point of wanting to seek help for him. He reacts big to everything. it's frustrating

Is there a reason you haven't had him evaluated? Understanding what is going on within him might help you find the solution to this and other frustrating situations. Making choices to prevent him . . . . whatever . . . . is only a short-term solution. He needs to learn how to deal with frustration and things not going his way and the harder it is for him to do that, the more he needs to be intentionally taught and given specific and rock solid boundaries about what he may and may not do.

Originally Posted by greenishmama

....
but if I wake up before him then I'm not sure what I'd do to help him. sit in the room and watch to see when he wakes up and try to get him to come out quietly? I don't think that would work. I never know when he's going to wake up. I could be sitting up there for 30 minutes or an hour if it's a day he sleeps late.
I'm sorry to sound like many ideas won't work. It's hard to not know someone's kids and situation other than the few words in a post.
I think the reward idea would work the best. If either slept in our room on a regular basis they would be getting woken up by us. or when my husband sometimes gets called to work in the middle of the night.

What about a baby monitor so that you can hear when he wakes and get up and fetch him to go to the kitchen with you. If you do something like pull him into making breakfast with you, or make that time that you sit and talk with him, or read to him - something special that will invest him in not waking brother so that he can have alone time with you.

I used to explain to my children that once someone else wakes up my attention is divided, so if they want time with me they need to let the others sleep. Didn't help all the time, but it was helpful

[homesteadmama]

Could older brother come in your room and sleep if he gets woken up? Then the "reward" would be his, and not little brother being rewarded for waking him. This would only work if he can fall back asleep. I'd probably tell him that if little brother wakes him up, he can just come sleep in your bed. And to do it without a big reaction to little brother. Because the reactions might be fueling the fire for little brother. (I know that's hard to get. I'm constantly saying this to my almost-6yo...like ad nauseum)

[MariJo7]

Many years ago, when I was in hospital with my third new born baby, I found a book on the hospital coffee room's book shelf. t was written by Penelope Leach, a pedatrician, and she said some very wise things about conflicts between siblings. Her general principle was to devote the immediate attention and also the most attention to the "offended party" of the conflict instead of the offender. For instace, if one child bites anther, the bitten child should immediately be comforted and his/her needs should be taken care first. This is not allways our first and natural reaction as mothers. Often we feel like rushing to the "biter" first,and this tendency we need to suppress.
It is not so much about punishing or rewarding but about monitoring over your children and taking care that things go fair between them. It makes the world a safer place if the children know that mom is fair and will help, even when the sibings are not allways fair.
Is there something here that could help you? It seems to me that the ne that really needs attention now is your older boy. Perhaps you should sit down with him for a cup of hot chocolate and devote some attention to his feelings, complaints and ideas. You may not be able to do things exactly as he wishes, but he should be able to speak out and have a listening ear.

[CelticJourney]

I adore Penelope Leach!