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10-07-2014, 06:28 PM | #1 |
Seedling Rose
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 14
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Setting Fire & Lying about it
We had a hay bale fire today. 10 yo ds had to have started it. The evidence is stacked against him. But he won't admit to it. He has lied several times in the past.
How do we deal with this? In the past this would be an auto spanking. Advice? |
10-07-2014, 06:37 PM | #2 |
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 34,551
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Re: Setting Fire & Lying about it
I'd walk this line very carefully. IF he didn't start the fire and you insist he did, he will have no reason to be honest in the future.
What are the consequences of this fire happening? Whether he started it or not, does this mean that the kids need to stay out of x area? They need to stay inside unless supervised? No matter who started it or how it started, it seems that it's a danger than now needs to be managed - something that will probably curtail his freedom one way or another. ---------- Post added at 09:37 PM ---------- Previous post was at 09:34 PM ---------- Oh....and if he lied and you KNOW it, in my house being dishonest means not being trusted. Lack of trust means lack of freedom and for a ten year old boy (or eight in my case) that is a serious life lesson.
__________________
Elizabeth "Truth without love is divisive and hurtful & love without truth is anemic"--Pastor Estep Arise, cry out in the night...pour out your heart like water in the presence of the Lord; Lift up your hands to him for the lives of your children..; Lamentations 2:19 |
The Following User Says Thank You to CelticJourney For This Useful Post: | GlacierLily (10-08-2014) |
10-08-2014, 05:09 PM | #3 |
Rose Garden
Join Date: Mar 2007
Posts: 10,819
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Re: Setting Fire & Lying about it
Setting a fire would be a big deal for us. Even if no one owns up to it there would be consequences like CJ said. Restricted roam of property, requiring supervision, removal of any potential fire starting items.
We've also had to have the talk about breaking trust and earning it back. Out situation was different but consequence was the same. Restricted freedom and more supervision until the bridge is repaired. Eta: if I thought any of my kids had started the fire on purpose but none where owning up to it all would have to help with the clean up after the fire was out out. |
10-08-2014, 09:02 PM | #4 |
Seedling Rose
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 14
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Re: Setting Fire & Lying about it
Thanks for the replies! We've gotten basically the same advice from other parents we know who have "been there done that".
It's tense here right now. Mainly because DH is mad at me for calling 911. (Gonna cost money.) And we are concerned with the lying. |
The Following User Says they are praying for LeadingThemToHim: | WanderingJuniper (10-09-2014) |
10-08-2014, 09:05 PM | #5 |
Rose Garden
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: ..
Posts: 10,737
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Re: Setting Fire & Lying about it
Your hesitance to believe him now is a consequence of the times before that he lied and you are sure. It's the reputation he currently has with you.
__________________
DS (12), DD (10), DD2 (7) And my kids were going to behave perfectly all the time and if they didn't, they'd be Dobsoned, but I was going to Dobson so perfectly that they'd know not to slip up but once or twice because I was going to be sooooooo consistent and awesome and wise. |
The Following User Says Thank You to ThreeKids For This Useful Post: | CelticJourney (10-09-2014) |
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