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Old 10-07-2014, 06:28 PM   #1
LeadingThemToHim
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Default Setting Fire & Lying about it

We had a hay bale fire today. 10 yo ds had to have started it. The evidence is stacked against him. But he won't admit to it. He has lied several times in the past.

How do we deal with this? In the past this would be an auto spanking.

Advice?
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Old 10-07-2014, 06:37 PM   #2
CelticJourney
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Default Re: Setting Fire & Lying about it

I'd walk this line very carefully. IF he didn't start the fire and you insist he did, he will have no reason to be honest in the future.

What are the consequences of this fire happening? Whether he started it or not, does this mean that the kids need to stay out of x area? They need to stay inside unless supervised? No matter who started it or how it started, it seems that it's a danger than now needs to be managed - something that will probably curtail his freedom one way or another.

---------- Post added at 09:37 PM ---------- Previous post was at 09:34 PM ----------

Oh....and if he lied and you KNOW it, in my house being dishonest means not being trusted. Lack of trust means lack of freedom and for a ten year old boy (or eight in my case) that is a serious life lesson.
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"Truth without love is divisive and hurtful & love without truth is anemic"--Pastor Estep

Arise, cry out in the night...pour out your heart like water in the presence of the Lord; Lift up your hands to him for the lives of your children..; Lamentations 2:19
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Old 10-08-2014, 05:09 PM   #3
WanderingJuniper
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Default Re: Setting Fire & Lying about it

Setting a fire would be a big deal for us. Even if no one owns up to it there would be consequences like CJ said. Restricted roam of property, requiring supervision, removal of any potential fire starting items.

We've also had to have the talk about breaking trust and earning it back. Out situation was different but consequence was the same. Restricted freedom and more supervision until the bridge is repaired.

Eta: if I thought any of my kids had started the fire on purpose but none where owning up to it all would have to help with the clean up after the fire was out out.
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Old 10-08-2014, 09:02 PM   #4
LeadingThemToHim
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Default Re: Setting Fire & Lying about it

Thanks for the replies! We've gotten basically the same advice from other parents we know who have "been there done that".

It's tense here right now.

Mainly because DH is mad at me for calling 911. (Gonna cost money.)

And we are concerned with the lying.
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Old 10-08-2014, 09:05 PM   #5
ThreeKids
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Default Re: Setting Fire & Lying about it

Your hesitance to believe him now is a consequence of the times before that he lied and you are sure. It's the reputation he currently has with you.
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And my kids were going to behave perfectly all the time and if they didn't, they'd be Dobsoned, but I was going to Dobson so perfectly that they'd know not to slip up but once or twice because I was going to be sooooooo consistent and awesome and wise.
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