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09-24-2014, 10:51 AM | #31 | |
Rose Trellis
Join Date: Mar 2007
Posts: 3,362
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Re: Am I permissive or is this normal?
Quote:
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Wife to John, December 18, 1999 ~ Mother to Sophia, March 13, 2004 ~ Mother to Eva, June 10, 2006 ~ Mother to Matthew, December 21, 2009 ~ Though my father and mother forsake me, the Lord will lift me up. |
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09-24-2014, 01:46 PM | #32 |
Rose Garden
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: North Eastern CA
Posts: 9,119
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Re: Am I permissive or is this normal?
With the toys scratching the wall- the damage is already done, right? You said you'll have to repaint anyway? So you might want to just cut your losses, and chalk this up to having little kids.
I'm not saying tell them it's ok to do it or don't stop them when they do it, but just accept that you might need to stop them 3000 more times, before they mature, that they WILL eventually grow out of it, and that you can now choose to either let it stress you out or just roll with it and remind them every time. Also, double check your lease agreement. I used to manage properties and with ours, after people had lived there for a year, we would repaint regardless and they wouldn't be charge for it. ETA: unless it required a double coat due to drawing with permanent marker (by adults) ALL OVER every wall. Yah, that happened.
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~Emily INTJ, Type 4 Wife to D Mama to: E 12/05 L 7/08 Z 12/10 A 6/14 and J in heaven 2/10 Torah Keeping, Unschooling Family My blog on unschooling and family life: Peace On Dark Nights. |
The Following User Says Thank You to saturnfire16 For This Useful Post: | Tasmanian Saint (09-25-2014) |
09-25-2014, 08:50 AM | #33 |
On Suspension
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Home :-)
Posts: 25
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Re: Am I permissive or is this normal?
3 is so hard!
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Oh, take me to church.
I've done so many bad things; it hurts. ... get me to church; (but not the ones that hurt; 'cause that ain't the truth and that's not what it's for) Please take me to church. -Sinead O'Connor |
10-19-2014, 05:22 PM | #34 |
Rose Blossom
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 133
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Re: Am I permissive or is this normal?
First, I don't know if anyone has said it yet, but you do NOT know if spanking/time outs would have "fixed" any of these issues... the evidence of child development seems to say that you still would have these struggles, you'd just be adding trauma to the equation. I know sometimes it seems like other parents who spank have "better" children, but if you spend a day in their homes, I'm sure you would find that isn't so and the consequences later in life of having trauma in early years far outweigh the instant obedience of the moment. I have to remind myself of this quite often! I'd say all those things are "normal" for that age, toddlers and preschoolers aren't know for their impulse control and often need high sensory experiences throughout the day. My kiddo is constantly slamming into things and people, he doesn't mean to hurt anyone, but he has such high sensory needs that is part of how he takes care of himself... so we've had to find other ways for him to get that input without hurting others and we talk often about how even though that slamming/crashing feels good to him, it can hurt other people and that is not okay. Another thing that I know helps my own son, is connecting in those moments when that's the last thing you want to do... I believe that the times the behaviors are the most off-putting, the highest level of "get the heck away from me"; that is when they desperately need re-connection the most. We also have horrible bedtime experiences, my boy has very strong fears and he has that very strong need to constantly to touching... and honestly, come the end of the day I just want him to go to sleep and have some time to myself! I've worked out a routine that "works" for us, right now (that may change tonight or next week, but right now it's okay). We do the whole bath, brush teeth, story--- I read one picture book and then he has to lay down and I read a chapter or two of a chapter book--- and then prayers/kisses/hugs. After he is tucked in, I get to leave the room and have some time alone, my only requirement for him is that he stays in his room. He can turn the big light on, he can look at books, he can play with whatever so long as he stays in his room. If he's not asleep by the time I am done with whatever I am doing, then I will go back in and lay down with him till he drifts off--- this generally happens sooner than if I just try to stay in there the whole time and get frustrated and irritated, he's had a chance to play quietly and decompress himself so he sleeps easier.
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The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to wildswede For This Useful Post: | ArmsOfLove (10-19-2014), MariJo7 (10-20-2014) |
10-26-2014, 01:28 PM | #35 |
Rose Blossom
Faith, Torah, Family
Join Date: May 2014
Location: NJ, USA
Posts: 171
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Re: Am I permissive or is this normal?
just wanted to say that mine are 3, 2 and 3 months! I know how frustrating it can be and we doubt ourselves because SURELY MY CHILD SHOULD be behaving better by now!
I am becoming more and more convinced that their age is a big part of it. Also, I notice a BIG difference in my 3yr olds behavior when I make a point to spend 1-1 time with her!
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Me: 27, DH: 44 Noemi- 5yr Liora- 3yr Zipporah- 20 months BABY BOY- due oct2016 |
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