consequence for waking up brother in the morning?

[greenishmama]

my two boys share a room- ages 9 and 6. 6 yr old will sometimes wake up earlier and purposely wake up brother. Makes noises, turns on lights, turns off sound machine, etc. We've told him he needs to be very quiet and that he can leave the room very quietly. He knows how to do that and has done it. Brother gets really made when woken up. (and me too- he needs his sleep!)

consequence ideas? just talking to him and telling him not to wake him up and why hasn't worked.

having him sleep in our room would be rewarding to him. (they both love to sleep in the floor in sleeping bags). sleeping downstairs would not prevent him from going upstairs and waking up brother.

[camperjen]

What is he allowed to do in the morning once he is up? We have one that wakes earlier but it's the older kid (mine are 9 and 7). He's allowed to go watch tv when he gets up. If he wakes up his brother (rare anymore), I would tell them both to turn off the tv and start their day since we're not trying to be quiet.

[milkmommy]

Do you mind if he sleeps in your room?

[Tasmanian Saint]

...
having him sleep in our room would be rewarding to him. (they both love to sleep in the floor in sleeping bags). ..

That could be viewed as a win-win solution
(assuming it does actually solve the problem - stop him from waking his brother - without creating new problems - like waking you too early)
Perhaps the two of them could take turns sleeping in your room?
Otherwise, how can you work on a reminder combined with redirection so he has something more interesting to do than wake up his brother? A note on the noise machine telling him to go watch television or listen to an audiobook or come into your room and annoy you?


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[ArmsOfLove]

having him sleep in our room would be rewarding to him.

Not a reward. Just good preventative planning!

Asking for a consequence is asking for something negative that will drive the point home. That's a punishment.

He's 6 - he's being 6 - so what ideas will work within your home, with the ages of your children, to accomplish the goal - 9yo gets enough sleep so he can have a good day.

[ValiantJoy07]

If you don't want him in your room every night (which I get, I don't mind kids joining us for bad dreams. 2 of mine still sleep nightly in our room...but I dislike tripping on people or having them follow me the minute I get up for anything...and I just plain wouldn't like the feeling like I was moving away from bedroom independence, though it is normal for the process to go back and forth.)
You could do a sticker chart sort of deal,if he gets 5 morning of stickers, he gets a special sleepover in your room on Saturday night or some thing.
It could be a Friday night movie in your bed or a glow in the dark camp out with you reading aloud with a flash light.

If he reads I would put the sticker chart by his bed (if he wont pick at it) and on it or next to it a short list of things he can do quietly instead of waking brother.

[ArmsOfLove]

sticker charts can be great for changing habits - keeping track of when you do the new behavior and working towards getting it all filled as a fun healthy goal. I would be careful that it's not done in a punitive way because that can create even more angst and result in anxiety behavior that reinforces the behavior you want to change. It's not the sticker chart - it's about how it's approached

[mamacat]

I suspect that he just gets kind of lonesome and wants someone up with him so maybe you can have a plan of a snack and drink at bedside and a book on tape (with headphones) for him to listen to quietly or books to look at or read if he reads in either your room or the other

[greenishmama]

Thank you all for the ideas.
We (DH and I) are usually awake and often my dh downstairs and I'm still in bed (I'm slow to wake up.) He ususally loves to comes snuggle with me. But it seems sometimes he decided to wake up brother. Rarely has he been the only one awake in the house. 95% of the time I'd say he's not lonely (or doesn't have to be if he just came quietly out of the room to see dh or I.)
Sometimes both dh and I have been downstairs making/eating breakfast and don't realize that he's up there waking brother up.
The reward idea might work.
I don't understand why consequences are always viewed negatively. I know that asking for one means it's usually not a "natural" consequence. But there are all kinds of things in life that have consequences. Rules to follow that if broken have consequences. Like ifI speed or run a red light I know that there is a consequence (ok- if I "get caught" but still- I know there are consequences.) If I don't pay a bill on time I will have to pay late fees. I thought that consequences can be ok if they are known ahead of time.
But the reward idea is good because it encourages right behavior in a positive way and doesn't mean he gets to sleep in our room every night. He can earn it by not waking up brother and therefore I would tell them that then I'd know he wouldn't wake me up either.

[JoEllen]

Seems like he already has a consequence. He has to deal with a grumpy brother.

I can't really think of any kind of relevant consequence for him that you could impose. My advice would just be to keep talking to him about not waking up brother in the morning, and hope that he eventually gets with the program.

[greenishmama]

Originally Posted by JoEllen

Seems like he already has a consequence. He has to deal with a grumpy brother.

I can't really think of any kind of relevant consequence for him that you could impose. My advice would just be to keep talking to him about not waking up brother in the morning, and hope that he eventually gets with the program.

he seems to revel in making brother grumpy and getting a reaction. We feel it is not fair to our son who is being woken up. It adds to the fuel for reasons why big brother doesn't like little brother sometimes. Big brother wants us to do something about it so that he doesn't get woken up. He doesn't get why little brother should just be allowed to continue doing whatever he wants.

This little guy does not seem like "getting with the program" will happen any time soon, if ever!

[JoEllen]

Originally Posted by greenishmama

he seems to revel in making brother grumpy and getting a reaction. We feel it is not fair to our son who is being woken up. It adds to the fuel for reasons why big brother doesn't like little brother sometimes. Big brother wants us to do something about it so that he doesn't get woken up. He doesn't get why little brother should just be allowed to continue doing whatever he wants.

This little guy does not seem like "getting with the program" will happen any time soon, if ever!

Has big brother tried pretending like it doesn't bother him so that little brother has no reaction to feed off of? My son just looks at me like I've lost my mind when I tell him to do that with his sisters, but it works sometimes.

Do they enjoy sharing a room? Would separate rooms be possible so that big brother can close the door so little brother can't get in (I know a locked door can be dangerous, but maybe he can use some sort of doorstop)?

He's right, it's not fair that he keeps getting woken up. Sorry I'm not being more help.

[greenishmama]

Originally Posted by JoEllen

Has big brother tried pretending like it doesn't bother him so that little brother has no reaction to feed off of? My son just looks at me like I've lost my mind when I tell him to do that with his sisters, but it works sometimes.

Do they enjoy sharing a room? Would separate rooms be possible so that big brother can close the door so little brother can't get in (I know a locked door can be dangerous, but maybe he can use some sort of doorstop)?

He's right, it's not fair that he keeps getting woken up. Sorry I'm not being more help.

sadly no- ignoring or not reacting seems absolutely totally impossible for big brother. it drives us crazy. to the point of wanting to seek help for him. He reacts big to everything. it's frustrating. I try to praise him the extremely very few times he's ever shrugged something off. He either just does not "get" the whole ignoring thing. I've tried explaining it in different ways. or he just is not capable. ?? I suppose that could be a whole new topic!

our house is only set up as two bedroom right now. We want them to share now anyway. we thought if we're still here when they are older we'd build a shelf divider or sliding barn door or something. (it's a big room)

[JoEllen]

Originally Posted by greenishmama

our house is only set up as two bedroom right now. We want them to share now anyway. we thought if we're still here when they are older we'd build a shelf divider or sliding barn door or something. (it's a big room)

Have you tried tape down the center of the room? (kidding... kind of. )

[milkmommy]

Is their a consequence for big brother over reacting to being woken up?
Is little brother doing more than just impluse control stuff. Like forgetting and turning on lights or does he purposely keep going till big brother wakes up? How long between siblings wake time?