pop quiz

greengirl19 · 09-01-2016, 04:39 PM

You're in the kitchen cleaning up after dinner and 7 yo and 3 yo boys are playing in the living room out of sight. 3 yo starts screaming at 7 yo (as in the 7 yo has most like taken something from or hurt the 3 yo). What do you start with? Something to say because you're elbow deep in soapy water? Pretend they can hear you over the fussy baby in the highchair in the kitchen with you.

I'm guessing that yelling at the 7 yo 'what did you do to your brother'? is not the right answer? How do you get the truth out in the most reasonable manner to all concerned?

2sunshines · 09-01-2016, 05:02 PM

Step 1: I yell (yes, yell, simply because the volume is necessary) to have both boys come in to the kitchen. Then address it from there... No need to have the entire conversation across the house.

OnAMission · 09-01-2016, 06:27 PM

Once they are both there, I usually ask something like, "I heard so and so yelling. What was happening?" And then someone will explain that so and so yelled because the other one pushed him. Once we have established that, I ask for more information by saying something like, "what was happening when you pushed him" and then I hear how the pushee had grabbed a toy that wasn't theirs.

I have been consistent enough and calm enough that they know they can be honest (so far anyway) and that I understand there are usually multiple things going on.

knitlove · 09-01-2016, 06:52 PM

For me once there is loud screaming at that time I have to run for them because my 3 year old can throw a punch and hurt my 7 year old, glasses will also get snatched and thrown. I try to get hand on them so they stop escalating, and then ask who ever is freaking out less to tell me what happened.

If it is earlyer in the day when things are less likely to escalate I will start my yelling stop and calling them in.

everybody's mother · 09-01-2016, 07:03 PM

This-I never asked who started it or what they did, always " what happened right before x" and what happened before that. Working backwards seems to work really well at getting to the facts....they are too busy thinking back to blame shift or warp the story and it seems to keep things calmer. I usually followed up with asking them what each of them could have done to handle their part of the situation better.

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rjy9343 · 09-02-2016, 11:52 AM

I like what happened before x. I am doing that from now on.

09-01-2016, 04:39 PM	#1
greengirl19 Rose Trellis For G Join Date: Dec 2010 Location: close but not close enough to the beach Posts: 2,806	pop quiz You're in the kitchen cleaning up after dinner and 7 yo and 3 yo boys are playing in the living room out of sight. 3 yo starts screaming at 7 yo (as in the 7 yo has most like taken something from or hurt the 3 yo). What do you start with? Something to say because you're elbow deep in soapy water? Pretend they can hear you over the fussy baby in the highchair in the kitchen with you. I'm guessing that yelling at the 7 yo 'what did you do to your brother'? is not the right answer? How do you get the truth out in the most reasonable manner to all concerned? __________________ Wife to V since 5/19/07 my hard workin man Mom to G since 8/10/09 my crazy 10 yo Z since 9/10/13 my wild thing 6 yo Surprise! N born 2/8/16 terrific 4 yo my help comes from the Lord above

09-01-2016, 05:02 PM	#2
2sunshines Moderator in Celebrations, Cloth Diapering & EC, Empty Arms, Prayer & Praise, and Swap n' Shop Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 27,027	Re: pop quiz Step 1: I yell (yes, yell, simply because the volume is necessary) to have both boys come in to the kitchen. Then address it from there... No need to have the entire conversation across the house. __________________ married 25 years mom to two young adults (23 and 20) and two teens (17 and 15)

09-01-2016, 06:27 PM	#3
OnAMission Rose Trellis Formerly kdhfly Join Date: Jul 2011 Posts: 1,760	Re: pop quiz Once they are both there, I usually ask something like, "I heard so and so yelling. What was happening?" And then someone will explain that so and so yelled because the other one pushed him. Once we have established that, I ask for more information by saying something like, "what was happening when you pushed him" and then I hear how the pushee had grabbed a toy that wasn't theirs. I have been consistent enough and calm enough that they know they can be honest (so far anyway) and that I understand there are usually multiple things going on. __________________ DH and four along for our crazy ride The greater the difficulty the greater the glory - Cicero

09-01-2016, 06:52 PM	#4
knitlove Rose Garden Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Seattle area Posts: 21,260	Re: pop quiz For me once there is loud screaming at that time I have to run for them because my 3 year old can throw a punch and hurt my 7 year old, glasses will also get snatched and thrown. I try to get hand on them so they stop escalating, and then ask who ever is freaking out less to tell me what happened. If it is earlyer in the day when things are less likely to escalate I will start my yelling stop and calling them in. __________________ Wife to a wonderful DH for 19 years. Momma to my 29 weeker Early Bird who is thirteen and my little Wiggle Worm born 33 weeks who is nine. How do I have a teenager?! I don't feel ready for this.

09-01-2016, 07:03 PM	#5
everybody's mother Rose Bouquet Join Date: Oct 2010 Posts: 764	Re: pop quiz This-I never asked who started it or what they did, always " what happened right before x" and what happened before that. Working backwards seems to work really well at getting to the facts....they are too busy thinking back to blame shift or warp the story and it seems to keep things calmer. I usually followed up with asking them what each of them could have done to handle their part of the situation better. Sent from my SCH-S738C using Tapatalk

09-02-2016, 11:52 AM	#6
rjy9343 Rose Garden Join Date: Dec 2010 Location: Northern Virginia Posts: 10,090	Re: pop quiz I like what happened before x. I am doing that from now on. __________________ Rita s IstJ Wife to my brilliant geek James iNtJ since 4/08 Mom to our angel boy Jay 5/08 our quirky miracle DD Ivy 6/10 mellow miracle DS Jacob 7/15 Often Please forgive my frequent typos Standing firmly on Team Lioness!!! Roar!!! I am ready for people to know I am a GCM find me on Facebook

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