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02-01-2010, 02:06 AM | #121 | |
Climbing Rose
Mama to two little sweetpeas and loving wife to my Darling tech buff
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Zushi, Japan
Posts: 1,138
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Re: s/o parenting self-talk
(It's hard to put this after the quote on my phone. Sorry about how it looks!)
I've been in this situation and what worked for me was taking DS to the tub with diaper on, standing him there, removing all his clothes quickly and washing his body with the shower head. He was so shocked he didn't resist and he was clean and happy quickly. This worked for me bc I was focused on the situation and calmed down due to problem solving on the brain. I can't see red and problem solve at the same time! ;-). HTH! Quote:
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Marie Wife to beloved DH since 2002 (the BIG *1-0* Anniversary this year!), , Mom to Nobu 7y(12.05) & Meg 5y(6.08) |
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02-02-2010, 08:22 AM | #122 |
Rose Garden
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 4,059
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Re: s/o parenting self-talk
This is such a helpful thread to me right now.
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Married to Pete Mum to Rachel (15) Elizabeth (12) and Elijah (9) |
02-02-2010, 08:49 AM | #123 |
Rose Garden
She's a good girl, loves her Mama, loves Jesus, and Kentucky too
Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 7,873
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Re: s/o parenting self-talk
Another blessed mama by finding this thread! My anger issues are so bad and ingrained from the way I was parented that I went beyond the self-talk only and am in therapy, which has done me wonders BECAUSE my therapist has also approached the self-talk issues with me She also explained to me that it's completely useless to ask them "why?" at this age because they.just.don't.get.that. I loved the idea in a pp about explaining that mommy's just trying to help and figure out what's wrong....I think I will try that. I find myself asking "why?" without even thinking.
And I just wanted to interject that I have some Rescue Remedy, and when I'm seeing red or feeling my blood boil...just walking to the closet and taking the time to take 3 drops of RR is usually enough time for me to calm down and try the self-talk.
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Wife to Designer/Creative Director ESFJ - piano teacher Noah 2005 Coleman 2007 Josie 2018 |
02-02-2010, 03:05 PM | #124 |
Rose Garden
Blissed out in the January sun
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: that perfect place :)
Posts: 11,701
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Re: s/o parenting self-talk
ds threw a fit the size of texas today, in the street for all to see, while making us late for an appointment, and i as already worked up to start with.
and... i have nothing to apologize for it's one of the few times i did nothing i regret. i totally held it together.
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~I r e n e~
sweet and sassy wife, mama, healer, part-time dragon-slayer the worst PM answerer ever my belongs to the babywearing 'Architect' Dancing with my three Magical Elves Smiles the Stampede Sugar Plump & Double Dimples Kissing each elf 1,000,000 times a day, and when there's time left tracking gnomes, singing folk songs on the porch, befriending dragonflies, and bopping sun-frosted 'fros through the dandelion fields. |
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to DancingWithElves For This Useful Post: | Maggirayne (02-03-2010), ShepherdsWife (10-17-2013), simplegirl (02-02-2010), TenderLovingWillow (01-20-2013) |
02-02-2010, 03:37 PM | #125 |
Rose Garden
Some Cal/Mag will probably fix that.
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: catching up on the laundry
Posts: 41,294
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Re: s/o parenting self-talk
good job!
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allisonintx Wife to Stephen Mother to Elizabeth 19, Andrew 17, Abigail 14 & Evelyn 12 Love. You can learn all the math in the 'verse, but you take a boat in the air that you don't love, she'll shake you off just as sure as the turn of the world. Love keeps her in the air when she ought to fall down. Tells you she's hurting before she keens. Makes her a home. . . . . . . . |
02-02-2010, 06:21 PM | #126 |
Rose Trellis
Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 2,552
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Re: s/o parenting self-talk
Well done Irene!
I had one of those moments this morning when I held it together thanks to this thread. I can't even remember what EK did to annoy me but I did the whole self-talk thing "I feel angry because...EK didn't do that to make me mad, she just wants..." and didn't react inappropriately to her at all.
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Homeschooling Mumma to Princess (6 Feb 05) and Chicken (20 Jul 08). Little sister of Meli. |
The Following User Says Thank You to Mum2Es For This Useful Post: | Maggirayne (02-03-2010) |
02-03-2010, 12:50 PM | #127 |
Rose Garden
Standing for gentleness and honesty
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Looking for Hope
Posts: 12,027
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Re: s/o parenting self-talk
Today must be a great day! E did something to bug me, oh, she banged on the wall after I'd just told her to whisper to not wake A, and my brain said, "Hey, she didn't know banging on the wall would *also* wake baby."
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Maggi, Tw irler of the Umbrella of Silliness
Mama to two sweet littles and 3 angels 12/4/11 10/7/13 12/8/13 Grace is not a destination, it's a journey. I first learned to show grace to my child that was not shown to me, then I learned to accept it for myself, and only recently have I been able to have grace for others more. ~Sweetpeasmommy A |
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02-03-2010, 01:18 PM | #128 |
Deactivated
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 12,494
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Re: s/o parenting self-talk
Maggirayne!
I've been having a lot of success too. It just feels so amazing to feel like I'm doing more 'right' than 'wrong'. this thread!!! |
The Following User Says Thank You to curlymopmom For This Useful Post: | Maggirayne (02-04-2010) |
02-03-2010, 10:06 PM | #129 |
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Re: s/o parenting self-talk
I'm still working on the self-talk. But I'm doing better at recognizing that I need to walk away before things escalate too far, so that's a step in the right direction.
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02-04-2010, 06:45 AM | #130 | |
Rose Bouquet
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Iowa
Posts: 963
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Re: s/o parenting self-talk
Quote:
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COTK: "Child of the King" Cayley Wifey to my high school sweetheart--16 years! Mommy to Lucy--10 years, and Jacob 2 years! |
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02-04-2010, 07:21 AM | #131 |
Rose Garden
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 15,359
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Re: s/o parenting self-talk
LEt's just say that her reaction wasn't pretty. I know I shouldn't take people's reactions as the barometer of what I should say...but let's just say that I generally tend to do that. and then agonize endlessly if they react badly. Dd tends to have anxiety/ragey stuff, so no matter what I say, the end result is the same. *I* felt better about what I said than placating or berating her.
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Marsha Learning to be a single, wohm mom to my girls Ainslee (June 10, 2002) and Riley (August 9, 2005)! |
02-04-2010, 12:31 PM | #132 | ||
Rose Garden
Standing for gentleness and honesty
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Looking for Hope
Posts: 12,027
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Re: s/o parenting self-talk
Quote:
Quote:
So you were expressing how you felt. What you said was all your feelings, not blaming her, but expressing how you felt because of her actions.
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Maggi, Tw irler of the Umbrella of Silliness
Mama to two sweet littles and 3 angels 12/4/11 10/7/13 12/8/13 Grace is not a destination, it's a journey. I first learned to show grace to my child that was not shown to me, then I learned to accept it for myself, and only recently have I been able to have grace for others more. ~Sweetpeasmommy A |
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The Following User Says Thank You to Maggirayne For This Useful Post: | Marsha (02-04-2010) |
02-04-2010, 02:20 PM | #133 |
Deactivated
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 8,063
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Re: s/o parenting self-talk
How does this all work when you can't get away? When I'm stuck in bed nursing one and using one arm to keep coralling the other back in when he tries to squirm off? It doesn't happen often..only when he's reacting to dairy. He ate some bannan/pumpkin/fruit bread thingy last night..it's been forEVer since we've deal with this, but...talk about seeing red. I don't even want to go into my reaction because...well, it stings. It was just an awful afternoon.
How do you do it? Should I have just let him go downstairs til the other one went to sleep? Wish I could just erase today and start over. |
02-04-2010, 03:07 PM | #134 |
Rose Garden
Have you ever heard a fly roar? Listen carefully!
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Walking with broken bootstraps...
Posts: 7,152
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Re: s/o parenting self-talk
When I realize the behavior is allergy-related (sometimes it takes me a while ) I tell myself over and over, "DD is not choosing to be this way. Her body and brain hurt, and this is her way of telling me."
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sister to Blue-EyedLady since forever wife to Trooper (Wounded Warrior) 3-98 Graphics designing sapphiremama to EBug 2-04, ABoo 2-06, and Goggle 8-09 |
The Following User Says Thank You to BlessedBlue For This Useful Post: | StrangeTraveller (02-04-2010) |
02-04-2010, 05:14 PM | #135 |
Deactivated
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 8,063
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Re: s/o parenting self-talk
I try to do that..it helped some, but it was waay into the game when I figured it out.. trying again, I suppose. I can't undo it beyond ht eapologies and hugs and starting over
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