My kids do whatever they want!

[Hermana Linda]

Originally Posted by Bea423

Yes, it is. Though the premise of reaching the heart, discipling Abd "staking" really resonated with me. How I implement it is very very different and I don't feel that emotions need to be disciplined away. I read it at the request of a friend and that's what I took from it.

Yes, that's good. I was just making the comment for the behalf of other readers.

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[CelticJourney]

Originally Posted by Bea423

I recently read a book called Raising Godly Tomatoes, it wasn't a GBD book and I tossed out a good chunk f what I read... But one thing really stuck out to me. We need to "stake our tomatoes" lest they fall and rot. Basically what this means is if you see that the fruit your child is bearing is "wrotten" then your child needs more of you. So you stake them to your side gently but firmly correcting and instructing *every single time* until you see the fruit of that training. This is super hard! I have a 4, nearly 3 and 1 yo so I totally feel your pain! But it's been very true in our lives. I thought I was watching my kids and catching the behaviors that needed my attention, incouldnfigure out why it wasn't working. As it turned out when i actually keep them by my side and in the same room with me I saw how many opportunities I was missing, how much more time there is for connection and what true discipleship is.

Your son is sneaking. I'm sorry, I don't believe that's fully impulse control Or curiosity. Because he has the control to wait until you aren't looking. That's serious and can turn into much worth. That isn't Godly character, he needs to be "staked" to you. .....

I have older kids - 20, 17 and 9 and I do firmly believe that any discipline done outside of 'relationship' and understanding normal expectations for various ages will automatically result in an advocerial relationship. Children might not have the maturity to modify their behavior on their own, but they will certainly pick up on 'mom is watching me to catch me doing something wrong. Mom is out to get me and now I can't trust her'. 'Catching' children doing positive behaviors and encouraging those is just as important as correcting behaviors that are inconvenient to us or negative. I have no issue with the idea of keeping children close when they need more attention. I have serious concerns over doing it with the goal of constant correction rather than building relationship and getting to know more about the entire problem, not just the surface.

As for 'I as a parent can create Godly character'.... I worry about the implication that we can some how take the place of the Holy Spirit in connecting children with God. Yes, we can teach our children the importance of certain behaviors as they affect our relationships. We can point the scripture for our reasoning. We can hopefully and most importantly point to our OWN behavior in acting Christ-like - including the offering of grace and direction to those who need it. But we can not create Godly characteristics in others (perhaps an outward mask of compliance to placate others and get them to stop stalking you) - that requires a relationship with God via the Holy Spirit.

[Chaos Coordinator]

Every time I read this title I think "yes, of course they do. They're children. That's why they need parents."


They're little God works on their growing, and they always do grow. You just keep guiding them through their desert. They're your tribe. You do the right things, and show them the right things, and give them firm boundaries. They come along. It is a bit like running an ultra marathon sometimes - but as long as you just keep plugging away at it, they grow and blossom.

[rjy9343]

Just a thought about your son sneaking sweets. I will sometimes crave sweet things to the point of obsession. I was told that it is candidia overgrowth and when the homeopath treated it, my cravings became managible. I went from a grown woman who devoured everything in sight including my daughter's safe cookies to eating nothing more than fruit and being fine. It might be worth your time to look into it.

[rjy9343]

I want to throw something out there about constant correction. I have been more about correction than praising lately because I am in the last month of my pregnancy and just want to be left alone. That is a really bad thing because she feels picked on and bossed around. In fact, I am getting stop telling me what to do. And you don't have to boss me around. And my husband hasn't been any better.
We are working on that and she lights up when we notice her efforts. Today she was watching netflix and I praised her self control for not watching things we don't want her watching. My husband heard her and chimed in with he knew how hard it is to do that and he appreciates her hard work. When she took her dish to the kitchen, we thanked her for helping us keep the house clean and talked about how her cooperation made our family run smoother.
You get the idea. It does make sense that she would feel picked on if she is mostly getting correction from us. I would feel pretty beat up, too. What kind of leader really inspires you, the one who sees your good and affirms you or the one that never seems to notice any of thegood?

[Chaos Coordinator]

That is so true about the sweets and the connection correction balance.


When I'm obsessing over sweets it's because I'm exhausted and my body wants quick calories. Like we spent the last month moving and in my spare time I was wolfing down calories like there was no tomorrow. I basically became an ice cream disposal. If I don't go to bed at a decent time, I will catch myself sitting up scavenging for cookies or chocolate too. Body wants an energy source.

With the connecting v correcting thing, my kids really need at least three times as much connection. It doesn't have to be anything big, it can just be a conversation that is meaningful to them, like how much ice it would take to freeze your mouth (??? Okay then) or what your favorite kinds of puppies are.

This is why I don't understand how people can just not be their kids friends. My kids NEED my companionship - their self esteem and self worth hinges on it.

[LeadingThemToHim]

This thread has been really helpful to me...thanks to to OP for posting it!

I have 5 children and have many of the same problems. I recently read an article (on the topic of whiny toddlers...I have a 3 and 4 yo) and I was surprised to read the suggestion that instead of instantly resorting to "correction", instead pay attention to what they are "whining" for or even WHY they are whining.

Tired? It's okay to cater to them and in the process get them to bed / nap.

Maybe they are feeling lonely. Snuggle.

Maybe whining has become a habit. Put on a cheery tone of voice and say, "Sure, Mama can get you XYZ!" And on the way, have them repeat their request in a happier tone of voice.

These suggestions have worked wonders for me and my little whiny-girls. Mostly, I think it has helped take the "gotta train this kid right" burden off me and helped me have a better attitude, which transfers to the kids.

[rjy9343]

I can't speak for everyone, but I can say that having to get it right sucked the joy right out of parenting for me. Once I learned I can just be nice to her and enjoy her, I started finding good things in the worst days because it was now about a relationship and not a dictatorship.

[Hermana Linda]

Originally Posted by LeadingThemToHim

This thread has been really helpful to me...thanks to to OP for posting it!

I have 5 children and have many of the same problems. I recently read an article (on the topic of whiny toddlers...I have a 3 and 4 yo) and I was surprised to read the suggestion that instead of instantly resorting to "correction", instead pay attention to what they are "whining" for or even WHY they are whining.

Tired? It's okay to cater to them and in the process get them to bed / nap.

Maybe they are feeling lonely. Snuggle.

Maybe whining has become a habit. Put on a cheery tone of voice and say, "Sure, Mama can get you XYZ!" And on the way, have them repeat their request in a happier tone of voice.

These suggestions have worked wonders for me and my little whiny-girls. Mostly, I think it has helped take the "gotta train this kid right" burden off me and helped me have a better attitude, which transfers to the kids.

I'm so glad you are finding this helpful!

[LeadingThemToHim]

Originally Posted by rjy9343

I can't speak for everyone, but I can say that having to get it right sucked the joy right out of parenting for me. Once I learned I can just be nice to her and enjoy her, I started finding good things in the worst days because it was now about a relationship and not a dictatorship.

Exactly!