Input for Physical 3 yr old please?

[Stefanierose88]

Today was one of those days where I felt like my children all turned into feral animals and I was a total failure at motherhood. Yep, one of those days. Literally all three kids ended up naked running circles around me.

Soooooo, my biggest little instigator is my 3yr old DD2. She may have some actual behavioral issues that need some deeper assessment, but putting that aside for a moment I had an idea that I would like input on.

She will get into these episodes where she will rip off all her clothing, run away from me, call me mean names (or her sisters) and then start hitting me or her sisters if I try to get her. Sometimes I HAVE to get her dressed because we need to leave the house. But mostly, I admit, it just angers me so much that she disrespects me. I get angry, and I end up getting into power struggles with her and putting her in her room.

If I put her in her room, I stand there with her and she starts screaming and crying "MOMMY HUGGY MOMMY HUGGY!" Just a moment earlier she was biting me, hitting me, using names, etc. I usually don't feel like giving her a hug immediately because I am angry, and also because I feel conflicted about if its the right choice.

I always end up hugging her, and she snuggles me as close as she can without nursing (she was weaned about 2 months ago because I am pregnant).

The IDEA is this, when she starts her intentionally egging me on behavior ("I'm not listening! Your a poopy head! Your stupid!") I will attempt to say something like "Liora, would you like a hug from mommy?" and get down on the floor with her.

This probably not revolutionary for you here, but although I have gentle ideals and really do strive every day to implement them; I struggle with blatant intentional misbehavior. It triggers for me feelings of "oh no! I am raising a child who has zero respect for me! I'm messing up!"

She has episodes of raging that come from nowhere, but thats another issue. This isnt her out of control, this is her doing it on purpose. I believe the purpose is to get Mommy's attention. Again, maybe obvious from the outside but I had to really think about it and discuss with DH tonight. We are BOTH beat.

Does this sound right? Or am I encouraging it more by giving her attention? I am so confused sometimes.

[Dtswife]

That sounds like a really good idea!! It kind of sounds like she's having a hard time with no more nursing and 83rd acting out since she can't articulate what the bad feelings are or ask for what she needs.

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[mamacat]

As hard as it is can you try not to take it personally or that she is disrespecting you.She is 3. It is an attention getting thing and boy is she getting your attention when it pushes your buttons! You might try considering finding ways to playful parent it.lots of 3 yr olds take their clothes off.ideally, I would not react to the name calling and let her run off and then go in to wherever she is and give her the hugs she is asking for. This behavior sounds like a need for reassurance.like she is processing the weaning and the new baby coming and will you still love her. So yes I think your idea is very good and from your gut!I would also ask first if she is ready for a hug.She is not sitting around scheming how to make your life difficult!

[everybody's mother]

That sounds like a great way to handle it! also maybe check out the possibility of food intolerances as my dd with food intolerances was exactly like that. Esp. If it happens a lot. But either way it should help a lot to reassure and comfort her when she feels out of control.

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[Stefanierose88]

Originally Posted by everybody's mother

That sounds like a great way to handle it! also maybe check out the possibility of food intolerances as my dd with food intolerances was exactly like that. Esp. If it happens a lot. But either way it should help a lot to reassure and comfort her when she feels out of control.

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Yes, I have noticed that after being given anything with dye in it she goes into major hyper active mode.

---------- Post added at 08:31 PM ---------- Previous post was at 08:24 PM ----------

Thanks everybody. It was a really hard week, but I feel like it is forcing DH and I to look at WHY and increase our parenting skills

I kind of brushed off the weaning because of her age, thinking it wouldn't affect her much, but she is such a physical kid. She LOVES being close to me. She asks me to nurse sometimes still, and i tell her I have no more milk left but after baby comes she can try again. My 21 month old doesn't every ask me, so I guess every child really is different as far as age of weaning and level of need for it.

Today we went to the store and she was really having a difficult time listening, and so I decided to take her out of the store while my husband finished. I got upset with her because she refused to take her little sisters hand before leaving. I had to pick her up and grab the little ones hand. Liora was kicking and scratching me, etc all the way to the van.

But as soon as we got in, she started to cry "mommy's mad at me!" with this utterly heart-breaking sad face and cry. I almost started crying myself.

I held her and told her that I was indeed upset, but that I loved her so very much and I was sorry if I hurt her feelings. I decided then and there that despite how "tough" and rough and tumble she is, she is really super sensitive inside. She needs me to focus more on the GOOD things she does.

I would hate myself if she started to believe she was "bad" because "mommy is mad at me"

Anyway, sorry for the rambling. I am moving forward to the not taking it personally, and giving her as much loving positive attention as I can. I do believe in my gut that this is what her behavior stems from. THANK YOU for confirming that for me, and that I'm not crazy (at least for this reason lol)

[everybody's mother]

<3<3<3

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