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Homeschooling & Unschooling (Support) *Public* [Open--Join Forum to Post] A place for both current homeschoolers/unschoolers and those who are considering homeschooling to find support. A public forum. A read-only forum unless you join the corresponding usergroup here.
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11-20-2017, 08:59 AM | #1 |
Rose Bouquet
Keep it together, keep it together...
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Idaho
Posts: 853
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Child who doesn't want to do any school... advice?
We have homeschooled from the beginning and C (9 and my firstborn) has resisted it from the start. I think part of the problem has been me but it seems like whatever approach I take he just doesn't want to do anything. We don't do anything super rigorous. Right now for math we are only doing Life of Fred but he will fight me on most every problem. As soon as I announce the next subject he launches into "But I don't waaaant to do that." He has also started doing that when I ask anything else of him. Dh thinks it's a discipline issue and wants me to assign extra work any time C complains about what he has to do. I worry that will only make him hate school more. Obviously he doesn't like it now anyway which is what Dh pointed out and maybe a week of extra work when he complains will fix the problem and then we won't have to worry about it. I don't feel so sure that's the right approach though.
Any advice?
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Tosha
INFP (Please forgive my Eeyore-ness) Married to my soul mate - INFJ 8/06 Mommy to C - - 3/08 K - - 10/10 L - - 9/12 D - - 10/14 A - - 03/17 “When you are a Bear of Very Little Brain, and you Think of Things, you find sometimes that a Thing which seemed very Thingish inside you is quite different when it gets out into the open and has other people looking at it.” |
11-20-2017, 09:11 AM | #2 |
Rose Garden
Why thank you, it is naturally blue...
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 21,278
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Re: Child who doesn't want to do any school... advice?
How does he have being challenged/having to work when he's in a group led by another adult?
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11-20-2017, 09:33 AM | #3 |
Rose Garden
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 26,473
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Re: Child who doesn't want to do any school... advice?
I would def not assign extra work and in fact would do the opposite and have a break this week and for a couple of days - just do more fun things. Play computer learning games, take a field trip , ask him what he would like to learn about. His age is often the age of complaining about school work.When you get back to regular routine have a pep talk - I know you dont always want to do school but you do have to do schoolwork and the faster you get it done the more time you will have for (xyz). Then daily when you set up math for him something like - it is time to do the math lesson for today and if you can not complain and get it done you will have time to play with legos for awhile before lunch (or go outside etc) Or if he likes fun math games online you could give him the incentive that if he can finish the L of F lesson without complaining, he can play a math game.
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~Catherine~ Mama to 5: C W C J S And Grandma to 3: A ,K and baby C |
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11-20-2017, 09:51 AM | #4 |
Rose Garden
Our sweet family, 2017
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: The Woodlands, TX
Posts: 8,882
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Re: Child who doesn't want to do any school... advice?
Are there any privileges he earns? Screen time is directly tied to behavior and attitude in our house - didn't always used to do it that way, but we recently changed to that and it's been very helpful. They start the day with no screen time and have to earn it throughout the morning (which is when we do chores and school). Some kids are intrinsically motivated, and others have to learn it. Mine both have had to learn that; neither of them have any interest or drive to do academics and need to have some external motivation to do it well.
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Alison wife to Daniel mother to AJ (12/28/05) and PJ (03/19/08) Inspirational Women's Fiction author Children's storybook author Homeschool coach |
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11-20-2017, 10:10 AM | #5 | |
Rose Bouquet
Keep it together, keep it together...
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Idaho
Posts: 853
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Re: Child who doesn't want to do any school... advice?
Screen time is only allowed 3 days out of the week and then only if school and chores are done. Same thing with having friends over or going to friends houses. I'm wondering if it's too far removed to be motivating though. Maybe if each subject is worth a certain amount of screen time that would be more motivating? It is hard to keep track of how much screen time they are having though which is why I haven't done it as a time limit before and used the natural flow of our day and limiting what days to keep screen time minimal.
We have tried backing off of school a few times... to the point that I feel like he isn't where he should be. Every time we start more things he complains that "we didn't have to do this last week". ---------- Post added at 10:10 AM ---------- Previous post was at 10:04 AM ---------- Quote:
He's a pretty average 9yo I think. He reads well but hasn't been reading as much for fun as he used to. He's suddenly decided every story is boring. And he has started complaining about reading time during school (even though I let him read whatever he wants) because he reads before bed so that should count. He complains a lot about doing chores. It's an every day fight and then when he is asked to do anything "extra" like clean up a room that isn't on the every day chore list it's the end of the world.
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Tosha
INFP (Please forgive my Eeyore-ness) Married to my soul mate - INFJ 8/06 Mommy to C - - 3/08 K - - 10/10 L - - 9/12 D - - 10/14 A - - 03/17 “When you are a Bear of Very Little Brain, and you Think of Things, you find sometimes that a Thing which seemed very Thingish inside you is quite different when it gets out into the open and has other people looking at it.” Last edited by LovelyGourmet; 11-20-2017 at 10:12 AM. |
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11-20-2017, 10:21 AM | #6 | |
Rose Garden
Why thank you, it is naturally blue...
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 21,278
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Re: Child who doesn't want to do any school... advice?
Quote:
Plus, he's reaching an age where academics shouldn't be decreasing in time but be increasing as he moves into more content-rich areas after mastering the 3 R's of early elementary school. Those content subjects take time - no matter how you tackle them - and I would be concerned that building an expectation of school as something he does less of the more he resists may make moving into more in-depth science, history, reading, writing, math something he resists instead of embraces as a good, enjoyable part of his homeschooling. Is homeschooling the right choice for him? Every parent-child relationship is different, and what can be a great fit for some can be less optimal for others. Not all kids learn well from their parents at home, and some do better in a classroom setting (just like not all kids learn well in a classroom setting, and some learn better at home with their parents instead). Last edited by Katigre; 11-20-2017 at 03:36 PM. |
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11-20-2017, 09:59 AM | #7 |
Rose Garden
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 5,542
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Re: Child who doesn't want to do any school... advice?
What mamacat said. Sometimes you just need to change things up, if only for a day. That age can be very complain-y. Sometimes a check list helps, or a visual of some sort with goals and rewards or "if/then". My oldest likes to use the white board and write up things for ME to do when she's done with her work.
Does he like read-alouds? You could choose a book together to read, or do his work orally for a bit as long as he cooperates, or let him type it up? (My two oldest HATE to write a lot, especially before 10 yo, but they'll type on the computer.) If you want to do games, Khan Academy is fun for math at that age. We have a stash of learning games - Wrap-ups, I Sea 10, Bananagrams, Timeline, Logic puzzles, STEAM challenges, even games like Scrabble and Clue.
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Darcy married to my Photographic Genius (1/00) Mom to: Prima, Secunda, Tertia, and Quarta Youth and Beauty are fleeting, but the ability to bake a great chocolate cake lasts forever! |
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11-20-2017, 09:49 AM | #8 |
Rose Bouquet
Keep it together, keep it together...
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Idaho
Posts: 853
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Re: Child who doesn't want to do any school... advice?
He doesn't whine with adults that are not family that I have seen (he has complained when my mom has asked him to do things). He does tend to dawdle and not complete things if he thinks they are too hard though, especially if it involves writing.
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Tosha
INFP (Please forgive my Eeyore-ness) Married to my soul mate - INFJ 8/06 Mommy to C - - 3/08 K - - 10/10 L - - 9/12 D - - 10/14 A - - 03/17 “When you are a Bear of Very Little Brain, and you Think of Things, you find sometimes that a Thing which seemed very Thingish inside you is quite different when it gets out into the open and has other people looking at it.” |
11-20-2017, 09:53 AM | #9 |
Rose Garden
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 16,750
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Re: Child who doesn't want to do any school... advice?
Is discipline an issue in other aspects of life?
Is he gifted? Reading on grade level? Reads for fun? Does chores well?
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ENFp Wife who is thankful to be in love....17 years Homeschooling Mom of three....15 DD dancer and 12 DS mountain biker and 5 DD calico critter and dolly mommy 12/2014 8/2015 11/2015 9/2016 |
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11-20-2017, 10:11 AM | #10 | |
Rose Garden
I am the mountain. I am not the storm and the storm is not me. -Ian Cron
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 28,913
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Re: Child who doesn't want to do any school... advice?
Quote:
PLUS how’s his diet? Does he get enough fats? is he a kid who eats peanut butter out of the jar? Or craves salt? Is this seasonal (fall?) or all the time? Before I worked on environment or behavior, I’d be looking at organic issues.
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~Spring always comes after winter~ 2 Corinthians 4:16 “ Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. ” |
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11-20-2017, 10:23 AM | #11 |
Rose Garden
Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 23,483
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Re: Child who doesn't want to do any school... advice?
It sounds like he might do best with more structure.
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Homeschooling mama to five: a young adult (graduated!), two high schoolers, a big kid, and a kindergartner And yes, they've all aged overnight since the last time you read my out-of-date sigg. |
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11-20-2017, 10:32 AM | #12 |
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 34,566
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Re: Child who doesn't want to do any school... advice?
I'm going to agree some of the above - might be academic reasons or physical - with the additions of a BUT. Some things you do have to casually speak from power (ie, state what is going to happen nicely)
For example 'we didn't have to do that last week' might get a 'yap, but we are doing it this week' and just keep moving forward. The 'they aren't babies' might be 'I didn't say to get it for them if they couldn't. I asked you to do something and expect you follow through'. And on the other hand, I think you might need to give him the power to have some control. Maybe write a list of academic things that need to get done and let him chose the order or break up tasks into smaller tasks, but all completed in the day. I also think you are on to something re privileges and frequency. I dragged myself out of bed this morning at 6am to go into work not because I love what I do (which I am kinda do) but because I am getting paid. We tell our kids to thing of school as their work, but I know I wouldn't get up so early, drive into town, etc, etc if there wasn't a tangible benefit at the end of the process. One thing to look at is 'what is he doing when he isn't doing school?' Is he vegging or is there a passion for something else that might be useful in motivating school and possible to incorporate into lessons?
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Elizabeth "Truth without love is divisive and hurtful & love without truth is anemic"--Pastor Estep Arise, cry out in the night...pour out your heart like water in the presence of the Lord; Lift up your hands to him for the lives of your children..; Lamentations 2:19 |
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11-21-2017, 04:53 PM | #13 |
Rose Garden
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 6,504
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Re: Child who doesn't want to do any school... advice?
There are some kids who will not learn from a parent who will happily learn from another adult. We tried to HS our DS for 2.5 years, then discovered he did far better in school.
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Wife to my wonderful Beloved (2002) / Mom to The Mathematician - making progress living with ASD, ADHD/SPD/anxiety and depression (2004) and precious Taylor taken from us too soon (2009). Go Team Lioness!!! |
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