Should we add to our family?

[mollobe]

Bear with me while I try to organize my thoughts about the possibility of having another baby:

DH and I have been thinking a lot about whether or not we want to have any more biological children. I'm 32, so we've got time, but we've always talked about foster care and/or adoption, too, so...all the details of going either (or both) direction is just so overwhelming!

On one hand, I'd love to be pregnant again, give birth again, and have a newborn again.

On the other hand, I'm not super excited about being pregnant and giving birth again because the other two were such great experiences (for the most part) so it scares me that something might go wrong.

If we adopt, it will be domestic, likely through the foster care system. This not only takes time, it also means potentially fostering many children before "the one/s" come into our home. If we adopt, I'd ideally like to adopt 2 so that they have each other for going through those inevitable hard adoption issues while growing up. But if we have another bio child, it will push that adoption/fostering dream back at least a few more years because I prefer being under 35 if I'm going to get pregnant again, and that brings us to having what I feel like is too many (5) children (for us).

I feel like I'm at war with myself daily over this - seeing a little baby makes me all gooey, and then I yell at the two I have over something and immediately feel guilty and can't believe that I'd want to add another soul to my questionable parenting.

Having 2 kids is awesome. We fit nicely in a car. When we're out DH and I each have one to be "in charge" of. There's one of each gender so I don't feel any sort of need to "keep trying" as some do. I can handle them alright on my own on short trips to the store or even for a week or 2 at a time (DH travels for work sometimes)....so adding more children will "mess" all that up.

I've always said I want 3-5 kids. 5 seems entirely overwhelming to me now, but just having 2 kids for the rest of my life (thinking ahead to them leaving for college, coming home for holidays, etc) seems like not enough.

Seriously though, HOW do you decide these things?! At what point do you just jump in and go for it or step back and say, "stop?" Do we just wait until we feel at peace with a decision? I'm not a very patient person...

Please speak some sense to my mixed-up brain. I'd love to hear from mamas who are content with just 1 or 2 and from those who have or want lots!

(If this topic fits better somewhere else, feel free to move it)