Passing down toys

[Beth1231]

I just remembered how I got this going with my oldest (when she was around 5 and her brother 1). I took her to yardsales and spent a few bucks over a couple months getting "new" stuff. The deal was "share xyz with little brother and get new stuff." Good grief,I had almost forgot that. She did not want to share her stuff.
Also,I purposely bought baby brother a few small things at a consignment shop I knew she would want a turn with. If she was willing to share her dollhouse,she could take a turn with the Sesame Street house.
Um. I engaged in some deceit and switcheroo and this thread is bringing it all back.

[Mother of Sons]

Don't force toddlers to share; It actually delays the development of sharing skills! Kids need to feel secure in their ownership before they can share. Instead, introduce the concept of taking turns."

I fully agree with the quote but imo it doesn't apply here. That quote is talking about taking a toy away from a child who is currently using it, to let another child play with it. That's not the same thing.

Do they play together much? Why does she say she wants to keep the toys to herself instead of letting her sibling use them?

[temsmama]

Originally Posted by Mother of Sons

I fully agree with the quote but imo it doesn't apply here. That quote is talking about taking a toy away from a child who is currently using it, to let another child play with it. That's not the same thing.

In hindsight that makes a lot of sense. I think my brain got stuck on "Kids need to feel secure in their ownership before they can share" and took it beyond what was intended.

Originally Posted by Mother of Sons

Do they play together much? Why does she say she wants to keep the toys to herself instead of letting her sibling use them?

They play together a lot and overall get along really well. She says she wants to keep them because "they're mine" and she'd be sad if they got broken.

[CelticJourney]

I think you can get sidetracked by focusing on 'ownership'. I think you might shift slightly to 'stewardship' (taking care of it) and enjoying it. Just let things happen. The idea of ownership with toddlers is not some serious issue, but the ideas that what you have in the moment shouldn't just be snatched away. Definitely let her have her 'special stuff', but if everything is special then nothing really is special.

[MegMarch]

My five year old is NOT ok with passing things along most of the time. She's only starting to occasionally be excited about getting older. She is sentimental and has a lot of "but I want to save this for when I am grown up lady and have a baby" responses

What we are doing is modeling going through and donating our own stuff as adults. Talking about why we are ok with letting go of things even though we still like them for some reasons. I have a bin out for donations and occasionally ask her to pick two or three things to give another child when she's ready. Obviously this is not the same thing but in case it's helpful

I think you've done what you wanted. Your oldest knows about ownership now. It is good to work on what belongs to all the family, individuals, etc. For mine, I'd probably make a fuss about taking each child to pick out one special new thing that is just theirs and another family thing (cheap yard game?) AFTER everyone goes through toys to see what needs to be tossed, donated, or categorized as family or individual.

[Blue-EyedLady]

In our house, when a gift is received, the first day, it belongs to the giftee and they do not have to share it. At. All. On the second day, other siblings are allowed to ask for turns playing with the thing, provided that it's age appropriate, of course.

As far as the "I had it first problem" I teach my kids that you need to offer a trade of a more interesting item if you want a toy someone else is using. Mostly for the baby, but older kids too. What often happens is that they go on a search for something more interesting, get distracted by all the awesome toys we own, and by the time they come back, the first kid is done with the toy, or at least ready to move on.

Of course, each kid has special things that are their own, but that doesn't happen much in the toddler stage. My current toddler considers every object to be "mine!" and will tell me so, in no uncertain terms. Lol

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