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Old 05-10-2016, 07:55 PM   #1
SewingGreenMama
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Default Trusting child after trust is broken

Discussion Question.
What does regaining trust in your child look like?
Such as, hypothetical situation, letting your child walk with you through the parking lot without holding your hand and they do great, but then all of a sudden they dart out without looking because they are mad at you or over excited about a treat that will be gained once buckled, refusing to listen to your warnings. So as a result they must hold your hand while in the parking lot.
For the young child above you take their current disposition and how they have been handling themselves today into consideration when you decide to let them try again.
But it isn't quite the same with an older child who has a little more control over his emotional reactions.
So I thought I'd open conversation here about it as I'm sure I'm not the only one who thinks about this and wonders if they are extending trust too soon or taking too long. etc.
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"Reflections like these lead one to spare the rod ... purely because it is not easy to find a punishment that does not defeat it's own ends." -Charlotte Mason Parents and Children pg. 171

"If punishment were necessarily reformative, and able to cure us all of those 'sins we have a mind to,' why, the world would be a very good world;" -Charlotte Mason, Parents and Children pg. 172

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Old 05-10-2016, 08:27 PM   #2
MercyInDisguise
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Default Re: Trusting child after trust is broken



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Old 05-11-2016, 06:14 AM   #3
mamacat
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Default Re: Trusting child after trust is broken

I dont think it is a matter of trust always.It is knowing they are still immature and just like all humans tempted to do things they know are not a good choice and then sometimes get into tha whole miserable web of trying to conceal.So just as with an adult if the focus can be on grace for the situation and making amends and letting it be a learning thing. I dont think we should expect to alays trust on some level. It also helps to kind of do kangaroo court with them sometimes and ask them what they think a fair and helpful consequence would be.
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Old 05-12-2016, 07:01 AM   #4
tempus vernum
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Default Re: Trusting child after trust is broken

Quote:
Originally Posted by mamacat View Post
I dont think it is a matter of trust always.It is knowing they are still immature and just like all humans tempted to do things they know are not a good choice and then sometimes get into tha whole miserable web of trying to conceal.So just as with an adult if the focus can be on grace for the situation and making amends and letting it be a learning thing. I dont think we should expect to alays trust on some level. It also helps to kind of do kangaroo court with them sometimes and ask them what they think a fair and helpful consequence would be.
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Old 05-14-2016, 04:03 PM   #5
DoulaClara
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Default Re: Trusting child after trust is broken

For me, it's less a matter of "regaining trust," and more a matter of providing more opportunities to practice what it is that needs work, while also reconnecting. For example, if it's something impulsive and unsafe, we discuss safety, and about how Mom and Dad are in charge of making sure they are as safe as possible, so for the next while, we will be reminding and helping with the safety issue in question (hands on the cart in the parking lot) while also offering practice to do the right thing (more walks in an area with streets, etc).

So far, in my experience, kids who do something up characteristically boneheaded are either getting ready to come down with an illness, or getting ready for a growth spurt. My biggest moments with my older kids have happened when their rains were rebooting, and some basics that they mastered a long time ago kind of flop for a bit in the process. Connect, connect, connect.
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Old 05-14-2016, 10:28 PM   #6
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Default Re: Trusting child after trust is broken

I trust my children to be who they are and who I realistically see them being. I adjust and update my expectations *after* they show me consistent change.
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