From Parenting children to Talking to them

[SouthPaw]

I hope y'all can translate this because I'm not sure what I mean yet

I feel like I'm transitioning in how I speak to my children from the very intentional, more scripted way I work with young kids (up to 5-ish??) to just being myself and talking to them like I do other humans

I want them to get to know my real personality, not just the "mommy" personality, but sometimes I also feel like I need to be more self-aware so I'm not unintentionally being sarcastic or flippant or whatever that another adult would translate as wryness or humor but that they might not understand.

I appreciate set scripts for very specific things, or a specific Discipline Interaction, but I feel like they are also outgrowing that in a way and for some reason my brain is separating those things out from daily ongoing interaction and it's confusing me. It's like a balance between being self-aware and Doing Things Right and actually just being ME and talking to my kids.

I don't even know why that is a dichotomy for me Is this something everyone else matures through as a parent, or am I just waaaaay overthinking things?

[sunflowermom]

I've wondered about this transition myself. I hope to hear advice of BTDT moms. I'm not there yet, my little guy is 2.

[Dovenoir]

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[megretleigh]

[Soliloquy]

Yep, we're at that stage, too. I think a big part of it, for me, was that treating everyone's feelings with respect, while not necessarily changing my thoughts, opinions, and/or actions based on their feelings, was a new thing for me when my kids were little. I can disagree with someone while still acknowledging their feelings.

That has become part of how I operate as the norm, now, so it's natural to talk to my kids that way. I don't always have to stop and think.

[MidnightCafe]

I think, too, that your kids grow out of the need for you to...well...I don't know...sort of talk "kid talk" to them. The "kid talk" is often more scripted. Kids need easy-to-remember phrases for things (i.e. "You hit, you sit," or "Let's try that again.") Little kids often need things pared down. You remove the extraneous words in order to help them focus or to make your point.

...and little kids believe they're the center of the universe. They don't really have any idea of themselves as separate from you. Or rather, of you as separate from them. They don't understand how anyone would view the world differently than they, themselves, view the world.

As kids get older, their vocabulary increases, as does their ability to read and interpret more complex cues in body language and tone of voice. And they begin to see that people see the world in all kinds of different ways, from all kinds of points of view. So, they're capable of more grown-up communication. You can talk to them about why you do or think this or that, what your plans are for the day, how you're deciding one thing or another... You can chit chat and make conversation.

My theory is that if you can make that transition, you're beginning to build friendship with your child, and that will smooth the way for the teenage years and their growing independence.

[Daria_Aleksandrovna]

Mine is nearly 5 and I'm starting to get snippets of actual conversation. Instead of me just directing and telling him what to do, it's will interesting getting him to accept my authority in the next few years while balancing friendship with them.



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[homesteadmama]

I haven't consciously thought of this until now! Thanks for bringing it up!

I do talk to my 7yo much differently than my younger (less mature, by far) ones. I tell her my reasoning, my thought process, more of the "why" with stuff. I feel like she and I have more of a friendship, whereas with my boys, it's more of an authority figure.

[WanderingJuniper]

I have me just doing the living with my family thing voice and then there is "mom voice". I don't know if it is right or not but we are in the transition years and "mom voice"lets them know I am not being sarcastic or goofy which is who I am but they are still learning that language so to speak.

It really bothers my oldest because she feels it is me talking down to her unfortunately if I am using "mom talk" with her it's because she is making decisions below her ability.

[saturnfire16]

I've always just talked to my kids. Starting when they were babies and I'd just talk about what I was doing even though they didn't understand. I mean, I talk at their level, to an extent, but I also just talk and if they get it, they get it and if they don't, that's ok. The conversations definitely become more two-way and more interesting as they get older, but it can start on the parents side at any age.

[Radosny Matka]

Hmmm...I don't ever remember intentionally making that change. I think it is just a change. As our kids get older and change themselves, the way we react and talk to them naturally changes. I see that transition happening more in the past few months with P. (and N is almost 13, so we have made that change.).

[sweetpeasmommy]

It's not so much that I changed, but the last 2 years he changed and it feels more like just talking.