Gentle Christian Mothers Community
 
Random Quotes from Wise Mamas

~* Please help keep GCM free by using our
Amazon.com affiliate link. Thank you! *~


Go Back   Gentle Christian Mothers Community > Specific Issues > Gentle Discipline *Public*
Forgot Password? Join Us!

Gentle Discipline *Public* A public forum.
GCM Webpage: Gentle Discipline

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 03-22-2014, 11:51 AM   #1
twoplustwo
Moderator
 
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 6,527
twoplustwo has a reputation beyond reputetwoplustwo has a reputation beyond reputetwoplustwo has a reputation beyond reputetwoplustwo has a reputation beyond reputetwoplustwo has a reputation beyond reputetwoplustwo has a reputation beyond reputetwoplustwo has a reputation beyond reputetwoplustwo has a reputation beyond reputetwoplustwo has a reputation beyond reputetwoplustwo has a reputation beyond reputetwoplustwo has a reputation beyond repute
Default More tools needed! (so I will stop yelling)

Here is the situation.

Kids have a swim meet today (ages 6 & 8). I say get ready for swim meet. They are goofing around and don't listen. I go to them and physically hand them their swim suits and plan to stand around so it happens. 6boy grabs 8girls balloon and runs away with it - 8girl following and general not getting readiness. I say - come on guys - you need to get ready right now if there is time afterwards you can play. At this point I am following them around physically trying to put clothes into their hands.

No one listens and they are starting to fight. I SCREAM "GET READY FOR SWIM RIGHT THIS SECOND!" - so they do. Which is why I yell, because it works. But of course I want to stop.

HELP! This is *very* typical in how I end up yelling - so I need more tools so things go differently.
twoplustwo is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to twoplustwo For This Useful Post:
DancingWithElves (03-25-2014), Elspeth (03-25-2014), homesteadmama (04-02-2014)
Old 03-22-2014, 02:34 PM   #2
sweetpeas
Rose Trellis
 
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 2,318
sweetpeas has a reputation beyond reputesweetpeas has a reputation beyond reputesweetpeas has a reputation beyond reputesweetpeas has a reputation beyond reputesweetpeas has a reputation beyond reputesweetpeas has a reputation beyond reputesweetpeas has a reputation beyond reputesweetpeas has a reputation beyond reputesweetpeas has a reputation beyond reputesweetpeas has a reputation beyond reputesweetpeas has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: More tools needed! (so I will stop yelling)

What would happen if you just let them not get ready in time, and not get to go to swimming? That's what "Love and Logic" (which for some reason rubs me wrong in it's tone) and "Loving our Kids on Purpose" (which says basically the same thing, but the tone doesn't rub me wrong ) would recommend. I pick and choose, as long as the children are the only ones affected, I think it can work well, if them not going to swimming means the whole team suffers, then I'm less willing.

One possibility . . . when my girls wanted to take music lessons, I told them this isn't going to be one more thing I have to nag you about, AND I'm not spending money on something you're not utilizing, if you're going to take music lessons you are responsible for practicing regularly, or you're done. They've been great about it, sometimes when our life is out-of-control hectic, I'll remind them, because I can see that this one 30 min period is the only possible time today that they could practice, and they're kids and not as likely to see that, but normally, they take total responsibility. So, to translate that into your situation, could you tell them that you're tired of having to scream at them to get ready for swim meet/practice, if it's not important to them, then maybe they need to quit the team? Assuming you're willing to follow through with that, if they don't care enough to take responsibility?
__________________


Busy Homeschooling Mom to 3 Sweetpeas:
Lexie & Ashlyn 16 yr old twins
and
Lina, 9
Virtual Accountant and Bookkeeper in my "spare time"
sweetpeas is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to sweetpeas For This Useful Post:
Dtswife (03-26-2014), twoplustwo (03-22-2014)
Old 03-22-2014, 03:27 PM   #3
Pearl In Oyster
Rose Garden
 
growing every day
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: California
Posts: 4,100
Pearl In Oyster has a reputation beyond reputePearl In Oyster has a reputation beyond reputePearl In Oyster has a reputation beyond reputePearl In Oyster has a reputation beyond reputePearl In Oyster has a reputation beyond reputePearl In Oyster has a reputation beyond reputePearl In Oyster has a reputation beyond reputePearl In Oyster has a reputation beyond reputePearl In Oyster has a reputation beyond reputePearl In Oyster has a reputation beyond reputePearl In Oyster has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: More tools needed! (so I will stop yelling)

What about starting earlier and having them take turns getting ready while the other is occupied with something else? Or making it a race? Don't know if they are too old for that though.
__________________
Maggie

Celebrating resurrection life after a heart transplant on 2/21/15!

Married since 8/28/04 to a big Bear
Mama to sweet & spirited Charlotte , born 9/08, determined & imaginative Zachary , born 6/12, one I'll see in heaven 10/10, and easy-going Elliott , born 4/14!
Pearl In Oyster is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Pearl In Oyster For This Useful Post:
twoplustwo (03-22-2014)
Old 03-22-2014, 04:28 PM   #4
twoplustwo
Moderator
 
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 6,527
twoplustwo has a reputation beyond reputetwoplustwo has a reputation beyond reputetwoplustwo has a reputation beyond reputetwoplustwo has a reputation beyond reputetwoplustwo has a reputation beyond reputetwoplustwo has a reputation beyond reputetwoplustwo has a reputation beyond reputetwoplustwo has a reputation beyond reputetwoplustwo has a reputation beyond reputetwoplustwo has a reputation beyond reputetwoplustwo has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: More tools needed! (so I will stop yelling)

Quote:
Originally Posted by sweetpeas View Post
What would happen if you just let them not get ready in time, and not get to go to swimming?

then maybe they need to quit the team? Assuming you're willing to follow through with that, if they don't care enough to take responsibility?
If they aren't there in time then they miss check in and they don't swim. Plus I was officiating that meet (I officiate ALL the meets they swim because I find sitting in the stands boring AND if I hit a minimum # the swim club reimburses my yearly licensing fee) so I am obligated to be there for MY check in. I need to work the meet AND in this case, dh was striping soccer fields so they had to swim so I could judge - they couldn't just stay home with dh.

AND If they didnt swim, it looks bad bc they ask you to swim meets if you sign up for them (you pick & chose what meets u want to swim via sign up) because they obligated plus Id still pay meet fees.

(answering 2nd part of what I quoted now)

That is always the case. They always get to decide what sports to do - they complain about going, then they don't do that sport as soon as the season/whatever ends. This was the final meet of the short course, I think they were just ready for the upcoming break. Typically them not going isn't a problem with extra-curricular activities. They are very eager to go to practices, meets, & games 96.47% of the time.

Its more of a not listening then I yell problem, this was just today's example.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pearl In Oyster View Post
What about starting earlier and having them take turns getting ready while the other is occupied with something else? Or making it a race? Don't know if they are too old for that though.
I did have them start earlier. It was about 45 minutes before we needed to leave. So we weren't really in a rush, but I asked them to get ready so when it was time to go they were ready. Ive already learned that lesson.

It's really about them not listening to me when I ask them to do something. And I get tired of it & end up yelling.

On the have them get ready separately. That might work. I could make one come do dishes/laundry/whatever with me & then have them flip. They will complain because they will want to play, but they could "earn" getting ready quickly at the same time by getting ready the first time I ask.

Making it a race is no good. They are 19 months apart and already compete with each other enough.

We have done the race against the clock in the past - so each kid has their own time with bedtime and they just need to beat their personal best. But there can still be some competition even with that plus in this case I would need a get ready for swim baseline time which I don't have.
twoplustwo is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-22-2014, 04:49 PM   #5
Soliloquy
Rose Garden
 
Why climb a mountain? Because it's there!
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Selkirk Mountains
Posts: 52,860
Soliloquy has a reputation beyond reputeSoliloquy has a reputation beyond reputeSoliloquy has a reputation beyond reputeSoliloquy has a reputation beyond reputeSoliloquy has a reputation beyond reputeSoliloquy has a reputation beyond reputeSoliloquy has a reputation beyond reputeSoliloquy has a reputation beyond reputeSoliloquy has a reputation beyond reputeSoliloquy has a reputation beyond reputeSoliloquy has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: More tools needed! (so I will stop yelling)

Similar situation here. I teach in our homeschool coop and I have leadership roles in Scouts so *I* have to be there-- and be there on time.

I would either-- take them one-on-one to get dressed, not allowing any side activities. They're showing you they won't get ready independently.

Let them miss out on a meet. If they don't get changed, they'll still have to get in the car and go but they won't be able to swim. You might be dealing with big feelings & resulting behavior, though, while you're trying to officiate.

Sent from my DROID RAZR using Tapatalk
Soliloquy is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Soliloquy For This Useful Post:
twoplustwo (03-22-2014)
Old 03-22-2014, 04:55 PM   #6
twoplustwo
Moderator
 
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 6,527
twoplustwo has a reputation beyond reputetwoplustwo has a reputation beyond reputetwoplustwo has a reputation beyond reputetwoplustwo has a reputation beyond reputetwoplustwo has a reputation beyond reputetwoplustwo has a reputation beyond reputetwoplustwo has a reputation beyond reputetwoplustwo has a reputation beyond reputetwoplustwo has a reputation beyond reputetwoplustwo has a reputation beyond reputetwoplustwo has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: More tools needed! (so I will stop yelling)

Quote:
Originally Posted by LisaM View Post
Similar situation here. I teach in our homeschool coop and I have leadership roles in Scouts so *I* have to be there-- and be there on time.

I would either-- take them one-on-one to get dressed, not allowing any side activities. They're showing you they won't get ready independently.

Let them miss out on a meet. If they don't get changed, they'll still have to get in the car and go but they won't be able to swim. You might be dealing with big feelings & resulting behavior, though, while you're trying to officiate.

Sent from my DROID RAZR using Tapatalk
So next up to try is the one on one thing for getting ready. The more I think about it the more that would actually help me. Because I can get stuff done with a child while the other one gets ready. Ill be spending LESS time (hopefully) monitoring getting ready time.

Oh, I see. Take them not dressed. I could do that. I could even pack their swim suits in their bags, they can change there & miss the beginning of warm ups. This would really bother my dd so she wouldn't allow it to happen again. Not sure my ds would care and he might start going "Ill just change when I get there like last time."
twoplustwo is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-22-2014, 05:01 PM   #7
saturnfire16
Rose Garden
 
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: North Eastern CA
Posts: 9,119
saturnfire16 has disabled reputation
Default Re: More tools needed! (so I will stop yelling)

Quote:
Originally Posted by twoplustwo View Post

Its more of a not listening then I yell problem, this was just today's example.
It helps me to stick to one word at a time, especially getting ready to go somewhere. We've done this enough times that the kids know what I mean.

So after the initial "Time to get ready to go," if they are distracting each other playing, I will get down on their level, between them if necessary, get their attention by being there physically and say "Shirt," and either hand it to them or that will mean that they need to go put in on themselves depending on the situation. Usually, this gets them going and then if they start to get distracted again I can just say "Focus. Pants."

I don't do that every time, robotically, but it does help for those times when they are being particularly easily distractable and/or I'm being tempted to yell.
__________________
~Emily
INTJ, Type 4

Wife to D
Mama to:
E 12/05
L 7/08
Z 12/10
A 6/14
and J in heaven 2/10

Torah Keeping, Unschooling Family

My blog on unschooling and family life: Peace On Dark Nights.
saturnfire16 is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to saturnfire16 For This Useful Post:
bentlaj11 (03-25-2014), Dtswife (03-26-2014), homesteadmama (04-02-2014), Johns_Gal (03-25-2014), Pearl In Oyster (03-22-2014), Soliloquy (03-22-2014), twoplustwo (03-22-2014)
Old 03-24-2014, 02:07 PM   #8
twoplustwo
Moderator
 
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 6,527
twoplustwo has a reputation beyond reputetwoplustwo has a reputation beyond reputetwoplustwo has a reputation beyond reputetwoplustwo has a reputation beyond reputetwoplustwo has a reputation beyond reputetwoplustwo has a reputation beyond reputetwoplustwo has a reputation beyond reputetwoplustwo has a reputation beyond reputetwoplustwo has a reputation beyond reputetwoplustwo has a reputation beyond reputetwoplustwo has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: More tools needed! (so I will stop yelling)

UPDATE! So I didn't realize there were 3 more available practices for swim left before the break between short & long courses but got an email that there are M-W this week.

(I say available because you arent supposed to go to them all - there are 5 a week, especially at this age because they dont want it to become not fun, but you dont sign up for a specific time, you just go as you want).

So the kids want to go to practice today. So I said ok, go get ready (40 minutes before we have to leave) and they are upstairs goofing around. So I look up there & say - hey bud, come on down & help me with dishes. And he is all "Wha?" And I am all, just come here. So he does and I explain that getting ready at the same time isnt working and they will flip flop getting ready. He isn't thrilled to be helping me with dishes, but takes it ok.

The point being - MY KIDS GOT READY IN RECORD TIME by doing it separately!

Some times the answer is so obvious it makes you go

Also, I haven't yelled since that day (Saturday), though I did get snippy with my kids at dinner time this evening when they were listening and wasn't very nice. They were goofing around & going to knock stuff over. After beiing mean, I did get on their level and say in her eyes - "I asked you to stop it because someone was going to get hurt or there would be a mess" and my 8 year old said "I know, I know, I heard you the first 2 times." Which made me think (but not say) - then why didnt you listen the first 2 times.

Anyway, I am working on it, working on it, working on it always. Its hard to change!
twoplustwo is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 10 Users Say Thank You to twoplustwo For This Useful Post:
Dtswife (03-26-2014), homesteadmama (04-02-2014), Johns_Gal (03-25-2014), knitlove (03-25-2014), L-Boogie (03-24-2014), MamaRachel (03-24-2014), Pearl In Oyster (03-24-2014), Soliloquy (03-25-2014), squiddles (03-26-2014), WanderingJuniper (03-25-2014)
Old 03-25-2014, 10:49 AM   #9
Soliloquy
Rose Garden
 
Why climb a mountain? Because it's there!
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Selkirk Mountains
Posts: 52,860
Soliloquy has a reputation beyond reputeSoliloquy has a reputation beyond reputeSoliloquy has a reputation beyond reputeSoliloquy has a reputation beyond reputeSoliloquy has a reputation beyond reputeSoliloquy has a reputation beyond reputeSoliloquy has a reputation beyond reputeSoliloquy has a reputation beyond reputeSoliloquy has a reputation beyond reputeSoliloquy has a reputation beyond reputeSoliloquy has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: More tools needed! (so I will stop yelling)





Sent from my DROID RAZR using Tapatalk
Soliloquy is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Soliloquy For This Useful Post:
twoplustwo (03-27-2014)
Old 03-25-2014, 10:55 AM   #10
Johns_Gal
Rose Garden
 
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 8,764
Johns_Gal has a reputation beyond reputeJohns_Gal has a reputation beyond reputeJohns_Gal has a reputation beyond reputeJohns_Gal has a reputation beyond reputeJohns_Gal has a reputation beyond reputeJohns_Gal has a reputation beyond reputeJohns_Gal has a reputation beyond reputeJohns_Gal has a reputation beyond reputeJohns_Gal has a reputation beyond reputeJohns_Gal has a reputation beyond reputeJohns_Gal has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: More tools needed! (so I will stop yelling)

I am proud of your restraint. We love them so, but wow can they drive us nuts.
__________________
He is seven and she is days from turning two. I'm not sure how this happened.
Johns_Gal is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Johns_Gal For This Useful Post:
twoplustwo (03-27-2014)
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 07:08 PM.


A variety of opinions and ideas are shared on GCM. Personal experiences, suggestions, and tips found here are in no way intended to substitute for medical counsel from a healthcare professional. Always use your own good judgement and seek professional advice when in doubt about a health concern.

Amazon.com affiliate link

Copyright 1997-2017 by Gentle Christian Mothers™
An alternative-minded, evangelical Christian community supporting attachment parenting and natural living.

Do not post content elsewhere.
http://www.gentlechristianmothers.com/community/

Some smilies created and copyrighted by Mazeguy.
Some smilies and avatars created and copyrighted by flowermama and children -- do not use elsewhere.

Soli Deo Gloria
To God only wise, be glory through Jesus Christ for ever. Amen. ~ Romans 16:27 (KJV)

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.3
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.

X vBulletin 3.8.3 Debug Information
  • Page Generation 0.10702 seconds
  • Memory Usage 7,931KB
  • Queries Executed 14 (?)
More Information
Template Usage:
  • (1)SHOWTHREAD
  • (1)ad_footer_end
  • (1)ad_footer_start
  • (1)ad_header_end
  • (1)ad_header_logo
  • (1)ad_navbar_below
  • (1)ad_showthread_beforeqr
  • (1)ad_showthread_firstpost
  • (1)ad_showthread_firstpost_sig
  • (1)ad_showthread_firstpost_start
  • (4)bbcode_quote
  • (1)cyb_flashimagebanners
  • (1)footer
  • (1)forumjump
  • (1)forumrules
  • (1)gobutton
  • (1)header
  • (1)headinclude
  • (1)navbar
  • (3)navbar_link
  • (60)option
  • (10)post_groan_box
  • (1)post_groan_javascript
  • (1)post_groan_navbar_search
  • (10)post_thanks_box
  • (26)post_thanks_box_bit
  • (1)post_thanks_javascript
  • (1)post_thanks_navbar_search
  • (8)post_thanks_postbit_legacy
  • (10)postbit_legacy
  • (10)postbit_onlinestatus
  • (100)postbit_reputation
  • (10)postbit_wrapper
  • (4)showthread_bookmarksite
  • (1)smqre_editor_button
  • (1)spacer_close
  • (1)spacer_open
  • (1)tagbit_wrapper 

Phrase Groups Available:
  • global
  • inlinemod
  • postbit
  • posting
  • reputationlevel
  • showthread
Included Files:
  • ./showthread.php
  • ./global.php
  • ./includes/init.php
  • ./includes/class_core.php
  • ./includes/config.php
  • ./includes/functions.php
  • ./includes/class_hook.php
  • ./includes/functions_notice.php
  • ./mobiquo/smartbanner.php
  • ./mobiquo/include/classTTConnection.php
  • ./mobiquo/smartbanner/head.inc.php
  • ./includes/functions_bigthree.php
  • ./includes/class_postbit.php
  • ./includes/class_bbcode.php
  • ./includes/functions_reputation.php
  • ./includes/adminfunctions_template.php
  • ./includes/functions_misc.php
  • ./includes/functions_post_thanks.php
  • ./includes/functions_post_groan.php 

Hooks Called:
  • init_startup
  • cache_permissions
  • fetch_threadinfo_query
  • fetch_threadinfo
  • fetch_foruminfo
  • style_fetch
  • cache_templates
  • global_start
  • parse_templates
  • fetch_musername
  • notices_check_start
  • global_setup_complete
  • showthread_start
  • template_groups
  • template_safe_functions
  • template_compile
  • showthread_getinfo
  • forumjump
  • showthread_post_start
  • showthread_query_postids
  • showthread_query
  • bbcode_fetch_tags
  • bbcode_create
  • showthread_postbit_create
  • postbit_factory
  • postbit_display_start
  • post_thanks_function_post_thanks_off_start
  • post_thanks_function_post_thanks_off_end
  • post_thanks_function_fetch_thanks_start
  • post_thanks_function_fetch_thanks_end
  • post_thanks_function_thanked_already_start
  • post_thanks_function_thanked_already_end
  • post_thanks_function_fetch_thanks_bit_start
  • post_thanks_function_show_thanks_date_start
  • post_thanks_function_fetch_thanks_bit_end
  • post_thanks_function_fetch_post_thanks_template_start
  • post_thanks_function_fetch_post_thanks_template_end
  • post_groan_function_post_groan_off_start
  • post_groan_function_post_groan_off_end
  • post_groan_function_fetch_groans_start
  • post_groan_function_fetch_groans_end
  • post_groan_function_groaned_already_start
  • post_groan_function_groaned_already_end
  • reputation_image
  • postbit_imicons
  • bbcode_parse_start
  • bbcode_parse_complete_precache
  • bbcode_parse_complete
  • postbit_display_complete
  • error_fetch
  • tag_fetchbit_complete
  • forumrules
  • showthread_bookmarkbit
  • navbits
  • navbits_complete
  • showthread_complete