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07-26-2019, 03:15 AM | #1 |
Rose Garden
Join Date: Mar 2007
Posts: 10,819
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The reality of getting together with friends
How hard is it for you to meet up with friends whether as a couple or just the women? I’m curious what this looks like for others. I’m feeling frustrated but I don’t know if that is fair. A friend asked us to get together with her and her husband. This was early July. She gave us one date in mid August as an option because it was the only day open on their calendar. And even then she will have to drive her 15 yo to and from work that night. It’s the only day in August i have plans with other friends. She counters with the last Saturday in September. Is this normal? Are other parents lives so scheduled that it takes two months to get together with friends for dessert and coffee?
Flip side, Hubs and his buddy just scheduled a family weekend for our two families of five to spend the day on the lake and go to a NASCAR race the next day. It’s leaving me confused. Both the families we were trying to connect with are families of 5 with teens. I remember growing up my parents friends connecting in someway once a week or more. They all had kids too. It was an impromptu pool party, a Wednesday poker game. Friday night pizza and ping pong. Is my experience so different because of a culture change or was my experience just that odd growing up? |
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07-26-2019, 03:33 AM | #2 |
Rose Trellis
Deuteronomy 11:19
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 3,051
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Re: The reality of getting together with friends
This has been my experience too.
I have a wonderful best friend. She does not do last minute plans well. We have to plan at least a few days in advance or it just isn't going to happen. Sometimes weeks in advance. I love her dearly so I work with this, and she tries to be a little more flexible and spontaneous for me as well. But yes. It is hard. I remember weekly get-togethers for random events, last minute playdates, and park days. Lots of dinners. People are so busy now. Their kids are in so many activities, and they don't push for more Independence. The stress of go, go, go is why my kids are in nothing. We are looking into 4H this year for all of them, but that is it. Sent from my Moto Z (2) using Tapatalk
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"Reflections like these lead one to spare the rod ... purely because it is not easy to find a punishment that does not defeat it's own ends." -Charlotte Mason Parents and Children pg. 171 "If punishment were necessarily reformative, and able to cure us all of those 'sins we have a mind to,' why, the world would be a very good world;" -Charlotte Mason, Parents and Children pg. 172 W&C 8/4/06; G 15yo , M 11yo , S 8/29/13 , V 8yo , Baby 2yo |
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07-26-2019, 04:54 AM | #3 |
Rose Garden
Don't mind my faces. They usually don't mean anything.
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Virginia
Posts: 8,644
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Re: The reality of getting together with friends
Sometimes, yes Depending upon their other commitments, their work schedules, etc.
DH and I have a couple we are good friends with. She’s a nurse (so works weekends). DH is a pharmacist (so works some weekends and holidays). I coach volleyball, so evenings were tied up for me. We have been trying to get together since Christmas— we are finally hanging out August 3 and giving them their Christmas gift then (which, btw, I’ve forgotten what I even got them). I just looked at my calendar— I have swim lessons with DD every Saturday, a wedding shower, a graduation party, a wedding, two kids’ birthday parties, my own daughter’s birthday party. I only have one free Saturday until the end of September And if I’m being honest, sometimes I need time and space to breathe after being busy. So, sure, I could squeeze in coffee with a friend before church on Sunday, but if I’m being honest, I like having that time to maybe sleep in or lounge in my pajamas before church I need “me time” too. So short answer: yes, some people are truly scheduled for months out and may also need some space and margin in their life to just breathe. It’s frustrating and hard Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
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Christine WAHM as writer/editor; part-time high school teacher; wife to pharmacist DH since 7.31.2010 Lila in heaven, 8/2015 DD1 "KO" born 8/2017 DD2 GIRL born 1/2020 |
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07-26-2019, 07:08 AM | #4 |
Rose Garden
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 4,059
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Re: The reality of getting together with friends
For friends who aren't local, we normally have to schedule several months in advance, if not longer - especially for those who work shifts/irregular hours. It can be frustrating, but some of it it down to us anyway as we have children's extra-curricular activities, commitments with the wider family etc.
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07-26-2019, 07:17 AM | #5 |
Rose Garden
I am the mountain. I am not the storm and the storm is not me. -Ian Cron
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 28,913
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Re: The reality of getting together with friends
Nudge me cuz I’m the difficult To Get Together person.
But my dd is leaving for another country and We r about to drive her to the bus station in minutes . I opened this intending to answer, forgot cuz got busy and now don’t have time to answer that’s my life which contributed to this issue
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~Spring always comes after winter~ 2 Corinthians 4:16 “ Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. ” |
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07-26-2019, 07:31 AM | #6 |
Rose Garden
My kid shoots laser beams from his hands
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 21,900
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Re: The reality of getting together with friends
That’s my experience but it’s not just because people are highly scheduled it’s because when they have free time they want to spend it with their own families. When I was newly divorced the only free time I had was weekends. Everyone wanted (understandably) to be with their own family. We have quite a schedule. There definitely days that are free but they don’t often match up with friends.
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07-26-2019, 08:19 AM | #7 |
Rose Trellis
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: S. CA
Posts: 3,144
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Re: The reality of getting together with friends
Ugh...this is me and I hate it. I really think it's the stage of life we're in with three teens, but we are pretty social in general. We have a friend who just asked our family over for dinner and the first weekend evening we have free (any Fri., Sat. or Sun.) is Labor Day , (granted two of the weekends we are out of town, not just busy). I asked if we could do a weeknight and she said her family doesn't have a weeknight where they are all home....so I just dropped it and feel sad.
In answer to your question though, if it's just a girlfriend we can usually squeeze time in during the week. If it's couples, we can usually still find a weeknight evening. Our problem is usually when it involves our children.
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LAURIE (1w9, ISFJ) Married to my most favorite person (28 years) Mama to my precious: DD1 (24), married to my dearly loved son-in-law DD2 (22) DS (19) |
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07-26-2019, 08:23 AM | #8 |
Rose Garden
Immerse your soul in love.
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Victoria, BC
Posts: 17,605
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Re: The reality of getting together with friends
People are busy
I wah 50 hrs a week 3 kids, two have one activity each
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Manda Mama to: Bear 16.75 Funny and Tender. Larger than life. ENFP Max 14 Affectionate and Spirited. Artist Chickadee 8! She's Sunshine and Song. Born in the caul We have a fur baby. A cat called Charlie |
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07-26-2019, 10:50 AM | #9 |
Moderator
Assign positive intent
Join Date: Apr 2005
Posts: 9,582
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Re: The reality of getting together with friends
I'm not sure dh and I have ever been out with another couple. I'm jealous that's even an option for some of you, even with a 2 month wait!
I can usually squeeze in coffee with a friend within 1-2 weeks. I have a friend who lives an hour away and we try to get together with our kids once a year. She has 4. I have only 2-3 who would want to get together. It takes us months sometimes to find a day that works. Our teens are so busy with jobs and sports and school and she reserves weekends for time with daddy. So it's hard. Sent from my Pixel 3a using Tapatalk ---------- Post added at 12:50 PM ---------- Previous post was at 12:48 PM ---------- I instant message one friend almost every day and sometimes it's kind of a running chat all day. That helps me! With another friend, I do the meet for coffee thing. She's got littles so chatting via text isn't ideal for her. Sent from my Pixel 3a using Tapatalk
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Desiree, mom to 5 sweet blessings, Lacy 24, Jordan 22, Joanna 20, Emma 19, and Ethan 17 |
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07-26-2019, 11:06 AM | #10 |
Deactivated
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: UK
Posts: 7,781
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Re: The reality of getting together with friends
Its not that crazy with the people I know. We plan anything from a few days to a month ahead but usually only a,week ahead.
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