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Unprepared for Parenting (Ezzos, Pearls, Etc.) *Public* Support and information for those affected by the Ezzos, the Pearls, and other punitive and adversarial methods of child-rearing.
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23. No posts harshly dissecting parenting moments of others since we desire to humbly cultivate a heart attitude of grace and not judgment towards other mamas. We all struggle at times as parents and have much to learn, and GCM's focus is to provide tools and information for each of us to parent more effectively. Posts voicing some frustration regarding choices made by others can be okay, but it needs to be within the overall context of seeking understanding or ideas for better responses in the future.

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Old 07-28-2019, 07:21 PM   #1
kiloyd
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Default Ugh! Friend posted on FB she is using the Ferber method to sleep train her baby.

Baby is about 10 months.

I have to say something!
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Old 07-28-2019, 07:30 PM   #2
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Default Re: Ugh! Friend posted on FB she is using the Ferber method to sleep train her baby.

I might say something like "yeah, it gets so exhausting sometimes with little ones. I ended up cosleeping rather than sleep training. let me know if you go this way instead and I'll share my favorite safety resources with you."
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Old 07-28-2019, 07:41 PM   #3
kiloyd
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Default Re: Ugh! Friend posted on FB she is using the Ferber method to sleep train her baby.

I said that I had some well meaning friends push me to do that when my youngest was about a year. That I fell asleep for 20 minutes outside his door and when I went in and got him he was still crying and he wrapped his arms around my neck and I told him I'd never leave him to cry alone again. That it went against my mother instincts.

Poor baby. Mom said she cried for 56 minutes.
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Old 07-28-2019, 07:41 PM   #4
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Default Re: Ugh! Friend posted on FB she is using the Ferber method to sleep train her baby.

Here is a good resource.
http://www.drmomma.org/2009/12/train...ld-go.html?m=1

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Old 07-28-2019, 08:31 PM   #5
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Default Ugh! Friend posted on FB she is using the Ferber method to sleep train her baby.

Whatever you say, my experience has been that moms are usually more open to advice if itís given in a private message instead of on their wall/status You probably already know this

Itís so sad to hear about our friends making decisions like that My best friend sleep trained her baby, and it was heartbreaking to me


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Old 07-29-2019, 06:10 AM   #6
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Default Re: Ugh! Friend posted on FB she is using the Ferber method to sleep train her baby.

It has always been odd to me that most people find the silence of orphanages horrifying, yet do the same to their own child.
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Old 07-29-2019, 12:05 PM   #7
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Default Re: Ugh! Friend posted on FB she is using the Ferber method to sleep train her baby.

Iím sorry. I havenít really had any luck convincing people otherwise, but hopefully you will.
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Old 07-29-2019, 01:20 PM   #8
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Default Re: Ugh! Friend posted on FB she is using the Ferber method to sleep train her baby.

Yeah, I guess I participate in the conversations hoping to just let them know there are options but mostly so others who aren't at that point yet will know there are options once they have babies who have night needs beyond social expectations.
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Old 07-29-2019, 03:36 PM   #9
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Default Re: Ugh! Friend posted on FB she is using the Ferber method to sleep train her baby.

Quote:
Originally Posted by MudPies View Post
It has always been odd to me that most people find the silence of orphanages horrifying, yet do the same to their own child.
So true! Probably because their child gets love and cuddles during the daytime.

---------- Post added at 10:36 PM ---------- Previous post was at 10:28 PM ----------

Quote:
Originally Posted by Aerynne View Post
Iím sorry. I havenít really had any luck convincing people otherwise, but hopefully you will.
I'm not a debater at all. So just put that paragraph about my experience. She had several others say something positive about it.
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Old 07-30-2019, 04:56 PM   #10
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Default Re: Ugh! Friend posted on FB she is using the Ferber method to sleep train her baby.

Quote:
Originally Posted by MudPies View Post
It has always been odd to me that most people find the silence of orphanages horrifying, yet do the same to their own child.
There is a great article about that, written by a couple that went to a foreign orphanage to pick up the child they were about to adopt. I tried to search for it but couldn't find it. Are you familiar with it? I thought it was called "the loudest silence" but that turned up a band or something . . .
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Old 07-30-2019, 05:21 PM   #11
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Default Re: Ugh! Friend posted on FB she is using the Ferber method to sleep train her baby.

Quote not working. . . Iím sorry. I havenít really had any luck convincing people otherwise, but hopefully you will.


Maybe not directly . . .butno "one" person convinced to not CIO. No "one" person convinced us not to circumcise. Etc. Etc.



Just as no "one" person witnessed to me which eventually led me to be saved at age 30.


It's about cracks and culture.



On the flip side, not saying anything reinforces.



Now, I say that and I am an avid avoider of anything not keeping up with friends on facebook. But I don't check it daily and hide most of my friends due to time constraints.
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Old 07-30-2019, 06:23 PM   #12
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Default Re: Ugh! Friend posted on FB she is using the Ferber method to sleep train her baby.

Quote:
Originally Posted by twoplustwo View Post
Quote not working. . . Iím sorry. I havenít really had any luck convincing people otherwise, but hopefully you will.


Maybe not directly . . .butno "one" person convinced to not CIO. No "one" person convinced us not to circumcise. Etc. Etc.



Just as no "one" person witnessed to me which eventually led me to be saved at age 30.


It's about cracks and culture.



On the flip side, not saying anything reinforces.



Now, I say that and I am an avid avoider of anything not keeping up with friends on facebook. But I don't check it daily and hide most of my friends due to time constraints.

Thatís true. I just speak up for babies and kids and hope it helps someone.
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Old 07-31-2019, 06:49 AM   #13
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Default Re: Ugh! Friend posted on FB she is using the Ferber method to sleep train her baby.

Quote:
Originally Posted by kiloyd View Post
I said that I had some well meaning friends push me to do that when my youngest was about a year. That I fell asleep for 20 minutes outside his door and when I went in and got him he was still crying and he wrapped his arms around my neck and I told him I'd never leave him to cry alone again. That it went against my mother instincts.

Poor baby. Mom said she cried for 56 minutes.

What you said was good! It was right from your heart.
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Old 07-31-2019, 11:49 AM   #14
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Default Re: Ugh! Friend posted on FB she is using the Ferber method to sleep train her baby.

I unfollowed her so I didn't have to see the daily updates.

---------- Post added at 06:49 PM ---------- Previous post was at 06:48 PM ----------

Quote:
Originally Posted by MariJo7 View Post
What you said was good! It was right from your heart.
Thank you. I didn't want to say "don't do it, it's so sad for baby", but something from my experience.
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Old 07-31-2019, 11:59 AM   #15
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Default Re: Ugh! Friend posted on FB she is using the Ferber method to sleep train her baby.

Quote:
Originally Posted by kiloyd View Post
I unfollowed her so I didn't have to see the daily updates.

---------- Post added at 06:49 PM ---------- Previous post was at 06:48 PM ----------



Thank you. I didn't want to say "don't do it, it's so sad for baby", but something from my experience.
Maybe if you check back in a few week s youíll find she gave up. But not seeing daily updates seems smart.

I never thought of cio as like half the orphanage silence, but it makes sense, especially for those who ignore them for 12 hours- half their childhood!
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