I have no idea what im doing...

MrsPope86 · 12-08-2014, 08:36 PM

I have no idea what I'm doing. Parenting is HARD! Parenting consciously and gently is a heavy load some days. I have questions for this forum - Oh so many questions! - But I don't even know half the time where to start. I have an almost-3 yr old and he's strong-willed (a great thing if channelled properly) and he's getting very hard to reason with. I'm just feeling the weight of parenting on my shoulders and I'm overwhelmed because I feel alone in it. Any advice I seek ends with "Just spank him" and that's not helpful at all. Sorry for the rant. I'm done for now

kiloyd · 12-08-2014, 09:01 PM

Yes, it is hard! You have come to a good place.

Post examples and we can give ideas.

Aerynne · 12-08-2014, 09:04 PM

Have you read How to Talk so Kids will Listen and Listen so Kids will Talk? That is a great start! Also Simplicity Parenting. I got both of those from my library- perhaps yours has them as well.

rcsmom · 12-09-2014, 05:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MrsPope86

I have no idea what I'm doing. Parenting is HARD! Parenting consciously and gently is a heavy load some days. I have questions for this forum - Oh so many questions! - But I don't even know half the time where to start. I have an almost-3 yr old and he's strong-willed (a great thing if channelled properly) and he's getting very hard to reason with. I'm just feeling the weight of parenting on my shoulders and I'm overwhelmed because I feel alone in it. Any advice I seek ends with "Just spank him" and that's not helpful at all. Sorry for the rant. I'm done for now

Yes!!! It is hard.

I have a very intense 5 year old and most days I feel like I am walking up hill through two feet of snow. It is very much worth it however when you start to see some of the fruit of what you are doing- not much yet but a glimpse here or there that can give you hope.

Saoirse · 12-09-2014, 05:18 AM

I think, at that age, the hardest thing for me was to go through the paradigm shift of expecting to tell my 3 year old to do something and them "obeying" to me helping my 3 year old do something and not think that was a bad thing. I had to learn that making it happen was not a bad thing. For instance, I would tell my then 3 year to put his shoes on. He would not do it. Instead of getting angry at him for not doing it, I simply said, "Here. I will help you put your shoes on." It then graduated to "Would you like to put your shoes on or would you like me to help you?" Eventually they mature into doing it themselves. It just takes tons of time and patience.

Like kiloyd said, if you give examples, we can help you out!

twoplustwo · 12-09-2014, 06:00 AM

Very hard.

I kept trying and while still not quite there, I am sooo much better at it.

HomeWithMyBabies · 12-09-2014, 07:27 AM

There are lots of helpful stickies you can browse here : http://www.gentlechristianmothers.co...d.php?t=438155

It might help to pick one issue and focus on that. Don't worry about doing everything right or having all the answers. Ask away!

bentlaj11 · 12-09-2014, 08:53 AM

I read from some wise Mamas' on here that 3 is the make or break age for grace-based discipline! It's a very trying age

This sticky is a great read, too http://www.gentlechristianmothers.co...d.php?t=200017

I also, really enjoyed reading Ames and Ilg's "Your Three year-old". They have a whole series of age appropriate development. It's not a great resource for disciplining, but it's great for knowing that your 3 yr old is doing very normal things, and isn't an alien life form

kiloyd · 12-09-2014, 07:37 PM

Yes! The Ames and Ilg books are very helpful! So his "How to Talk..."

And we get new chances to be gentle every day. If you mess up, there is always tomorrow. I still have a ways to go but have come sooo far over the years.

WanderingJuniper · 12-10-2014, 09:03 AM

Parenting is hard. Parenting a 3 yo is a special kind of hard. Even if its just one example at a time we're here to help.

If you are a reader the most helpful book for me parenting my 3 spirited children although all in ygeiro won different way was "Raising your spirited child." I believe that was what it was called.

marbles · 12-12-2014, 03:40 PM

I think all parents at some point feel like we are walking around in the dark. That's why parenting manuals are so popular, they are certain and sure. I agree with HomeWithMyBabies, don't try to get everything perfect. Choose one area that you are struggling with and work on that. Sometimes, a realization about one issue starts a domino effect and other things become more clear.

kindundmama · 12-15-2014, 01:55 PM

I posted with tons of posts detailing my temper, frustration, and angry reactions to my children's simple developmental things. I had read many parenting manuals. Nothing clicked. But I am determined not to parent the way I was raised. I know better. So, I try everyday and I still don't know what I am doing--right there with you. I have a 3 yr. old and a soon-to-be 5 yr old. But I just want to reassure you that after coming here and posting my brutally honest examples, I received compassion and advice. I also picked up a parenting manual that makes sense to me because it deals with solutions in lieu of spanking. Positive Discipline with Preschoolers. Excellent book. I like it and am developing a study--one topic at a time. And I have learned to hone down my expectations a lot. Just because I told my 3 yr old to do something 6 times doesn't mean he'll remember it the 7th time. Sigh! The parenting thing is the hardest thing I've ever done and it's getting harder as the kids get older.

---------- Post added at 12:55 PM ---------- Previous post was at 12:51 PM ----------

Quote:

Originally Posted by WanderingJuniper

Parenting is hard. Parenting a 3 yo is a special kind of hard. Even if its just one example at a time we're here to help.

If you are a reader the most helpful book for me parenting my 3 spirited children although all in ygeiro won different way was "Raising your spirited child." I believe that was what it was called.

I almost got this book but realized I was "misdiagnosing" my DS. He was not spirited (read: difficult); I was reacting the wrong way. I had to take a step back and re-evaluate my own actions before I labelled him strong-willed or spirited. Nothing wrong with that, just not my DS.

Soliloquy · 12-15-2014, 02:17 PM

My best advice is don't try to reason with a 3-year-old.

That comes around age 5. Even at age 5, they're still learning to reason. Most adults have trouble reconciling logic with their emotional wants.

You're the mom. Do your best to understand his needs (3 is still VERY young) and the development of toddlers. Make the best decisions you can and stand your ground in a kind and loving way. The example of putting on shoes is perfect. If it's time to put shoes on, it's time to put shoes on. You can yell and argue or you can just put his shoes on (if he refuses) and then he learns that what mama says WILL happen. Choices are great when there really is a choice. Do you want peanut butter or turkey in your sandwich? Do you want to do a puzzle or read a book? But things like time to clean up or get in the car--just make it happen with a hug and a smile.

He is ready for some predictability to his day. That often helps.

12-08-2014, 08:36 PM	#1
MrsPope86 Seedling Rose Creating a little corner of paradise called 'Home' Join Date: May 2013 Location: Kansas City MO Posts: 26	I have no idea what im doing... I have no idea what I'm doing. Parenting is HARD! Parenting consciously and gently is a heavy load some days. I have questions for this forum - Oh so many questions! - But I don't even know half the time where to start. I have an almost-3 yr old and he's strong-willed (a great thing if channelled properly) and he's getting very hard to reason with. I'm just feeling the weight of parenting on my shoulders and I'm overwhelmed because I feel alone in it. Any advice I seek ends with "Just spank him" and that's not helpful at all. Sorry for the rant. I'm done for now

12-08-2014, 09:01 PM	#2
kiloyd Rose Garden Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: South Carolina Posts: 16,108	Re: I have no idea what im doing... Yes, it is hard! You have come to a good place. Post examples and we can give ideas. __________________ k-i-loyd, not kill loyd ISFJ/P Katherine, married 8-9-97 ds1 22 (adding a dil in August!) dd1 18 dd2 16 ds2 10

12-08-2014, 09:04 PM	#3
Aerynne Rose Garden Join Date: Jun 2005 Posts: 27,359	Re: I have no idea what im doing... Have you read How to Talk so Kids will Listen and Listen so Kids will Talk? That is a great start! Also Simplicity Parenting. I got both of those from my library- perhaps yours has them as well. __________________ Erin born of water and of the Spirit 4/96 married 5/02 Mama to: 2004 2007 2010 2012 2017 2019 Jan 2, 2024 And many I hope to hold in heaven one day

12-09-2014, 05:18 AM	#5
Saoirse Rose Garden Coming out into the Light! Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 5,307	Re: I have no idea what im doing... I think, at that age, the hardest thing for me was to go through the paradigm shift of expecting to tell my 3 year old to do something and them "obeying" to me helping my 3 year old do something and not think that was a bad thing. I had to learn that making it happen was not a bad thing. For instance, I would tell my then 3 year to put his shoes on. He would not do it. Instead of getting angry at him for not doing it, I simply said, "Here. I will help you put your shoes on." It then graduated to "Would you like to put your shoes on or would you like me to help you?" Eventually they mature into doing it themselves. It just takes tons of time and patience. Like kiloyd said, if you give examples, we can help you out! __________________ Pam - MOM to three amazing kids!!! "A victim lives in fear. A Survivor endures. A victim is weak and powerless, paying for what was not her doing. A Survivor has grown strong because she knows the price is not hers to pay, the sin is not hers to atone." - unknown Alis volat propriis SingleFabulousMamas unite!

12-09-2014, 06:00 AM	#6
twoplustwo Moderator Join Date: Feb 2012 Posts: 6,531	Re: I have no idea what im doing... Very hard. I kept trying and while still not quite there, I am sooo much better at it. __________________ ESFJ DYT 3/2, Enneagram 9w8 married to My Guy (2003) mom to: Cherished (dd, 12/2005) Warrior (ds, 07/2007) saved & baptized (2004) Simon Peter answered, “You are the Messiah, the Son of the living God.” Matthew 16:16

12-09-2014, 07:27 AM	#7
HomeWithMyBabies Rose Garden Join Date: Oct 2005 Posts: 24,062	Re: I have no idea what im doing... There are lots of helpful stickies you can browse here : http://www.gentlechristianmothers.co...d.php?t=438155 It might help to pick one issue and focus on that. Don't worry about doing everything right or having all the answers. Ask away!

12-09-2014, 08:53 AM	#8
bentlaj11 Rose Trellis Join Date: May 2012 Location: Oklahoma Posts: 2,247	Re: I have no idea what im doing... I read from some wise Mamas' on here that 3 is the make or break age for grace-based discipline! It's a very trying age This sticky is a great read, too http://www.gentlechristianmothers.co...d.php?t=200017 I also, really enjoyed reading Ames and Ilg's "Your Three year-old". They have a whole series of age appropriate development. It's not a great resource for disciplining, but it's great for knowing that your 3 yr old is doing very normal things, and isn't an alien life form __________________ Amber.... Wife to JA (12/07) Mama to Bug (11/09), Little Critter (1/12) and C3PO (7/14)! InFpType 2/3(?)

12-09-2014, 07:37 PM	#9
kiloyd Rose Garden Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: South Carolina Posts: 16,108	Re: I have no idea what im doing... Yes! The Ames and Ilg books are very helpful! So his "How to Talk..." And we get new chances to be gentle every day. If you mess up, there is always tomorrow. I still have a ways to go but have come sooo far over the years. __________________ k-i-loyd, not kill loyd ISFJ/P Katherine, married 8-9-97 ds1 22 (adding a dil in August!) dd1 18 dd2 16 ds2 10

12-10-2014, 09:03 AM	#10
WanderingJuniper Rose Garden Join Date: Mar 2007 Posts: 10,819	Re: I have no idea what im doing... Parenting is hard. Parenting a 3 yo is a special kind of hard. Even if its just one example at a time we're here to help. If you are a reader the most helpful book for me parenting my 3 spirited children although all in ygeiro won different way was "Raising your spirited child." I believe that was what it was called.

12-12-2014, 03:40 PM	#11
marbles Rose Garden Our Family Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: South Carolina Posts: 5,047	Re: I have no idea what im doing... I think all parents at some point feel like we are walking around in the dark. That's why parenting manuals are so popular, they are certain and sure. I agree with HomeWithMyBabies, don't try to get everything perfect. Choose one area that you are struggling with and work on that. Sometimes, a realization about one issue starts a domino effect and other things become more clear. __________________ Mary K wife to Daniel for 16 years mom to 13 year old the Girl and 11 year old the Boy and 8 year old Tiny Almost always posting from my phone.

12-15-2014, 02:17 PM	#13
Soliloquy Rose Garden Why climb a mountain? Because it's there! Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Selkirk Mountains Posts: 52,860	Re: I have no idea what im doing... My best advice is don't try to reason with a 3-year-old. That comes around age 5. Even at age 5, they're still learning to reason. Most adults have trouble reconciling logic with their emotional wants. You're the mom. Do your best to understand his needs (3 is still VERY young) and the development of toddlers. Make the best decisions you can and stand your ground in a kind and loving way. The example of putting on shoes is perfect. If it's time to put shoes on, it's time to put shoes on. You can yell and argue or you can just put his shoes on (if he refuses) and then he learns that what mama says WILL happen. Choices are great when there really is a choice. Do you want peanut butter or turkey in your sandwich? Do you want to do a puzzle or read a book? But things like time to clean up or get in the car--just make it happen with a hug and a smile. He is ready for some predictability to his day. That often helps. Last edited by Soliloquy; 12-15-2014 at 02:19 PM.

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