Family Ridiculousness

wildswede · 11-30-2014, 09:14 PM

I really just need to vent, so I apologize in advance. Yet another family get together in which "grown ups" had tantrums; I'm trying to keep the peace and show up to these things and do my part, but it gets harder and harder. I wound up hiding in another room with my son, nephew, and niece--- their step father stalked away from the table and refused to eat with everyone else because the children were acting like children (being a bit noisy, talking among themselves, and he felt the need to inject himself at the "kid" table to "supervise"). I wound up telling him to knock off the threats to smack the kids after he told my son not to worry about what his cousin was doing, he would just hit him if he didn't quit. Yeah, don't say crap like that to my kid. This man is lecturing my nephew about saying something like, "gonna punch 'em in the face" while the boys were playing a super hero game and had to brag to the other adults afterward that he'd threatened to slap him if he said it again---- uh, isn't that what you were telling him not to *talk* about, and you are threatening to *do* it?! I don't like the "going to punch you" talk either, and DS and I have many talks about how that might make other people scared or feel bad even if you are just playing. Then there was the bad mouthing my youngest sister after she left, because our other sis had "slaved all day" to make the meal (mind you, she was asked many, many times what needed done and refused any help) and youngest sis left without cleaning the whole thing up--- no one asked her to help, she has stayed to help before and has no issue with it. I cannot stand this, someone always has to be the "black sheep" basically, and at any point in time for random thing you did or didn't do it could be you. It makes me physically ill to trip over myself trying to do the right things in the right ways or else I'll be the ungrateful, hateful one--- again, it's happened before. My son loves his grandma though and his cousins, and I'm between two tough places, I don't have good friends, we don't see other people except me at work and him at daycare. I just don't know how much more family manipulation and outright violence I can handle.

rjy9343 · 11-30-2014, 09:23 PM

There is no easy solution to this.

staceylayne · 11-30-2014, 11:40 PM

Ugh. I'm so sorry.

Family drama is a beating.

Vent away.

MariJo7 · 12-01-2014, 02:56 AM

Sounds hard! If I were in the same position, I might visit Grandmother some other time together with my own kids put stay away from these kind of family gatherings. But I don't know if this is a realistic advice in your situation.

Perhaps everyone in your family is worth visiting, but when they are all together, it has some accumulating effect that sounds very stressful. It is good for the kids to se their cousins, but perhaps that should happen in another context than this.

WanderingJuniper · 12-01-2014, 06:30 AM

That sounds so difficult. Are you looking for helpful ways to navigate family situations in the future or just wanting to get it out of your system so you can move on?

Aerynne · 12-01-2014, 06:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MariJo7

Sounds hard! If I were in the same position, I might visit Grandmother some other time together with my own kids put stay away from these kind of family gatherings. But I don't know if this is a realistic advice in your situation.

Perhaps everyone in your family is worth visiting, but when they are all together, it has some accumulating effect that sounds very stressful. It is good for the kids to se their cousins, but perhaps that should happen in another context than this.

This is what I was going to say. Skip family drama holidays and go take Gma to lunch or gather all the cousins at your house to make gingerbread houses together.

sunflowermom · 12-02-2014, 09:11 PM

Family situations can be so hard.

I'm glad the kiddos have a safe adult with you around.

marbles · 12-04-2014, 03:14 AM

Yikes, I'm sorry. My sister's family is a big ball of chaos and stress, I dread getting together with them because of the emotional clean-up afterwards. I don't have a solution, though, I'm trying to keep the peace just as you are it seems. Yours is on a grander scale, though, it sounds like. What if you were "late" to these things?

jenny_islander · 12-11-2014, 12:25 AM

If you can stay home and out of sight the day before, come down with a 24-hour bug. Oh, it's awful stuff. So sick. You don't want it, honest.

Normally I don't favor lying, but if you're facing a script that requires a bad guy and you've been assigned the part...

sothisislove · 12-20-2014, 11:28 PM

This time of year doesn't always bring out the best! Ugh...

mamacat · 12-21-2014, 07:09 AM

I think one thing to remember is tho you dont have to accept the behavior we all need to have grace for that kind of mindset because,after all, it has been the only way he nows for so many years. Sometimes a kind word really does turn away wrath so if you can say it so he doesnt feel attacked maybe he would back off? Maybe not

Like oh c'mon dad they are being kids very sweetly.And then modelling what you would say to them.Hey guys it is a loving family time here no more talk of people hitting or smacking!

Little Forest · 12-21-2014, 08:25 AM

I really would not be a part of that, family or not.

Posted via Mobile Device

mamacat · 12-21-2014, 09:21 AM

If you want to try and make it better would try different answers and then let him go cool down someplace if he needs to w/o the rest of you engaging in the whole thing.your response can set the mood. if you dont want to deal with it would as others have said just not be a part of the events where that happens.Do you go and visit and stay with these people during holidays? or are they close enough that it is a there for an evening type thing.would limit time with the stepdad and do other times with the others as people have said and have a main dinner at home just the family.My grown son and his son and mama of son do this for holiday meals.They just love the 3 of them being cozy at home together and we see them at other times during holiday

ModestMama · 07-12-2015, 04:33 AM

I know how you feel. I have had a similar situations in family gatherings. We always go to my grandparents house every year for a get -together and I decided that we won't be doing that anymore.
Here's what happened:
I was standing in line at the food pouring myself a drink and then my dad (who was sitting) asked me to pour him one. My cousin and her mom were next in line and i looked up to see my cousin giving her mom and very hard " Can she GO any slower!" look. On top of that none of my other family (my cousins and my uncle and their spouses) act stuck up and won't even have a conversation with me or my family. This isn't the only situation, there have been others. This particular group of family or the only ones that I don't usually see until this family gathering. Most everyone else we see frequent.
So we won't be going back anymore. We visit my grandparents frequently anyway.

2sunshines · 07-12-2015, 11:49 AM

Family drama is so difficult. Even moreso when adults have childlike temper tantrums.

we've so been there...

11-30-2014, 09:14 PM	#1
wildswede Rose Blossom Join Date: May 2013 Posts: 133	Family Ridiculousness I really just need to vent, so I apologize in advance. Yet another family get together in which "grown ups" had tantrums; I'm trying to keep the peace and show up to these things and do my part, but it gets harder and harder. I wound up hiding in another room with my son, nephew, and niece--- their step father stalked away from the table and refused to eat with everyone else because the children were acting like children (being a bit noisy, talking among themselves, and he felt the need to inject himself at the "kid" table to "supervise"). I wound up telling him to knock off the threats to smack the kids after he told my son not to worry about what his cousin was doing, he would just hit him if he didn't quit. Yeah, don't say crap like that to my kid. This man is lecturing my nephew about saying something like, "gonna punch 'em in the face" while the boys were playing a super hero game and had to brag to the other adults afterward that he'd threatened to slap him if he said it again---- uh, isn't that what you were telling him not to talk about, and you are threatening to do it?! I don't like the "going to punch you" talk either, and DS and I have many talks about how that might make other people scared or feel bad even if you are just playing. Then there was the bad mouthing my youngest sister after she left, because our other sis had "slaved all day" to make the meal (mind you, she was asked many, many times what needed done and refused any help) and youngest sis left without cleaning the whole thing up--- no one asked her to help, she has stayed to help before and has no issue with it. I cannot stand this, someone always has to be the "black sheep" basically, and at any point in time for random thing you did or didn't do it could be you. It makes me physically ill to trip over myself trying to do the right things in the right ways or else I'll be the ungrateful, hateful one--- again, it's happened before. My son loves his grandma though and his cousins, and I'm between two tough places, I don't have good friends, we don't see other people except me at work and him at daycare. I just don't know how much more family manipulation and outright violence I can handle.

11-30-2014, 09:23 PM	#2
rjy9343 Rose Garden Join Date: Dec 2010 Location: Northern Virginia Posts: 10,090	Re: Family Ridiculousness There is no easy solution to this. __________________ Rita s IstJ Wife to my brilliant geek James iNtJ since 4/08 Mom to our angel boy Jay 5/08 our quirky miracle DD Ivy 6/10 mellow miracle DS Jacob 7/15 Often Please forgive my frequent typos Standing firmly on Team Lioness!!! Roar!!! I am ready for people to know I am a GCM find me on Facebook

11-30-2014, 11:40 PM	#3
staceylayne Rose Garden Hopeful. Join Date: May 2011 Location: Dallas (ish) Posts: 3,596	Re: Family Ridiculousness Ugh. I'm so sorry. Family drama is a beating. Vent away. __________________ Married in 2003 to my favorite person in the wide world Joyful momma to: B - 7.5, my pensive planner D - 5.5, my spunky sunshine C - 3.5, my cuddly cutie And baby girl A, born April 28! Why, yes, I am ENFP But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, reasonable, full of mercy and good fruits, unwavering, without hypocrisy. And the seed whose fruit is righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace. James 3:17-18

12-01-2014, 02:56 AM	#4
MariJo7 Rose Trellis Join Date: Sep 2014 Posts: 2,065	Re: Family Ridiculousness Sounds hard! If I were in the same position, I might visit Grandmother some other time together with my own kids put stay away from these kind of family gatherings. But I don't know if this is a realistic advice in your situation. Perhaps everyone in your family is worth visiting, but when they are all together, it has some accumulating effect that sounds very stressful. It is good for the kids to se their cousins, but perhaps that should happen in another context than this.

12-01-2014, 06:30 AM	#5
WanderingJuniper Rose Garden Join Date: Mar 2007 Posts: 10,819	Re: Family Ridiculousness That sounds so difficult. Are you looking for helpful ways to navigate family situations in the future or just wanting to get it out of your system so you can move on?

12-02-2014, 09:11 PM	#7
sunflowermom Rose Garden Join Date: Sep 2012 Location: Oregon Posts: 3,579	Re: Family Ridiculousness Family situations can be so hard. I'm glad the kiddos have a safe adult with you around. __________________ Mae Married my DH in 2/2008 Gave birth my DS 3/2012

12-04-2014, 03:14 AM	#8
marbles Rose Garden Our Family Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: South Carolina Posts: 5,047	Re: Family Ridiculousness Yikes, I'm sorry. My sister's family is a big ball of chaos and stress, I dread getting together with them because of the emotional clean-up afterwards. I don't have a solution, though, I'm trying to keep the peace just as you are it seems. Yours is on a grander scale, though, it sounds like. What if you were "late" to these things? __________________ Mary K wife to Daniel for 16 years mom to 13 year old the Girl and 11 year old the Boy and 8 year old Tiny Almost always posting from my phone.

12-11-2014, 12:25 AM	#9
jenny_islander Rose Trellis Join Date: Mar 2007 Posts: 3,362	Re: Family Ridiculousness If you can stay home and out of sight the day before, come down with a 24-hour bug. Oh, it's awful stuff. So sick. You don't want it, honest. Normally I don't favor lying, but if you're facing a script that requires a bad guy and you've been assigned the part... __________________ Wife to John, December 18, 1999 ~ Mother to Sophia, March 13, 2004 ~ Mother to Eva, June 10, 2006 ~ Mother to Matthew, December 21, 2009 ~ Though my father and mother forsake me, the Lord will lift me up.

12-20-2014, 11:28 PM	#10
sothisislove Rose Blossom Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 196	Re: Family Ridiculousness This time of year doesn't always bring out the best! Ugh... __________________ Married to DH since 2005. DS 4/27/2007 DD 12/14/2009 DD 11/12/2011 Homeschooling!

12-21-2014, 07:09 AM	#11
mamacat Rose Garden Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 26,473	Re: Family Ridiculousness I think one thing to remember is tho you dont have to accept the behavior we all need to have grace for that kind of mindset because,after all, it has been the only way he nows for so many years. Sometimes a kind word really does turn away wrath so if you can say it so he doesnt feel attacked maybe he would back off? Maybe not Like oh c'mon dad they are being kids very sweetly.And then modelling what you would say to them.Hey guys it is a loving family time here no more talk of people hitting or smacking! __________________ ~Catherine~ Mama to 5: C W C J S And Grandma to 3: A ,K and baby C

12-21-2014, 08:25 AM	#12
Little Forest Rose Garden Rich in girls. Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Perth hills, Australia Posts: 6,915	Re: Family Ridiculousness I really would not be a part of that, family or not. Posted via Mobile Device

12-21-2014, 09:21 AM	#13
mamacat Rose Garden Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 26,473	Re: Family Ridiculousness If you want to try and make it better would try different answers and then let him go cool down someplace if he needs to w/o the rest of you engaging in the whole thing.your response can set the mood. if you dont want to deal with it would as others have said just not be a part of the events where that happens.Do you go and visit and stay with these people during holidays? or are they close enough that it is a there for an evening type thing.would limit time with the stepdad and do other times with the others as people have said and have a main dinner at home just the family.My grown son and his son and mama of son do this for holiday meals.They just love the 3 of them being cozy at home together and we see them at other times during holiday __________________ ~Catherine~ Mama to 5: C W C J S And Grandma to 3: A ,K and baby C

07-12-2015, 04:33 AM	#14
ModestMama Rosebud Join Date: Jul 2015 Posts: 67	Re: Family Ridiculousness I know how you feel. I have had a similar situations in family gatherings. We always go to my grandparents house every year for a get -together and I decided that we won't be doing that anymore. Here's what happened: I was standing in line at the food pouring myself a drink and then my dad (who was sitting) asked me to pour him one. My cousin and her mom were next in line and i looked up to see my cousin giving her mom and very hard " Can she GO any slower!" look. On top of that none of my other family (my cousins and my uncle and their spouses) act stuck up and won't even have a conversation with me or my family. This isn't the only situation, there have been others. This particular group of family or the only ones that I don't usually see until this family gathering. Most everyone else we see frequent. So we won't be going back anymore. We visit my grandparents frequently anyway.

07-12-2015, 11:49 AM	#15
2sunshines Moderator in Celebrations, Cloth Diapering & EC, Empty Arms, Prayer & Praise, and Swap n' Shop Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 27,027	Re: Family Ridiculousness Family drama is so difficult. Even moreso when adults have childlike temper tantrums. we've so been there... __________________ married 25 years mom to two young adults (23 and 20) and two teens (17 and 15)

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