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03-18-2010, 09:27 PM | #181 |
Rose Garden
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 15,359
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Re: s/o parenting self-talk
Oh, ok, when *I* say it and just keep going, it eventually (I am totally not kidding) comes out to "and I'm hungry and I'm tired"...and that always makes me laugh because it's so primal and fixable.
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Marsha Learning to be a single, wohm mom to my girls Ainslee (June 10, 2002) and Riley (August 9, 2005)! |
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03-19-2010, 05:33 AM | #182 |
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Re: s/o parenting self-talk
Subbing....this has given me sooo much to think/chew over and I want to come back for more.
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03-19-2010, 07:16 AM | #183 | |
Rose Garden
She's a good girl, loves her Mama, loves Jesus, and Kentucky too
Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 7,873
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Re: s/o parenting self-talk
Quote:
Does anyone else find it very sad that so many of us are dealing with this?
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03-19-2010, 11:44 AM | #184 | |
Rose Garden
Blissed out in the January sun
Join Date: Jul 2008
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Re: s/o parenting self-talk
Quote:
keep on: "... and now that i said this, i feel like such a pathetic weakling and very angry. and i understand that this is not healthy, and i am safe in this place to be weak, people around me will love me when i am weak, God loves me in my weakness" .... i love the song that says: "all my weaknesses made perfect in his unending love" and i didn't at all wanted to give you an impression that someone has to be my level of screwed-uppedness to experience these things certainly, being raised by Dobson, and subtle emotional/spiritual abuse, all that is more than enough to create such response
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~I r e n e~
sweet and sassy wife, mama, healer, part-time dragon-slayer the worst PM answerer ever my belongs to the babywearing 'Architect' Dancing with my three Magical Elves Smiles the Stampede Sugar Plump & Double Dimples Kissing each elf 1,000,000 times a day, and when there's time left tracking gnomes, singing folk songs on the porch, befriending dragonflies, and bopping sun-frosted 'fros through the dandelion fields. |
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03-19-2010, 02:42 PM | #185 | |
Rose Garden
growing every day
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: California
Posts: 4,100
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Re: s/o parenting self-talk
Quote:
"I feel like a horrible wife/mother/person because of XYZ, but XYZ doesn't define me as a wife/mother/person. I'm God's loved child who makes mistakes." Or something like that. It sounds so corny but it really does help. That is, when I remember to do it!
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Maggie Celebrating resurrection life after a heart transplant on 2/21/15! Married since 8/28/04 to a big Bear Mama to sweet & spirited Charlotte , born 9/08, determined & imaginative Zachary , born 6/12, one I'll see in heaven 10/10, and easy-going Elliott , born 4/14! |
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03-20-2010, 03:36 AM | #186 |
Rose Trellis
Go Team Lioness!
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Re: s/o parenting self-talk
We had a youth group meeting once where the leader asked us to write down our virtues and vices (I don't think that was the words he used, but you know what I mean). I think we all wrote down more vices than virtues. The leader pointed out that we have a tendency to expect near perfection of our virtues before we'll acknowledge them. That is, we won't call ourselves 'patient' unless we are almost NEVER impatient. I'm lazy unless I'm doing something useful every.single.waking.second; I'm not humble if I ever feel the least skerrick of pride; I'm not a gentle mum because I often yell at my kids... etc, etc
It can be helpful, I find, to remind myself of how much I do, how much patience I show, how I'm growing in gentleness etc. It helps me be patient with myself, which gives me a little more patience with others.
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Our blossoms: DS "Little Bear" Apr '07 - The negotiator
DD "Miss Muffett" Nov '08 "Don't tell Daddy..." DS "Mouse" Jan '12 "I Soup Baby, Man of steel! " Myth Busting over at Dare to Disciple "Believe in yourself. Trust your instincts. Unless your instincts are terrible." Vitruvius, The LEGO Movie. |
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03-23-2010, 05:48 PM | #187 | |
Rose Bouquet
I am a work in progress.
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 592
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Re: s/o parenting self-talk
Quote:
It doesn't help that I live in a basement apartment at my MIL's house, and she keeps things spotless and fancy. I think much of what she does is fussy and unnecessary, but I still often measure myself by what I think she thinks. My mom kept a rather cluttered house, but I always knew that "normal" people didn't live that way. Hello, my mom is a real person, who valued relationships over a clean house! I want to be that person. (Not that MIL doesn't value relationships, she just goes about it a different way . . . ) And my husband is very tolerant and doesn't mention my housekeeping habits often. But I know that having grown up in a perfectionist cleaner's house he would prefer things to be tidy. I don't need him to complain about it, I can use my imagination to voice his expectations. Isn't that silly? I'm making it up. I'm a perfectionist as well, but a different kind. I'm reading some of Dr. Kevin Lehman's stuff right now about parenting. He says that for a perfectionist child to be criticized often (I was) can lead to their just giving up trying. So I have these high expectations, that I'm imagining others have of me, then I have the fact that I don't feel capable of living up to them, and sometimes I get so discouraged and overwhelmed that I can't do anything. Why bother, when it won't be good enough? I also have recently realized I have fear of success, even at little things. If I have things planned so that I will be able to do an adequate job and succeed at it, my perfectionist voice comes in and says, "ooh, why don't you add this, or change that, to make it better!" and then it becomes more than I can reasonably achieve, and the task I should have succeeded at becomes a perceived failure. I did this the other night over cooking boxed mac'n'cheese and hot dogs for dinner! Had to change something in the middle of cooking, then it wasn't done on time, and poof, I felt terrible. Oh, and re-reading this, I thought, this is just the kind of thing we're trying to avoid in our kids when we refrain from praising them saying things like "good girl, you did XYZ" because they will think they are only a good girl when they do XYZ, and therefore, a bad girl when they don't. Wow, as usual, I had a lot to say . PS. I love this thread!!!
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Meg I love book recommendations! Recovering perfectionist We homeschool, cosleep, and do "extended" breastfeeding Wife to Dan since 6/04 Mama to Emmett 12/2007, ASD, SPD, just as passionate as his Mama! And Jasper 5/2011, self-appointed "ball" boy (small ) Jasper is a mix of spunk and mellowness. INTP - "I should infinitely prefer a book." - Pride and Prejudice |
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06-10-2010, 09:38 PM | #188 |
Rose Garden
The Lion Cub
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Northern Arizona
Posts: 10,798
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Re: s/o parenting self-talk
this as I need to re-read it a couple more times after an awful day today.
And I'm hoping someone else might need a reminder to do this too so I won't feel so alone.
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The Imaginative Adventurer (4.5 yo) "I'm going to rescue you!" and The Lion Cub (1 yo)- Smart, cute, strong, and unstoppable! Sister to BlessedBlue forever Co-Founder and Lead Writer at Food Allergies On Ice |
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06-11-2010, 12:13 AM | #189 |
Rose Garden
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: UK
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Re: s/o parenting self-talk
I'm looking for self-talk ideas for when they make a mess, if anyone can help me there?
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Married to Pete Mum to Rachel (15) Elizabeth (12) and Elijah (9) |
06-11-2010, 07:09 AM | #190 | |
Rose Garden
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 15,359
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Re: s/o parenting self-talk
Quote:
I am so upset that they made a mess. I feel like no one cares about me, like I am left to do everything, they get to have fun while I"m stuck with the work, no one cares that I like a clean house, I feel ignored..........." eventually you'll say something that strikes a chord with you like with me "I'm hungry and tired" .
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Marsha Learning to be a single, wohm mom to my girls Ainslee (June 10, 2002) and Riley (August 9, 2005)! |
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06-11-2010, 12:34 PM | #191 | |
Rose Garden
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Location: UK
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Re: s/o parenting self-talk
Quote:
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Married to Pete Mum to Rachel (15) Elizabeth (12) and Elijah (9) |
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06-11-2010, 03:25 PM | #192 |
Rose Garden
Standing for gentleness and honesty
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Looking for Hope
Posts: 12,027
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Re: s/o parenting self-talk
Ugh, I won't talk about how I feel right now. I'm so stressed trying to pack and I go to do one thing and have to do, sigh (A just knocked a moslty empty shelf off the bookcase) and DH just asked if there was anything besides stress in life. E keeps pulling stuff out of tubs that's packed including finding Christmas presents while I'm on the phone with the sellers, so now I can't recall who picks up the garbage, and I'll have to call back andi'll look dumb and waaaaah, will someone come pack and clean and cook supper for me?
And I've yelled at E and smacked her when she dumped the bathroom garbage complete with poopy wipes out earlier today. And she took apart my already partly broken drying rack, I swear, she's obsessed with the stupid thing, and I know she's just three. I'm just tired! I want to go hide in the bathtub, which never works because both of them insist on getting in with me and crawling on me and pushing each other and I end up madder instead of relaxed, and I'm getting mad just thinking about it. And, I don't have time to relax because I didn't get anything done. Umm, yeah. I need some good scripts. And a baby who quit pinching my nipples would be nice too.
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Maggi, Tw irler of the Umbrella of Silliness
Mama to two sweet littles and 3 angels 12/4/11 10/7/13 12/8/13 Grace is not a destination, it's a journey. I first learned to show grace to my child that was not shown to me, then I learned to accept it for myself, and only recently have I been able to have grace for others more. ~Sweetpeasmommy A |
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06-11-2010, 05:48 PM | #193 |
Rose Garden
Blissed out in the January sun
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: that perfect place :)
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Re: s/o parenting self-talk
i'm a mess today too, so i'll let someone else respond, but just hugs and sympathy
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~I r e n e~
sweet and sassy wife, mama, healer, part-time dragon-slayer the worst PM answerer ever my belongs to the babywearing 'Architect' Dancing with my three Magical Elves Smiles the Stampede Sugar Plump & Double Dimples Kissing each elf 1,000,000 times a day, and when there's time left tracking gnomes, singing folk songs on the porch, befriending dragonflies, and bopping sun-frosted 'fros through the dandelion fields. |
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06-13-2010, 08:10 PM | #194 |
Rose Garden
Some Cal/Mag will probably fix that.
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: catching up on the laundry
Posts: 41,294
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Re: s/o parenting self-talk
It's also ok to look in the mirror and say "some days suck. His love is new every morning. Great is His faithfulness"
I took a tub bath *alone* most days even when that meant that the children sat and pounded on the locked door. It's ok to have boundaries. Happy is not the only acceptable emotion. After about ten days of the mommy-alone bath routine, they get used to it.
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allisonintx Wife to Stephen Mother to Elizabeth 19, Andrew 17, Abigail 14 & Evelyn 12 Love. You can learn all the math in the 'verse, but you take a boat in the air that you don't love, she'll shake you off just as sure as the turn of the world. Love keeps her in the air when she ought to fall down. Tells you she's hurting before she keens. Makes her a home. . . . . . . . |
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03-23-2011, 03:43 PM | #195 |
Rose Garden
Standing for gentleness and honesty
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Looking for Hope
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Re: s/o parenting self-talk
I had to search for this--it still isn't stickied.
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Maggi, Tw irler of the Umbrella of Silliness
Mama to two sweet littles and 3 angels 12/4/11 10/7/13 12/8/13 Grace is not a destination, it's a journey. I first learned to show grace to my child that was not shown to me, then I learned to accept it for myself, and only recently have I been able to have grace for others more. ~Sweetpeasmommy A |
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