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Old 03-17-2010, 08:11 AM   #166
Maggirayne
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Default Re: s/o parenting self-talk

For your DH or DS?

I'm going to spin asking for appropriate responses to anger/stress. I have a hard time; I respond physically and hit my leg/chair arm/got to other room and pound on the bed, and E is starting to copy me.
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Old 03-17-2010, 08:51 AM   #167
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Default Re: s/o parenting self-talk

Quote:
Originally Posted by Maggirayne View Post
For your DH or DS?

I'm going to spin asking for appropriate responses to anger/stress. I have a hard time; I respond physically and hit my leg/chair arm/got to other room and pound on the bed, and E is starting to copy me.
I slam doors, and so do ALL 4 of my children, including the 2yo. Sigh.
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Old 03-17-2010, 09:06 AM   #168
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Default Re: s/o parenting self-talk


that was sposed to be DS. although, i've told dh to take a nap before too

i'll see if i can find that spin
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Old 03-17-2010, 09:17 AM   #169
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Default Re: s/o parenting self-talk

Yesterday was less than spectacular, including a moment when my 4yo spilled water and wet playdough all over my newly mopped floor while doing an "experiment" and I threw a broom to the floor so hard it shattered. And she ran away crying. In my head, I knew that I was too upset and too emotional and about to do something I would greatly regret - but in that moment, I couldn't find my way out

I went to her and to the 6yo who was also there and held them both and cried. Apologized for the 1000th time for not being the mother I should be.

I'm just not sure what it is about those moments. They're not all the time - 99% of the time, spilled water and wet playdough are just normal events that require towels and cleaning But yesterday? Not so much. I was working so hard to get the house clean because my husband was working 18 hours that day and I knew it would make his coming home so much more peaceful if he came home to a clean house. But that kind of all-out cleaning doesn't come naturally to me. And at 2, 4 and 6, sometimes the kids create more work even as they're trying to help.

I know that my reaction yesterday was just as bad as if I had hit one of them. It does that kind of damage, I'm sure. And I am not even sure how to self-parent my way out of it. What do you do when your mind is saying, "Stop!" but your body keeps going into anger?
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Old 03-17-2010, 03:03 PM   #170
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Default Re: s/o parenting self-talk

What do you do when your mind is saying, "Stop!" but your body keeps going into anger?[/QUOTE]

Oh do I second that. I feel like the more I try not to be punitive the more I become the angry yelling mom that I despise because I have not succeeded in learning to cope with myself. If I can't cope with myself how can I cope with my kids?
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Old 03-17-2010, 06:15 PM   #171
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Default Re: s/o parenting self-talk

When there is actually enough space between my mind and my actions, I try to move away from people- get alone however I can. Then I can remember my child's face- usually about to tear up out of fear or anger or frustration. And then my heart jumps back into play, and I can calm down. In the worst of situations, I don't get a handle on it until my body has reacted, but then I move away, and can calm down and go make amends.
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Old 03-17-2010, 10:42 PM   #172
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Default Re: s/o parenting self-talk

hugs, mamas. this is such a good conversation... hard but good

so, mamahammer: first, i wanted you to know, that professionally, when i want to ask a mother just one question, to see how she's doing, coping, etc. i ask: "If one of your kids spilled a large glass of milk on the floor right now, how would you feel and what would you do? " Some mamas just consider their answer, and their chin starts quivering, and they start crying, and that's pretty much my clue (been there myself, btw), and still more look down to hide their eyes, b/c they know they would not do anything they'd be proud of (been there a-plenty also). Situations like that just tell you a lot about how much margin you have, kwim?

WE NEED MARGIN! b/c we are mothers and milk is gonna get spilled, and messes *just* cleaned are gonna get messed up again in a second, while it took all-stinkin-day to clean, and if we don't have margin we'll end up acting a way that we'll regret later. Everyone needs margin. I get it by not answering my phone (esp. when mother calls ) by eating, a lot and often (two nurslings) by doing only one thing out of three that i am convinced i just have to do
i hope this makes sense.

i am a survivor of abuse and i know that i carry anger in my body like a bruise or a toxin or something i know what it's like to be out of control. but hey, now for my 3 yr. old who screeches like a bat and has a crazy look, i have compassion for him, b/ c i know what it's like, i know exactly what it's like. and it's harder for dh to understand him...

basically there are two types of ppl: one type can get the anger out and rid of it by physical activity, it can by just running, but it also can be punching, slapping, whatever, while processing the anger, thinking angry thoughts basically. i have never met a survivor of abuse or a current/recovering addict who was this type
and another type, who may initially feel better while getting it "out' physically, but in the end only feels worse, and may become out of control, etc. I'm def. this type.

I have to have margin... b/c even while taking myself to my room i can be out of control. i can mutter profanities, or throw something on the way, or slam the door (latter being so unsafe... have i told you about the freak accident i witnessed? )

it really helps to become vulnerable at that time. this took a long time to learn, b/c i had to keep repeating to myself that i am safe now, where i am now it is safe to be vulnerable (i have not been for the first 17 yrs of my life) so what you'd see is my getting really and then taking a deep breath, verbalizing the hurt that is under that and starting to cry.
Which is *really* helpful to ds b/c mad is scary, and sad he can understand: he messed up something i was working on, and now i'm sad, that makes perfect sense to him. Plus, sad he knows how to work with: bring mama something nice, give mama kisses, etc.
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Old 03-18-2010, 02:19 AM   #173
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Default Re: s/o parenting self-talk

Quote:
Originally Posted by belaruska View Post
i am a survivor of abuse and i know that i carry anger in my body like a bruise or a toxin or something i know what it's like to be out of control. but hey, now for my 3 yr. old who screeches like a bat and has a crazy look, i have compassion for him, b/ c i know what it's like, i know exactly what it's like. and it's harder for dh to understand him...


and another type, who may initially feel better while getting it "out' physically, but in the end only feels worse, and may become out of control, etc. I'm def. this type.
This is where it's so hard for me... THIS is exactly me but I have no reason behind it... I have never been abused in any way... there is no reason for my anger, yet it's there.... sometimes out in full sight, sometimes just under the surface, and sometimes way back where I'm the only person who knows it's there.... but it rarely ever is just not there....
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Old 03-18-2010, 10:09 AM   #174
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Default Re: s/o parenting self-talk

Quote:
Originally Posted by MomtoJGJ View Post
This is where it's so hard for me... THIS is exactly me but I have no reason behind it... I have never been abused in any way... there is no reason for my anger, yet it's there.... sometimes out in full sight, sometimes just under the surface, and sometimes way back where I'm the only person who knows it's there.... but it rarely ever is just not there....
This is me too! I was raised punitively (Dobson) and have had a lot of anger at my mom. It's there and with the right triggers, just boils! And when the smoke clears, I'm going where did that come from?

I try to verbalize, am working on expressing my emotions, "I'm angry/frustrated because you did ____." I don't say "You make me angry," or if I do, once or twice, I changed it immediately.

But saying I'm frustrated isn't enough. I don't know what I need to do/say so it helps more.

Hmm, I have posted already about the biggest cause of frustration, so I'll link to that, and I would love ideas for scripting. Thanks!
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Old 03-18-2010, 07:16 PM   #175
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Default Re: s/o parenting self-talk

as someone who has struggled consistantly with Wrath, I will share that when I feel really angry, the best thing I can do is stomp my feet, HARD, and GROWEL. It is very grounding.

Now, you can only do this if you're willing to allow stomping from your children, because they will learn it. My IL's think it's horrible that my children stomp when they're mad, but, HELLO! They learned it from me.

It is my 'healthier alternative' to hitting someone.
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Old 03-18-2010, 08:03 PM   #176
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Default Re: s/o parenting self-talk

That would be great, but I live in the second floor apt.

I remember being frustrated because I would be so incredibly upset and there was no acceptable way to express my anger. I couldn't talk, that was backtalking, couldn't stomp, that was defiance, etc, etc. So I would glare, which doesn't look nearly as fierce as I thought and stare at my mom's forehead and avoid eye contact.
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Old 03-18-2010, 08:09 PM   #177
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Default Re: s/o parenting self-talk

Thomas (6yo) said I could set his punching bag up in the living room.

I think I've realized that, for the most part, I feel most out-of-control when I'm trying hard to do things that don't come naturally to me and/or trying to do something for other people. Like, I totally expect and accept messes/interruptions/"help" from the kids when I'm cleaning the kitchen after lunch. But if I'm cleaning because my husband hates to come home to a messy house or my in-laws are coming over and will think I'm a horrible wife/mother because of my dirty house? The stress of that totally depletes my "margin," as Irene said. So, when the kids do something completely to be expected, I can't deal.
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Old 03-18-2010, 09:11 PM   #178
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Default Re: s/o parenting self-talk

Quote:
basically there are two types of ppl: one type can get the anger out and rid of it by physical activity, it can by just running, but it also can be punching, slapping, whatever, while processing the anger, thinking angry thoughts basically. i have never met a survivor of abuse or a current/recovering addict who was this type
and another type, who may initially feel better while getting it "out' physically, but in the end only feels worse, and may become out of control, etc. I'm def. this type.
Irene, wow! Thank you! You just created an ah ha! moment for me.
Quote:
it really helps to become vulnerable at that time. this took a long time to learn, b/c i had to keep repeating to myself that i am safe now, where i am now it is safe to be vulnerable (i have not been for the first 17 yrs of my life) so what you'd see is my getting really and then taking a deep breath, verbalizing the hurt that is under that and starting to cry.
Which is *really* helpful to ds b/c mad is scary, and sad he can understand: he messed up something i was working on, and now i'm sad, that makes perfect sense to him. Plus, sad he knows how to work with: bring mama something nice, give mama kisses, etc.
This is the part I'm missing! I don't know HOW to be vulnerable. I don't cry. Well, recently with CR and a miscarriage I've broken through a little of that. But it's a whole different story when I'm in the heat of the moment and angry. I don't know how to turn that to vulnerability. It's hard for me to even look past the anger and recognize that it's coming from hurt or sadness, let alone express that.
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Old 03-18-2010, 09:20 PM   #179
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Default Re: s/o parenting self-talk

Ok, seriously just start saying it : i feel angry, I feel like no one cares and people walk all over me and you keep asking for stuff when I'm tired and dont' want to get it and you aren't asking me nicely and I feel disrespected and..................

I can't say it enough. Thie has been eye opening and life changing for ME.

It doesn't have to even make you cry. It makes me laugh most of the tme, or at least feel a shared bond with my children instead of against them.
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Old 03-18-2010, 09:22 PM   #180
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Default Re: s/o parenting self-talk

Saying that stuff just makes me angry though. I feel like a victim and then I feel weak and weakness is not acceptable, so I get mad at myself for being weak and even madder at whoever I imagine to be persecuting me.
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