struggling with consequences, etc re: video games

[gr8tful1]

In general, DS is doesn't have a huge temper for a 5 1/2 year old. We HAVE noticed the disequilibrium of that age kick in...

Anyway, we have just recently started allowing him to play video games on a very limited basis (on family night, with family) and if he is with friends who are playing. When it is time to turn it off he becomes very angry to the point of aggression. And if he is with friends, he refuses to stop and eat, which further fuels his anger.

So, we have told him that because his games are causing him to not care for himself and to harm others verbally or physcially he will lose all video games for a day every time he becomes aggressive.

we are trying to gentle parent and I kept my cool when he had a MAJOR blow up yesterday (fueled by hunger and remaining steroids after an illness). But I stuck with the consequence. We talked later and I made it clear that it is not to punish him but to help him learn to take care of himself (stop and eat) and others. Is this kind of consequence okay?

For what it is worth...i absolutely regret ever letting him start playing video games...anyone thinking of going there, don't do it!!!

[HomeWithMyBabies]

Sometimes they are just not ready for a certain activity or toy, either they can't use it in a responsible way or it causes too many problems. Video games are very stimulating and it can be hard to transition when time is up.

It's totally reasonable to say, your behavior is showing me you're just not ready so we're going to put this aside for awhile and try again later.

If you want to work on teaching him how to be successful with games a visual timer might help. We have one that has a green light, then a yellow warning light, then red when it is ultimately time to turn off the game. You could try something that and see how it goes, and if there is still an issue take another break from the games.

[Aerynne]

I would absolutely not let him play anymore. If you wish you never started, then stop! You can revisit it again in a year or two, but there's no reason you have to just because you started. Just explain that he's showing you by his behavior that you made a mistake in allowing him to play video games and when he is older you can try again.

[sunflowermom]

I love the idea of a visual timer, what is the name of yours and how can I get one or something similar?

[Soliloquy]

I'd love to know about the timer, too. I can think of many uses for it.

---------- Post added at 02:20 PM ---------- Previous post was at 02:19 PM ----------

ETA I think you're doing the right thing, OP. It can happen with anything, not just video games. You give it a try and realize they're not ready yet.

[HomeWithMyBabies]

Originally Posted by sunflowermom

I love the idea of a visual timer, what is the name of yours and how can I get one or something similar?

We have a Time Tracker Mini. It has up to two hours of "green light" and you can set it to switch to the yellow light at any point, in increments of five minutes. Or you can skip the yellow light if you choose but I find it very helpful. It also has a brief noise when it changes over, but there is volume control.

[ExLibrisMama]

Originally Posted by HomeWithMyBabies

Sometimes they are just not ready for a certain activity or toy, either they can't use it in a responsible way or it causes too many problems. Video games are very stimulating and it can be hard to transition when time is up.

It's totally reasonable to say, your behavior is showing me you're just not ready so we're going to put this aside for awhile and try again later.

If you want to work on teaching him how to be successful with games a visual timer might help. We have one that has a green light, then a yellow warning light, then red when it is ultimately time to turn off the game. You could try something that and see how it goes, and if there is still an issue take another break from the games.

Couldn't agree more! I think video games are designed to get adults addicted (especially men, IMO!) so that effect is even stronger on children.

Ultimately, even if he thinks you're mean for doing it, it might be the right choice to step back from games for a while if all else does not work.

I love the idea of the visual timer, though.