My son is listening to music of the devil

[tempus vernum]

I was raised in a dance studio .. Yes I was there more than home. My parents listened to all sorts of music.. Christian and secular. I went to a Christian school that took this stance. I never told my friends I did any type of dancing except ballet due to the shame associated w rock music. Until my children found a Christian theater organization that allows secular music (happenstance, I was pleasantly surprised) I felt "less than" as a Christian for allowing secular music and dancing to it!

Every time I see this thread, childhood shame floods through me even though we've made the intentional decision to allow secular and Christian music in our home and lives (im a choreographer and my newest tap song is mercy me's "my younger me" but last year my favorite was imagine dragons "it's time").

I'm sharing this to say I personally believe we all have different comfort zones and I honestly find a lot of shame in this thread. Because I believe shame is of the devil and conviction is the holy spirit, I would encourage you to reevaluate your verbiage and approach.

Truthfully, your child will have to decide what his personal convictions about music are. And yes I beliver its ok to not listen to secular music.a funny about that .. My dd2 wanted to do a 30 day Christian music challenge but would've been impossible cuz she was enrolled in jazz and cast in a musical. We made the rule "unless practicing, rehearsing, or in class, no secular music" )

[JoyGal]

Sonshine Mama, I agree, there seems to be a lot of shame in this thread.

I'm going to be opposite of what I think everyone here has said .... I don't limit or censor my teenager's music.

Music is an art. It is a form of expression not only for the artist, but for the person listening to it that is able to find something in the music and/or lyrics that they like. Music is good for the soul. It actually affects the brain so much that it is healing and therapeutic. And whatever type of music does that is as unique to the individual as it is for the artist. Teens need the freedom to find their own expressions and discover who they are. Often times they need the lyrics and music to find the expression they are craving to to realize they aren't alone in their minds. I think it's healthy. But I also really love a lot of good rock along with most genres.

My teen listens to tons of music that I don't care for but that doesn't mean it's wrong or evil. She is still a really good person who doesn't go out and bite the heads off of rats and or promote rape. If she was listening to Black Metal or rape promoting music and acting some of the musical lyrics, I would show concern but would find other ways to intervene in her life to help her work through the issues to teach self and life respect and love, but the music that has been mentioned here is not even close to that level.

As for lyrics, ya, a lot of music has some nasty words. If my child listens to something that I think is offensive or degrading, I will say so and say why, but it's more to put a thought in her mind to take note of it rather than limit what she is and isn't allowed to listen to.

So anyway, this is what I think of the situation. It's one of the many battles I have easily chosen not to fight but rather nourish. I'd rather have my child feel respected for their individual choices than shamed into doing only what I want them to.

[tempus vernum]

Originally Posted by JoyGal

Sonshine Mama, I agree, there seems to be a lot of shame in this thread.

I'm going to be opposite of what I think everyone here has said .... I don't limit or censor my teenager's music.

Music is an art. It is a form of expression not only for the artist, but for the person listening to it that is able to find something in the music and/or lyrics that they like. Music is good for the soul. It actually affects the brain so much that it is healing and therapeutic. And whatever type of music does that is as unique to the individual as it is for the artist. Teens need the freedom to find their own expressions and discover who they are. Often times they need the lyrics and music to find the expression they are craving to to realize they aren't alone in their minds. I think it's healthy. But I also really love a lot of good rock along with most genres.

My teen listens to tons of music that I don't care for but that doesn't mean it's wrong or evil. She is still a really good person who doesn't go out and bite the heads off of rats and or promote rape. If she was listening to Black Metal or rape promoting music and acting some of the musical lyrics, I would show concern but would find other ways to intervene in her life to help her work through the issues to teach self and life respect and love, but the music that has been mentioned here is not even close to that level.

As for lyrics, ya, a lot of music has some nasty words. If my child listens to something that I think is offensive or degrading, I will say so and say why, but it's more to put a thought in her mind to take note of it rather than limit what she is and isn't allowed to listen to.

So anyway, this is what I think of the situation. It's one of the many battles I have easily chosen not to fight but rather nourish. I'd rather have my child feel respected for their individual choices than shamed into doing only what I want them to.

that's been our approach as well. it's entirely up to them and their conscious. We talk about everything w them so I will mention of something bothers me in their music and we discuss it

[ReedleBeetle]

I honestly thought I was on the wrong forum for a minute. Then I thought someone was posting this as a joke.

Gave me flashbacks to my own teenage years and the things that came out of my church.

Let's just say.... I am glad other, gracious mom's responded already.

---------- Post added at 06:07 PM ---------- Previous post was at 06:04 PM ----------

Adding....

Would you mind changing the title to something like "my son is listening to music I don't approve of". I am finding the current title quite trigger -y.

[3PeasInAPod]

I don't see a lot of shame on this thread. I actually see a lot of sound, balanced advice given to this mom that stears away from shame.
I consider myself a conservative christian and I'd rather listen to secular music any day over contemporary christian radio and it's poor theology let alone poor quality. I also am glad to be part of a denomination that does no secular music shaming.

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[AngelaVA]

Originally Posted by ReedleBeetle

I honestly thought I was on the wrong forum for a minute. Then I thought someone was posting this as a joke.



Gave me flashbacks to my own teenage years and the things that came out of my church.



Let's just say.... I am glad other, gracious mom's responded already. [COLOR="Silver"]

y.

I thought this was a joke at first too. It is basically the first half of the plot of a movie called "Detroit Rock City" from 1999

If it is for real, I think anything you do do ban particular music at this age is going to backfire.



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[tempus vernum]

Originally Posted by 3PeasInAPod

I don't see a lot of shame on this thread. I actually see a lot of sound, balanced advice given to this mom that stears away from shame.
I consider myself a conservative christian and I'd rather listen to secular music any day over contemporary christian radio and it's poor theology let alone poor quality. I also am glad to be part of a denomination that does no secular music shaming.

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I believe it's possible it's what Ri pointed out -- the devil in the title. Those of us raised w people telling us this feel instant shame -- it's a childhood trigger.

[3PeasInAPod]

I get that. We were shamed in youth group for listening to secular music. I look back now and see the absurdity in it. I'm glad though that the responses have not given clout to the thread title.

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[CelticJourney]

You know, it takes a little time to adjust to a new community and the vocabulary norms around any group. Perhaps a little grace for a newbie is in order.

[ReedleBeetle]

Originally Posted by AngelaVA

I thought this was a joke at first too. It is basically the first half of the plot of a movie called "Detroit Rock City" from 1999

If it is for real, I think anything you do do ban particular music at this age is going to backfire.



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Funny. That is the title of one of Kiss's songs as well.

I am not giving a lack of grace. I asked for a title change because she is new and doesn't know.... And it is trigger-y and others shared why.

[marbles]

I was raised in a Christian music only (and certain types of Christian music only) home. It caused enmity between siblings and alienated two of the four kids. One of my psych professors (at a conservative bible college actually) was the first person I heard this from: the music is not what matters. People listen to music for a reason, find the reason. Music is an expression of emotions, desires, frustrations, etc. sometimes we listen to music to help lift our mood, sometimes it's to identify with someone else in a struggle, sometimes it's an outlet for negative emotions and thoughts. I've listened to all kinds of music for all kinds of reasons, most music (not all!) is neither good nor bad all by itself. What's important is what's going on inside the listener and whether or not the music is helping or hurting them. Sometimes I listen to angry metal because I love it and it is a good outlet for angry feelings. Sometimes I listen to melodic metal because I love it and it helps to center me. sometimes I listen to Keith green/Michael card because I love it and I want to focus spiritually. Different music, different reasons.

[deena]

Absolutely, Marbles. I went to Bible studies where I was taught not to listen to secular music. Looking back I sometimes soothed hurt emotions with rap but my parents didn't understand that. It was only looked at as a form of rebellion.

[tempus vernum]

Originally Posted by CelticJourney

You know, it takes a little time to adjust to a new community and the vocabulary norms around any group. Perhaps a little grace for a newbie is in order.

I hope nothing I said lacked grace! I was trying to challenge verbiage in a way that iron sharpens iron

[Saoirse]

I seriously despise some of the music my kids listen to. In frustration one day I asked my then 16 year old dd "Why do you listen to that? My ears are bleeding!!!!!" She explained that it helped her work out her emotions. She could blast the music and feel the anger and hurt that she couldn't safely feel anywhere else. Since my littlest was only 7 at the time and I didn't want him hearing it, I asked her to please not blast it while he was around and awake. We had to find a compromise that allowed her self expression while allowing me to protect my young son.

In the following months/years, I even adopted some of her music as my own as I saw the value in rage of the music, even if I couldn't understand the words. I could angry clean my house with it blasting and work out some big emotions so that I could then sit and focus on what was really going on internally. Now, 4 years later, Disturbed is still my go-to band when I'm angry. I still have no clue what they're saying.

Also, at 15 my job as a mother was transitioning from more of the caring for the child role to a preparing the young adult for life role. It was a role that slowly transitioned over time but I found 15 to be a time of major leaps in the transitioning. It was less about me telling them what to do and more about me guiding them and helping them find their own way. I refused to be a mom who controlled every aspect of my kids' lives until they turned 18 then expected them to be able to make good decisions on their own because they were then "adults." I started making them make many of their own decisions around 15. I'd walk them through the decision making process, help them see the pros/cons of choices, then stand back and let them make decisions and deal with the consequences. (that last part was always the hardest part for me. It was so hard not to jump in and save them from those consequences.)

[bananacake]

Just an addition:

There is very little popular secular music I can listen to. Part of that is because I'm a musician/singer, and part of it is because I'm a songwriter. As a singer/songwriter, I've always gotten very caught up in the lyrics of music, the chord changes, and the emotions they provoke. Secular music often doesn't send me to a healthy place emotionally. There are some exceptions (certain types of jazz and classical music, oldies, some 80's music), but for the most part, I listen to very little music in general and when I do listen, I listen to worship music and a few Christian artists (like hip hop ).

Contrast this with an experience I had once. I was driving somewhere with my Christian friend. She was controlling the radio and was listening to some popular song about hooking up. She knew all the lyrics, definitely didn't agree with the morals displayed, but didn't even seem to think about what the lyrics meant. She was while I was There is no way I could have listened to that music on a regular basis, but it wasn't bothering her a bit. My DH is also able to listen to music that I couldn't really.

I imagine there are a lot of reasons for this: different personalities, emotional temperaments, struggles, upbringing.

So while certain types of music might send you to a certain place, it may not be the same for your son