Ways you keep yourself from blowing up...

[wildswede]

Anyone have things they do to take care of themselves and keep from losing it? I find myself doing so well at being patient and calm, but firm and then all of the sudden it's too much. Example: Told DS that we needed to run some errands so it was time to pause or stop the video he was watching and put clothes on. I told him we needed to go to a store for x, y, and z and then we would go see if the sprinklers were on at a local park. Immediately he went for, "If you want me to get dressed and take a break from YouTube, then we are only going to the park!" I reminded him that the stuff we need is to take care of him and we will go to the park right after the store, now it's time to get dressed. He picked up an allen wrench and hurled it at my wall. I told him I would now turn off the computer for him and he needed to get dressed. Then he chased me around the apartment throwing the wrench at me until I could finally get the thing from him... then he came back and hit me. Somewhere in that mess, I lose my willingness to stay calm and wind up shouting at him to get in his room and stay away from me. He keeps coming back to tell me, "Well, I still have my laptop... well, I still have my tv... you better not unplug my things never, ever, ever..." I told him I wasn't ready to talk to him right now, and I don't know what else to do but ignore... Honestly, I don't care if he stays in his room and watches tv as long as he leaves me alone. But, I know that's not going to help anything. We still need to go to the store.

[ECingMama]

bump

[Mother of Sons]

How old is he?

No matter what the age with that kind of behavior there would be no access to electronics. I would not go to the park unless cooperation was absolutely stellar but in my house it would have been off the table with demands like that.

[2sunshines]

I see two very different things going on here. I opened the thread because I have struggles controlling my temper and there are some things that I do to help maintain control and I'd be glad to share those with you.

However, from what you shared, I think there are other huge issues that need to be addressed. I'm not sure the age of your child, but that kind of behaviour is something that needs to be addressed regardless of his age. It's far more than just controlling your temper when you get to that place.

How old is he?

[tempus vernum]

I have actually been in that place- the place described above and I feared for my safety and the safety of my children; however, the issue was rage from anxiety and medications. Still unacceptable and still had consequences. But I agree w 2sunshines there are larger issues than your temper here

I also opened this thread because I struggle w my temper ...

[sweetpeasmommy]

Because he has special needs and behavioral issues, you may prefer to post in the Special Needs forum where people will remember your story and that you are dealing with more than just your average kid stuff. I think anger is a very appropriate response to the situation.

I think this is where a lot of token and reward systems as popular as they are with special needs just completely fail in other ways. Instead of increasing cooperation, some kids end up expecting a reward for any small cooperation.

From other threads IIRC he seems to lose control a lot in relation to electronic time. I am very free range with electronic time *now*. Just so you know I am not at all anti-electronic usage. My SN child can handle it now and for the last few years and moderate himself, but at your son's age he could not handle that and would have many meltdowns. That was a huge red flag that he was NOT ready for that responsibility even several years past when many of his peers handled it very well. I don't think your son is developmentally ready or able to handle electronics at this time. And I don't think that the reward system is working very well. Both of these things should probably be taken off the table or cut way back on using them IMO.

As a fellow parent of an only with SN, they sometimes misinterpret our willingness to be flexible and accommodate when needed as a peer relationship. While much of my personal approach to cooperation is that we are a team and when you cooperate and come when needed and do well shopping you will find that I'm often willing to go the the park when asked appropriately. Nevertheless, *I* am the captain of the team and if I see something causing loss of control, that thing is going away and can be tried again at some point when I see that self control is possible.

This is an excellent book for doing with children to learn how to manage their anger and also a good reminder for those of us affected by it. https://www.amazon.com/What-When-You...guide+to+anger

[mamacat]

I would really check in with dr about the prozac which can exacerbate or bring on symptoms especially in kids

[2sunshines]

Originally Posted by sweetpeasmommy

Because he has special needs and behavioral issues, you may prefer to post in the Special Needs forum where people will remember your story and that you are dealing with more than just your average kid stuff.

Ah yes, thank you for pointing that out. I was not aware of the back story.

[deena]

I'm pretty much repeating what everyone else here is saying. #1 I've been in your shoes. I too struggle with not losing my temper.

#2 I have had an out-of-control kid before.

You won't find judgement on this board. (((Hugs)))

Im glad you're going to separate the issue/move it to the disability board. You'll get more appropriate advice there.

[wildswede]

Thank for all the input; he is 6.5 and, yes has special needs. Electronics are a HUGE issue and I just don't know how to stop it from being an issue. At school he was earning stickers on a chart for different parts of the day that he could turn in for computer time. Quite frankly, as much as I hate to admit it, I'm a bit dependent on the electronics for a moment's peace... it's him and I and he is HIGH needs. I've been trying to get us in a routine for the summer that gets him out of the house and doing other things but 99% of the time there's an explosion. I can't run the washing machine without some Curious George to take his mind off the noises the machine makes... he uses the electronics (games, tv, movies, mp3) to focus himself, if that makes sense, he verges on paranoid (clinically) when it comes to noises and hearing things.
He definitely sees himself as another adult... or not as a human at all, he has referred to himself as a robot for years and uses the word "human" to refer to other kids, he doesn't like being around too many humans. I just... sometimes I'm exhausted, okay, most of the time I'm exhausted because I feel like I'm walking on eggshells ALL THE TIME. I never know when he's going to go off, we can be playing just as nice as can be then all of the sudden he's hitting and throwing things at me. I'm nowhere near a perfect parent, obviously, I raise my voice at least a couple times a day, but I don't understand the aggression toward me... and it's very triggering.

[knitlove]

Do you have any way to get respite. Do you get time not parenting him to relax and help you cope with the stress?

I don't have any specific helps, but I am praying for you.