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01-24-2011, 11:33 AM | #1 |
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I'm Learning-can you help me? ("Time-out")
OK, I know that we don't "do" time-out at GCM But I'm wondering if what I am currently doing is considered traditional time-out, and if so, what I could do differently.
I know the basics-I don't do "naughty" spots or one minute per year or anything like that. For instance- the other day we had another family over who has several children. My son (3 in a few days) began hitting, screaming at, and taking toys from one of the little girls. I took him back to his room and sat with him until he calmed down. I told him that he may not hit, scream at or snatch toys from the other children. He said "ok mommy". I asked if he was ready to go play again and follow those instructions and he said no. I told him he needed to stay in his room until he was ready. He said ok and hopped down (we were sitting on the bed together) and started playing in his room. I left. A little while later he came out. Is that too much? Too little? I am coming out of a very punitive church/mindset/FOO, and am trying so hard to find a not-punitive and not-permissive-niche....that perfect place that is NEITHER of those. It's really hard for me and I second guess myself constantly. |
01-24-2011, 11:38 AM | #2 |
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Re: I'm Learning-can you help me? ("Time-out")
Nope that's not punitive at all
We do that "You hit you sit" - we take a break & go over rules & redirect. Kindly and firmly is the goal as well as teaching. So the only other thing I'd do is make sure you are telling him what *to* do. Not just NOT hitting. |
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01-24-2011, 11:39 AM | #3 |
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It's the Peanut!
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Re: I'm Learning-can you help me? ("Time-out")
To me, what you did is not exactly time out. You removed him from a situation in which he was harming others, and helped him to calm down until he could return and play nicely. I think you did a good job!
A lot of moms here do a comfort corner, I think they are great ideas. I only don't have one because of lack of space. But the general idea is that the comfort corner is somewhere for them to go when they are overwhelmed or angry, and calm themselves. I think there is a sticky if you want to look at it and get some ideas. |
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01-24-2011, 11:48 AM | #4 |
Rose Garden
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Re: I'm Learning-can you help me? ("Time-out")
Sounds to me like what you did was perfect! I've been here since October, and I hadn't put that together yet.
See? You're already setting an example for other mamas. |
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01-24-2011, 12:14 PM | #5 |
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Re: I'm Learning-can you help me? ("Time-out")
Thanks guys!
So, having him stay in his room is ok, as long as he is welcome to join us when he is calm/ready to play with kindness, etc? |
01-24-2011, 12:21 PM | #6 |
Rose Garden
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Re: I'm Learning-can you help me? ("Time-out")
Yep, you aren't forcing him to stay an arbitrary time. You are giving him space and a safe place to get in control of himself. *He* decides when to come out.
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Mama to two sweet littles and 3 angels 12/4/11 10/7/13 12/8/13 Grace is not a destination, it's a journey. I first learned to show grace to my child that was not shown to me, then I learned to accept it for myself, and only recently have I been able to have grace for others more. ~Sweetpeasmommy A |
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01-24-2011, 12:54 PM | #7 |
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Re: I'm Learning-can you help me? ("Time-out")
We often do calm-down spot. I let the boys pick where to sit and they can get up when they are calm. We do this for wild behavior.
For actual hitting/biting/kicking we do more of a traditional time out. I don't set the timer or anything, but I decide where they can sit and when they are allowed to get up after enough time to cool down, apologize to the injured party,etc. |
01-24-2011, 01:06 PM | #8 |
Climbing Rose
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: UK
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Re: I'm Learning-can you help me? ("Time-out")
I think that's spot on.
Personally, I struggle with the use of 'time-out' when parents are using it to vent their own frustrations, to demonstrate their power and that they are in control. When it's repeatedly used as a punishment for all 'bad' behaviour i think it stiffles growth. The child doesn't see the consequence of his actions and the underlying message is one of rejection. However, there are times when a child needs to be removed from a situation, not because that is the blanket punishment but because the child needs time and space to calm down or for the safety and well being of others. We also tell our daughter to leave the room if she won't stop interrupting (as in no one else can say a full sentence). Again she is free to come back and join in when she's prepared to let other talk too. In these situations the child might be unhappy being removed but i still don't see it as punitive because it's a consequence of that specific behaviour.
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07-01-2013, 11:38 AM | #9 | |
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Re: I'm Learning-can you help me? ("Time-out")
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Sometimes I need it as much as my two year old! |
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07-01-2013, 09:07 PM | #10 |
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Re: I'm Learning-can you help me? ("Time-out")
For us, we do 'if you can't control yourself, come sit by Mommy'. They will come to me, and sit beside me until they (and I) feel they can control themselves again. Great thing is, I can do that at the park, the store, home, church, etc.
I don't consider it time out, b/c I don't do '4 minutes b/c you're 4 years old' etc. And I don't send them off to their room or a certain stool etc. I just want them to settle down and choose to 'treat others the way you want to be treated'. I always found it ridiculous to say 'You did X, now go sit for 4 min.' It's like they can do whatever, as long as they're willing to 'serve their time' in the time out spot etc. In Christ, Joy |
04-12-2011, 02:00 PM | #11 | |
Climbing Rose
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Re: I'm Learning-can you help me? ("Time-out")
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