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04-01-2012, 12:15 PM | #1 |
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I can't lay with them to sleep anymore. Now what?
How do I get these guys to go to sleep? I can't do it anymore. Logistically, emotionally, mentally, and physically. It seems like all I do all day is lay in the dark while a child struggles to get to sleep, and often times this means someone is running amuck in the house. Yes I have a lot of very smalls. Yes it's triage. But I'm at a breaking point and it's putting a strain on the family. Everyone says if it's not working, change it. So what are my options? Cry it out for the 3 and 2 yo? I'm pretty much willing to give it a try. And why not the 4mo while I'm at it so we're not doing this all over again in a year or so?
I'm not looking for opinions or criticisms, but real advice. We currently have everyone in one room. Toddler bed, pack n play, baby in bed. DH on couch. He needs to sleep and is really little help because he falls asleep sitting up and so count him out. It's gotten progressively worse since #3 came along. Other two take so long to go to sleep and they both still need naps and lots of night sleep. I give them lots of attention and fill their tanks and their bellies during the day and we play outside a lot. None of this has a bearing on how long it takes them to get to sleep. I just seriously need them to be able to do it alone. I spend at least an hour with them twice a day and two more 20 min or so sessions with baby. So that is nearly 3 hours a day. Doesn't sound like much but I could also have a house to clean, I need to bathe, and cook and take my stepson to and from school and be a wife and spend time with he Lord. And I can't do all that while I'm laying with them. It's too distracting even to pray or sing or quote scripture to myself. And it just takes. Too. Long. I'm spent. Help. |
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04-01-2012, 12:28 PM | #2 |
Rose Garden
Why thank you, it is naturally blue...
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Re: I can't lay with them to sleep anymore. Now what?
Ok, I would focus on the older two for now - especially the 3 yo should be able to be taught to lay and fall asleep without you there if you focus on it for a bit.
1. Do you have a consistent nighttime routine? 2. Have you considered posting 2-3 'nighttime rules' that you go over during the day and then institute at night? 3. I would tell them about the change - you cannot lay down with them until they fall asleep anymore, but you will cuddle for a few minutes (set a timer - they get as many minutes as years they are old, for example - my 3 year old is all about 'i need 3 (of whatever) because I'm 3 years old!!!!' and would be ok with that. 4. The first week you will have to do a lot of boundary setting where you walk them back to bed and retuck them in with minimal talking/lights/fuss. But as you're consistent then they will follow the routine. 5. Are both 2 yo and 3 yo still napping? When do they wake up from naps? I would make sure they wake up NO LATER than 5-6 hours before bedtime otherwise they'll have trouble falling asleep (that is a pretty consistent interval for little oneS). 6. Don't worry about the baby now - you can teach her to fall asleep on her own when she's older. I think if the burden of the older ones is reduced you'll be able to be more ok with the baby's needs. Though you can totally try the No Cry Sleep Solution with her if you'd like . |
The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to Katigre For This Useful Post: | amyjoy (04-01-2012), DancingWithElves (04-01-2012), PrincessAnika (04-01-2012), WI Mama05 (04-01-2012), WildFlower (04-01-2012) |
04-01-2012, 12:34 PM | #3 |
Rose Garden
Bringing wacky back
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Re: I can't lay with them to sleep anymore. Now what?
Are you married? What can your dh do to help? If he could do bed time for your two oldest, that would be a huge help for you (and the whole family).
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Mom to dd 2006, and a number of angel babies "You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of dust You make beautiful things out of us You make things new You are making me new" - Gungor |
04-01-2012, 12:44 PM | #4 |
Rose Garden
Even if you can't see them or hear them at all, a person's a person, no matter how small!
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Re: I can't lay with them to sleep anymore. Now what?
Your two and three year old still nap? My two year old dropped his last nap about a month ago - bedtime before that used to take anything from an hour to two. Since he doesn't nap anymore, he's out in ten minutes.
Might it be worth considering dropping naps for the older two, having an early bedtime instead? Theo now goes to bed (and is asleep) by about 7.30 give or take 20 minutes either side. If you feel you NEED that time they're asleep for your sanity (totally understand that!) you could institute 'quiet time' with a video, or an audio tape, or books in their rooms. Certainly the older is old enough to understand that. And the younger might just copy what the older does |
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04-01-2012, 12:52 PM | #5 |
Rose Garden
trying to live like olaf "this is the best day of my life!... and quite possibly the last!"
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Re: I can't lay with them to sleep anymore. Now what?
when i need to get an older toddler to sleep without me, i do sort of a slow transition. first i just sit by there bed, for a few minutes, and then do the "i'll be right back" thing, leave for like 30 seconds the first time and gradually stretch it out. so i will leave and come back like 2 or 3 times then sit in there till they fall asleep. after they are used to me being gone for a few minutes then i will stretch it out longer, or start transitioning to what katigre said.
bbl with more, little one is starting to fuss
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Amanda, ENFJ Mommy to my bounty: ds 13 years, dd 12 years, dd 9 years , dd 6 and ds 4 Psalm 13 How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever?How long will you hide your face from me? 2 How long must I take counsel in my soul and have sorrow in my heart all the day?....because I am shaken. 5 But I have trusted in your steadfast love; my heart shall rejoice in your salvation. 6 I will sing to the Lord, because he has dealt bountifully with me. |
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04-01-2012, 01:15 PM | #6 |
Rose Garden
God, you've got this!
Join Date: Aug 2005
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Re: I can't lay with them to sleep anymore. Now what?
With my oldest, like what houseforjoy said worked for her. With my second, it was more a matter of she had to fend for herself and learned to sleep on her own. With my third I'm working on moving further away and keep my sanity via reading on my kindle app in the dark
There are options. Try some of them and find what works for your little ones! |
04-01-2012, 07:09 PM | #7 | |
Deactivated
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Re: I can't lay with them to sleep anymore. Now what?
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