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01-08-2015, 09:52 AM | #16 |
Rose Bouquet
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 714
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Re: PD Tools Week 1
I've been thinking about this all week, but I feel like I'm having trouble putting it into practice. Fwiw I don't think a cool off time in a bedroom is missing the window. I think what happens after everyone is cooled off is what matters. The time in the bedroom is just the closest we can get to a pause button sometimes.
I'm really struggling with this though. For example, this week in the pool I had both boys with me and we were in the deep end. Ds1 can swim mostly, but ds2 is in arms and sinks like a rock. So it's time to go, and rather than come with me when I say this ds1 swims the other direction. There needs to be immediate correction here... How do I connect first? He's not a strong enough swimmer to just go off on his own whenever... So, can you all give some examples of how you've used this tool? Maybe a whole bunch of specific examples will help me internalize it.
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****************** Mrs Duck Blessed to be a Stay at Home-schooling Mama to: DS1 - Snugglebug - Nov. '08 DS2 - Wiggles - May '12 |
01-08-2015, 10:12 AM | #17 | ||||
Rose Trellis
Hold on tight and pretend it's a plan.
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 1,590
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Re: PD Tools Week 1
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01-08-2015, 11:36 AM | #18 |
Rose Garden
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Seattle area
Posts: 21,260
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Re: PD Tools Week 1
I have been doing this sone this week. Trying to cuddle with early bird before I tell her (again) that she maynot swing her belt around.
I don't know how to do it when early bird hits or screams in wiggle worm's face. How do I connect with one when you are comforting the other. Both girls are teething so every thing has been a bit tense around here.
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Wife to a wonderful DH for 19 years.
Momma to my 29 weeker Early Bird who is thirteen and my little Wiggle Worm born 33 weeks who is nine. How do I have a teenager?! I don't feel ready for this. |
01-08-2015, 11:43 AM | #19 | |
Rose Trellis
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 2,247
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Re: PD Tools Week 1
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Hopefully someone will have some better examples. The only thing I can think of is most correction/teaching won't happen until everyone is calm and hugs/being held are how we connect. If it's not a matter of big feelings, but just getting (DS1) them to cooperate then I try to get on their level and get them to let me know that they heard me... lately DS1 just needs help to get it done (ready for school/picking up toys). Just rambling here...
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Amber.... Wife to JA (12/07) Mama to Bug (11/09), Little Critter (1/12) and C3PO (7/14)! InFpType 2/3(?)
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The Following User Says Thank You to bentlaj11 For This Useful Post: | MrsDuck (01-08-2015) |
01-08-2015, 11:51 AM | #20 |
Deactivated
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 659
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Re: PD Tools Week 1
I don't think this is one of those things where every single time you correct the child you have to wait and have a tender moment first. I take it more as a reminder that I need to be connecting with my child throughout the day. When she feels connected to me, she is more likely to care about what she's been taught in the past and to listen to what I say in the present. The connection has to be there for her to respond, but if I've been working on the connection all along, then it will be there to provide the framework she needs to understand that I am not the enemy. I do think it's good to take a moment to connect before correcting, but ideally it shouldn't be necessary (and really isn't possible) every single time.
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The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to silverlining For This Useful Post: | bentlaj11 (01-08-2015), MamaRachel (01-08-2015), marigold (01-08-2015), MrsDuck (01-08-2015), squiddles (01-08-2015) |
01-08-2015, 11:52 AM | #21 | |
Rose Trellis
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 2,247
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Re: PD Tools Week 1
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I think (not sure!) that the remorse thing will come w/ maturity (and will be easier for certain personalities than others). I think (again not sure) that just stating "hitting hurts. When you are ready please apologize and make it better." is sufficient. Sometimes they don't ever apologize, but I usually take them playing together as sign that the offended one has forgiven the other (if that makes sense).
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Amber.... Wife to JA (12/07) Mama to Bug (11/09), Little Critter (1/12) and C3PO (7/14)! InFpType 2/3(?)
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The Following User Says Thank You to bentlaj11 For This Useful Post: | Tasmanian Saint (01-08-2015) |
01-08-2015, 09:27 PM | #22 |
Rose Trellis
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: home on the hill
Posts: 1,593
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Re: PD Tools Week 1
Can we brainstorm different ways to establish that connection with our children throughout the day?
We've already come up with making eye contact. We can also physically say "I love you". Hugs, snuggles, physical contact would be another. My kids still have the valentines I made them last year kicking around in which I did acrostics with their names. I know because my daughter pulled out hers the other day and wanted me to read it to her (even though she is fully capable of reading it herself) That could qualify as words of affirmation. The blame issue is not the topic of the week but it is really resonating with me. Today we were reading in the children's Bible and it was about Adam and Eve. I noticed how after the fall they all started blaming to pass the buck; to cover their own sin. I started wondering if I try to lay the blame on my kids to cover my own failings I'm not sure yet, but it sure is food to ponder.
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Lesli (DYT 2) Image already added
Wife to Dh since Sept. 2005 Mama to: dd1 - Sept. 2007 ds1 - June 2009 ds2 - April 2011 ds3 - October 2013 dd2 - November 2015 |
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to marigold For This Useful Post: | bentlaj11 (01-09-2015), Tasmanian Saint (01-09-2015) |
01-09-2015, 07:27 AM | #23 | |
Rose Garden
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Seattle area
Posts: 21,260
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Re: PD Tools Week 1
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As far as connection I try to sit down next to early bird while we both read. It is one if her favorite things. It is hard for me to try to not try to get some thing done or talk to her.
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Wife to a wonderful DH for 19 years.
Momma to my 29 weeker Early Bird who is thirteen and my little Wiggle Worm born 33 weeks who is nine. How do I have a teenager?! I don't feel ready for this. |
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The Following User Says Thank You to knitlove For This Useful Post: | marigold (01-09-2015) |
01-09-2015, 06:00 PM | #24 |
Rose Bouquet
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 714
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Re: PD Tools Week 1
I have an example of how we did this once this week...
This was our first week back to school after being on break since thanksgiving. Not only that, but we have all new curriculum. Ds1 is not a big fan of change, so needless to say it has been a bit of a struggle. There has been talk that maybe homeschooling just isn't going to work. Yeah, a "bit of a struggle" is an understatement. After we had gotten past the toe to toe dispute, he and I sat down with the schedule and the calendar, and I let him decide what we are going to do each day. He also mentioned that he doesn't like to see all the rest of the book just looming there for him to do (over the next year) so we agreed to tear out the pages (as appropriate) so he only has to see what's expected of him that day. We don't do formal school on Fridays, so I have to wait and see if anything improves until next week. But at least we are back on the theoretical same page. And if nothing else, I think we succeeded at connecting better.
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****************** Mrs Duck Blessed to be a Stay at Home-schooling Mama to: DS1 - Snugglebug - Nov. '08 DS2 - Wiggles - May '12 |
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01-09-2015, 08:58 PM | #25 |
Rose Trellis
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: home on the hill
Posts: 1,593
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Re: PD Tools Week 1
I snuggling with my kids and reading. Our homeschool involves a lot of that, which makes us all happy but umm mt laundry is looming after we started back up again this week.
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01-10-2015, 08:51 PM | #26 |
Rose Trellis
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: home on the hill
Posts: 1,593
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Re: PD Tools Week 1
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Lesli (DYT 2) Image already added
Wife to Dh since Sept. 2005 Mama to: dd1 - Sept. 2007 ds1 - June 2009 ds2 - April 2011 ds3 - October 2013 dd2 - November 2015 |
The Following User Says Thank You to marigold For This Useful Post: | bentlaj11 (01-11-2015) |
02-27-2015, 07:00 AM | #27 |
Rose Bouquet
Full-time Mom to DS 8/13/12, Wife to the Sheep Man, and Rancher to 8000 momma sheep(ewes) :)
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 739
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Re: PD Tools Week 1
I know I'm late to this, but I have been working on this the last month because it was never mirrored to me as a child and I find the connection part hard to do. I have been sending DS to his room to cool off when he starts hitting so I can for a few minutes as well because otherwise I end up doing something that makes us both feel bad. Also, it gives me a chance to take care of the problem(broken glass, screaming baby sister, etc.) and then I can actually focus on him.
Eye gazing is really important I think if it isn't an intimidation factor. I was uncomfortable with it until I realized that all the "look at me in the eyes" in my childhood was never for a loving connection but for intimidation and control. Eye gazing with someone you love is totally different and wonderful
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Full-time Mom, Wife, and Sheep Rancher Wife to the "Sheep Man" DS August 2012 DD December 2014 |
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03-03-2015, 01:02 AM | #28 |
Rose Trellis
Go Team Lioness!
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: This side of the black stump
Posts: 2,428
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Re: PD Tools Week 1
Good point, shepherds wife
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Our blossoms: DS "Little Bear" Apr '07 - The negotiator
DD "Miss Muffett" Nov '08 "Don't tell Daddy..." DS "Mouse" Jan '12 "I Soup Baby, Man of steel! " Myth Busting over at Dare to Disciple "Believe in yourself. Trust your instincts. Unless your instincts are terrible." Vitruvius, The LEGO Movie. |
04-02-2015, 09:33 AM | #29 | |
Deactivated
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 141
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Re: PD Tools Week 1
Quote:
ThT is really effective with my kids, it seems to help them think through if making leaving a long process is really helpful and what their actions will mean in the long run. |
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The Following User Says Thank You to Bea423 For This Useful Post: | Tasmanian Saint (04-02-2015) |
04-02-2015, 10:08 AM | #30 |
Rose Garden
growing every day
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: California
Posts: 4,100
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Re: PD Tools Week 1
Lots if great discussion here! I think another element if connection before correction ties in with GOYB parenting: don't yell corrections from across the room, instead approach them, get down on their level, etc.
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Maggie Celebrating resurrection life after a heart transplant on 2/21/15! Married since 8/28/04 to a big Bear Mama to sweet & spirited Charlotte , born 9/08, determined & imaginative Zachary , born 6/12, one I'll see in heaven 10/10, and easy-going Elliott , born 4/14! |
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to Pearl In Oyster For This Useful Post: | marigold (04-11-2015), ShepherdsWife (04-02-2015), silverlining (04-06-2015), Tasmanian Saint (04-02-2015) |
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