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01-30-2015, 11:46 AM | #1 |
Seedling Rose
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 14
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yelling
How do you stop yelling at your kids? I have trouble with this. It's like I have to repeat myself so many times and end up yelling because they won't listen.
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01-30-2015, 02:35 PM | #2 |
Administrator
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 16,637
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Re: yelling
Yelling can be so hard to stop, I've found. One of the major things I've done is to first take a deep breath to give pause to the anger and irritation I might be feeling to allow rational thought a chance to figure out a solution. Sometimes I might go a step further and mentally or out loud reflect my feelings back to myself which helps to diffuse the anger further. In the case of my children not listening, I have found it so useful to make sure that I have their attention in the first place. This looks like getting on their level, making eye contact, putting a hand on their shoulder, etc. If they resist the request after I've made sure they heard and understood, I will ask them if they need my help to follow through. Because my kids are older, they will usually follow through at that point. Younger kids might need the actual help to follow through on the request. And then if I do end up yelling at my children, I apologize to them and let them know that yelling at them is not appropriate behavior on my part. Children are so forgiving and gracious.
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CHARLA Married to Nick, 31 yrs Mom to Nathan and his wife Abby, and Hope Elizabeth, dancing for eternity with babies: Micah Noel, Grace Anna, Andrew David Save Save Save Save Save
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01-30-2015, 02:56 PM | #3 |
Rose Garden
previously mlrowley
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: NW WA
Posts: 17,936
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Re: yelling
Charla had some great ideas. I'd follow up by suggesting you read the 5 steps sticky.
I don't know the ages of your children, but one thing that helped me was to figure out if there was a particular situation that triggered my yelling. For me, it was getting out the door on time. Then I backed up even further, why were we having so much trouble getting out the door? Because I was starting to get ready with the amount of time I needed, not the kids. So, I started having everyone getting ready 20 minutes earlier. I cannot tell you how much that helped me. I do still yell. It is much less often. I apologize and we work to fix the issue.
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Michelle wife to Tom ('95) Momma to: DD (A) 21 and her DH (YM) 21 DS (T) 19 DD (C) 17 '07 DS (N) 14 Save Save
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02-01-2015, 10:57 AM | #4 |
Rose Blossom
This is my story
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Michigan
Posts: 203
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Re: yelling
I have a huge problem with this as well. Just want you to know you're not alone.
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02-03-2015, 01:18 PM | #5 |
Seedling Rose
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 14
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Re: yelling
its usually related to frustration, like either them doing something I've told them not to do 100 times, OR unreasonable requests. Well that sounds mean. For example my 4 1/2 year old was going potty and wanted some books to read, asked me for 3 specific books. I said i wasn't sure if I could find them but I would look. I looked and couldn't find them but brought 3 others . I explained I couldn't find them but that was not acceptable. 4 yo got really upset and wanted me to go look again. I said she could either read what I gave her, or get down and go look herself or just not read any books. She insisted she knew where they were and I should go look but she didn't want to. I ended up yelling at her because I was feeling so frustrated. She is very specific in what she wants so much of the time and I can't make her happy. I know that's not my job to make her happy. But I ended up yelling and feeling horrible because she wouldn't accept any of the options i gave her. She finally ended up going to find them herself. . Or I yell when either one of them bothers with cat or dog to the point they are annoying the animals. They know the rules, the animals have places to get away from the children but they insist on pestering them over and over (waking them when they are asleep, hitting them on the head when my back is turned etc) I have yelled when I have caught them doing this. Of course it never helps, just makes me feel awful.
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02-03-2015, 01:37 PM | #6 |
Rose Garden
previously mlrowley
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: NW WA
Posts: 17,936
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Re: yelling
It is such a learning curve for us moms. With the 4 yo potty thing, you were super nice to get her books in the first place. I've learned to walk away when nothing I say or do will make a difference. I try to "process" out loud. example "I am walking away because I am frustrated and don't want to yell. I am going to take some deep breaths and try again." It lets them know you are not abandoning them, but are trying to get calm. And, the steps you are going to take to calm down and try again.
We don't have pets so I'll let someone else help with that. Hang in there! You are learning right along with your kids. It is a new skill and you can do this!
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Michelle wife to Tom ('95) Momma to: DD (A) 21 and her DH (YM) 21 DS (T) 19 DD (C) 17 '07 DS (N) 14 Save Save
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