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Old 01-31-2015, 08:58 AM   #1
charlamara
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Default Teacher's aid here needing some help :)

Sorry this is so long, I am at a loss as to what to do. I am a paraprofessional working with a smart and sassy six year old Kindergarten girl. I am her primary helper for about 30 hours per week. This child comes to school with a ton of signs of neglect and abuse (these issues have been reported appropriately). I have been with her since the beginning of October. She has an IEP and receives speech, OT, daily pull-outs for reading and math, and is a part of the behavior program. I don't want to put labels on her because I'm not a professional, but I see signs of ODD and attachment issues.

The first 10 weeks I was with this girl, I had a very structured and consistent approach and by Christmas, she was doing AMAZING. When I first went into the classroom, she was self harming, rolling on the floor, running and skipping around the class, jumping up and down, and escaping to the safe place all of the time to get out of work. She refused rest time, couldn't stay in her chair at her table for longer than one minute, and would scribble on all of her assignments. She was mean and bossy to her classmates and acted like a little dictator... had no friends.

I spent the first week observing her and trying to gain some trust, and then I started on one issue at a time. The first thing I did was stopped punishing her by making her go to the safe seat (which she sat in several times per day). I use positive redirection and try not to say no or stop, but rather instruct what the appropriate behavior looks like. I used a three-fold procedure-- telling her the expected behavior once and then counting to five in my head. Telling her the expected behavior again and then waiting another five seconds. Then, I would say in a calm voice, "You've been told twice to sit up and now I'm going to help you sit up in three-two-one." I would gently guide her body and tell her this is what it looks like to sit up. I would praise every time she sat nicely on the carpet during reading (sometimes I could just praise her quietness, other times just her hands in her lap). I would also give positives to the other kids when they were being good models and she would often follow suit so that I could praise HER behavior.

I found ways to be positive even if her day was horrible, for instance complementing her hair or telling her I liked the colors she was choosing on her work (even if it looked like skribbling to me). Within 10 weeks, she was doing better behavior-wise than some of her peers. She went from being taken to the behavior room multiple times per day to once per week. She made several friends as I helped her to script appropriate phrases to use when wanting a playmate.

Christmas break happened. Things are far worse now than they have ever been and I am at a loss. She is back to all of her old behaviors and has added some new ones. She laughs at me when I give her instructions. She tells me constantly that she hates me, I'm mean, and that I need to go away... She doesn't want me touching her at all, although I have always used touch gently and with a warning. I am trying my best to respect her. I have come up with several strategies to help her with homework that don't require touching. My problem now is, I have to help by touching her hand sometimes during handwriting and she starts flailing and has slapped and hit me. At this point, I have to gently restrain her so that she doesn't harm me or others (I have had training to do this).

When she is angry, we do breathing and stretching exercises, I let her squeeze my hands or a teddy, tell her we can talk if she needs to, etc. If I take her to the safe place to calm down, I stay with her and talk it over after one minute...

I am trying SO hard to be positive and gentle with her, but her classroom is like one giant nitpick session. Kids just can't be kids in there. The teacher often uses punitive discipline. If they play with their shirts, they are called out. If they sit on their knees, they get called out by name and told to stop right away. There is a lot of punishment: getting recess withheld, taking away play center time, getting sent to the safe place (sometimes for TWENTY MINUTES).... Since I'm in charge of this kiddo, I try my best to not allow this to be done to her. Her behavior is AMAZING in library class where the teacher practices positive discipline and complements her for her great behavior. Kids aren't singled out in there and everyone behaves very well.

The teacher is also inconsistent and gives her choices she is not ready to make (letting her out of rest time or story time to do letters and sounds if she wants, even though she's cranky and could take a two hour nap if we let her). Teacher thinks this is an easy way out since girly is loud and disruptive in nap/story time due to it not being a routine. Letters and sounds turns into a jumping and running away from me session in the hallway. She will not sit still to do the letters and sounds and I think it's because she's exhausted. I can get her to take a nap very easily, but the para she has on my lunch break cannot. I fold her blanket so she has a boundary, tell her to lay down, block her view of other classmates, and pat her back. She's out cold in under 5 minutes.

I just feel so MEAN lately because I have had to restrain or block many times this past week to keep myself and others safe. The behavior room would like me to threaten to send her there when she disrupts (which gets her out of work and is a punishment). The teacher wants me to withold iPad time. I have tried these methods and she gets worse.

One of the biggest things that worked before which is not working now is practicing positive behavior over and over. Now, if I ask her to go back to the door and practice walking instead of running, she will just run over and over, stick her tongue out at me, play with the light switch, etc. I have tried holding her hand to practice, but then she jerks from me and doesn't want to be near me. I need other ways to show good behavior that don't require the practicing, I think.

Sorry, tons of things are in this message.... suggestions? Are there any books I can read? I'm in love with Karen Purvis and have watched many of her videos. I want to learn more and more. I don't want to use punitive methods. How can I be consistent, loving, and understanding? I really really love this girl.

Last edited by charlamara; 01-31-2015 at 09:10 AM.
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Old 01-31-2015, 09:08 AM   #2
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Default Re: Teacher's aid here needing some help :)

I don't have any suggestions. You are doing good work with this girl, even when it doesn't feel like it.

Is there a reason she is in this class. Are there other k classes with less nitpicky teachers?

Others will be more helpful.
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Old 01-31-2015, 09:22 AM   #3
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Default Re: Teacher's aid here needing some help :)

Can you report the teacher?
Honestly, it sounds like the teacher needs to be evaluated and then helped, herself. So, is there a mechanism for that in your district?
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Old 01-31-2015, 09:33 AM   #4
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Default Re: Teacher's aid here needing some help :)

It sounds like you are doing amazingly!

I'm sorry the teacher is so punitive. I just haven't found, in my parenting, that punishment is effective in any way. I am wondering if there is another teacher, too, another class she could switch to.

I also would love to see the parents given some tools to help them with her. I'm not sure how that could happen or if that could happen but I'm sure it would help IF they would implement some of your suggestions. It would be great if you could visit her at home and see what her home life is like- I bet that would be so eye-opening. I'm sure there is all kinds of red tape that might make that impossible, but I bet it would be a help.
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Old 01-31-2015, 05:05 PM   #5
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Default Re: Teacher's aid here needing some help :)

That sounds very difficult. I just finished a long term substitute position for a sped aide in a middle school in a class with emotionally disturbed boys with a diagnosis of autism. It was incredibly stressful. I am glad that the regular aide will be back on Monday. Is there a sped teacher who is in charge of this child or is it just the classroom teacher? Is there a district sped person in charge of the school who comes out to visit? Perhaps you can consult with the sped person at your school or district.
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Old 01-31-2015, 08:45 PM   #6
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Default Re: Teacher's aid here needing some help :)

Is there a special education teacher in charge of managing her services? Who essential leads her IEP team (not her regular ed teacher)? Can you start by going to that person and telling them that you don't think that this particular classroom teacher is a good match for this particular girl? Does she have positive touch built into her day? (If all touch only happens within the connotation of something negative happening, that could cause some strong responses).

It sounds like you're doing some amazing work with her already.
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Old 01-31-2015, 09:01 PM   #7
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Default Re: Teacher's aid here needing some help :)

You are doing a great job. I just want to reiterate that.


Her behaviors sound like my son's behaviors when he's not meticulously managed - for us that means a LOT of sleep (he has to be drugged to sleep as much as he needs and it requires a specific routine), no dyes not in food, soap, or art supplies (he cannot touch crayons for example), and other dietary restrictions, and he is also on stimulant medication.

So I am just offering that to say that these behaviors don't always stem from abuse/neglect. I have no idea why other than food/dye sensitivities and ADHD, but dh and I both had that moment when we were sitting in foster parent training listening to the description of the abused/neglected child and then panicking that we had done something horrible to our own child


Have you talked to the parents? Are they helpful at all? I agree that it sounds like the teacher is a big problem. Can that be reported to someone?
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Old 02-01-2015, 05:58 AM   #8
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Default Re: Teacher's aid here needing some help :)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Chaos Coordinator View Post
You are doing a great job. I just want to reiterate that.


Her behaviors sound like my son's behaviors when he's not meticulously managed - for us that means a LOT of sleep (he has to be drugged to sleep as much as he needs and it requires a specific routine), no dyes not in food, soap, or art supplies (he cannot touch crayons for example), and other dietary restrictions, and he is also on stimulant medication.

So I am just offering that to say that these behaviors don't always stem from abuse/neglect. I have no idea why other than food/dye sensitivities and ADHD, but dh and I both had that moment when we were sitting in foster parent training listening to the description of the abused/neglected child and then panicking that we had done something horrible to our own child


Have you talked to the parents? Are they helpful at all? I agree that it sounds like the teacher is a big problem. Can that be reported to someone?
Thank you for giving me those suggestions. If she were my child, I would try out all of these environmental things. I know that sleep helps a ton when we can get her to rest.

Her parents are extremely uncooperative and mean people. I met them once when they picked girlie up for an appointment and we had loaned her a Halloween costume. Mom abruptly wanted to know what the heck she was wearing (I answered for her). They do not show up to her IEP meetings or answer phone calls/texts. She is often brought to school filthy in PJs or clothes not appropriate for the weather. She sings and dances provocatively as if she watches MTV all day at home. Her backpack is hardly ever emptied (even clothes from accidents were left in there for days). We're pretty sure she only eats at school. She comes starving and, until I had her, would run to the share cart multiple times at lunch.

Aside from these natural signs, girlie has told us enough stories from home to fill a small notebook. We've been reporting things, but it takes time...

I am going to talk to the SPED teachers and recommend some good first grade teachers. I don't think it will be possible to have girlie moved at this point in the year, although if I were her mother, I would push for that. I am hoping that if I give some suggestions, they will pull for her to be in a different environment next year. Girlie's teacher has been observed when there was a child in the safe place (she had been in there for 10 minutes at that time), and she called the girl over to sit back down with the group. She's been there for seven years and is the only Kindergarten teacher with an ESL cert so I don't think she's going anywhere. I also really happen to like her as a person. I think she just needs more personal development. I'm trying to get Dr. Purvis to come.
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Old 02-01-2015, 06:13 AM   #9
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Default Re: Teacher's aid here needing some help :)

I agree then you are right to suspect what you do....it's such a difficult situation when you are a caregiver. I've worked in childcare and we moved before finishing our license to foster but have put a lot of heart work toward that as well.


Dr Karyn purvis is amazing to watch (I've only seen videos) - that you dropped that name brought tears to my eyes! Her suggestions have been helpful with my son as well - giving him small successes (like you mentioned as well) and really holding him responsible for doing things in an acceptable manner such as we will walk calmly without bursting the doors open or flipping over chairs, and having him redo that over and over and over and....until he gets it. Praising every success along the way.

It sounds like you are doing the right things but I know it is so so so hard. And you probably aren't being compensated enough, truly! It's a work of heart sometimes. You are making a big positive difference in the life of this child. Thank you for being there for her!


(And welcome to gcm!)

---------- Post added at 07:13 AM ---------- Previous post was at 07:11 AM ----------

Have you heard of Christine Moers? She is a therapeutic parenting specialist out of Austin. She has videos on YouTube
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Old 02-02-2015, 05:15 AM   #10
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Default Re: Teacher's aid here needing some help :)

You are at a very tough place, but I guess that's the place where God needs you most right now.

Have you talked to the teacher that does the library classes? She might be a good help and a good allay.
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