refusing to wipe herself

[MomtoJGJ]

I pretty much refuse to go in the bathroom with them once they are 4 or so. I start at about 3 when they call me to come I tell them to try while I'm finishing whatever.

I'd just decide if it really bothered me (it would, it's gross ) and if it did I'd just insist they do it. of course skid marks don't bother me because I don't wash them by hand.

ETA: just saw the update. I have one who insists on wiping for about 10 minutes after she pees. Another who is a pretty normal wiper. Another who thinks that if she just urinates she doesn't have to wipe (and honestly it hasn't mattered becuase I didn't realize she wasn't wiping for about 2 years.) And another who wipes normally, but uses way too much TP (of course she just turned 3, so I don't really worry too much about the 3 extra pieces of paper)

[zak]

We just got our 4.5 boy to start wiping. I didn't make it a battle. I did bribe him with Legos. Once he decided the trade off was worth it, he let us know. He's now the proud owner of the fire rescue airplane. Love the Lego bribe! Now I am only dealIng with two little people poo!! lol

[Proverbs31]

I'm working on this with ds, who's about that age. I'd definitely provide wipes; it's hard to wipe well with TP. (Ours aren't flushable because I really don't want the scented stuff, so I also have to make a point of reminding him to throw them in the trash can.)

I've taught him to wipe (middle to back, though with boys I suppose that's not nearly as important), then check to see if the wipe comes away clean. If it doesn't, fold over to a clean place and repeat.

When it comes away clean, let me know and I'll come do a "check" wipe. Besides me making sure he's clean so he doesn't get rashy or mess his clothes, this also is kind of a compromise of me "helping" him.

He fusses about it, melts, cries, and says he won't. I stay out of the room and tell him to do his best, then I'll come check. This is working with him (in other words, meltdowns aren't too major, he stays on the potty, and eventually does it)...it really is one of those ymmv things though. I think dd (now 8.5) refused more insistently, but mercifully my memories of that are so hazy that I don't recall details. (Now she just goes through so much TP that she clogs the toilet about twice a week. )

Anyway. At 4.5, if she's really adamant, like ferocious meltdown, I'd probably give it a break and try again in a few months or so. If it's more like what goes on w/ds, I'd keep insisting, probably ask why she doesn't want to too (in case there are any fears or concerns playing into her refusal), make sure she has the tools she need and the process clearly explained.

[MomtoJGJ]

I've also played the "would you want to come in and wipe MY butt?" card, but that's for one who's been wiping consistently and for some reason decides to call me in to wipe them. Nope.. ain't gonna happen kiddo.

[Aisling]

Since the wiping motion really isn't necessary for the vulva after a pee, I have mine lightly dab or pat the area. Urine isn't going to cause infection, so "mostly dry" is what we shoot for. Showing her that or changing the words to "pat yourself dry!" might break up the opposition a little, and knock out the word she's gotten used to opposing.

[SamRose]

Originally Posted by Aisling

Since the wiping motion really isn't necessary for the vulva after a pee, I have mine lightly dab or pat the area. Urine isn't going to cause infection, so "mostly dry" is what we shoot for. Showing her that or changing the words to "pat yourself dry!" might break up the opposition a little, and knock out the word she's gotten used to opposing.

But a few drops of urine soaking into the undies after every trip to the bathroom does lead to an odor, and can lead to irritation if the area is constantly too damp. (I have a dd who likes to make potty breaks as quick as possible, so Ive dealt w/ the issue. )

[itzj]

DD has been doing it consistently since I put cloth wipes in all the bathrooms for her. Her hand always got wet with toilet paper. Now on the occasion that she doesn't want to it's because she doesn't want to wash her hands.

[DoulaClara]

Originally Posted by SamRose

But a few drops of urine soaking into the undies after every trip to the bathroom does lead to an odor, and can lead to irritation if the area is constantly too damp. (I have a dd who likes to make potty breaks as quick as possible, so Ive dealt w/ the issue. )

It's given Weds a rash before. IDK if it's the adhesion stuff or what, but she can really leave drips around if she doesn't wipe properly.

[JoEllen]

I helped Timothy wipe (his rear, not his front) until he kicked me out of the bathroom when he was about 6, I think. Summer still needs my help a little bit. I just let them call the shots. When they don't need me in there anymore, they'll let me know.