Gentle Christian Mothers Community
 
Random Quotes from Wise Mamas

~* Please help keep GCM free by using our
Amazon.com affiliate link. Thank you! *~


Go Back   Gentle Christian Mothers Community > Specific Issues > Gentle Discipline *Public*
Forgot Password? Join Us!

Gentle Discipline *Public* A public forum.
GCM Webpage: Gentle Discipline

 
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Prev Previous Post   Next Post Next
Old 01-01-2018, 10:33 AM   #1
Aerynne
Rose Garden
 
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 27,356
Aerynne has a reputation beyond reputeAerynne has a reputation beyond reputeAerynne has a reputation beyond reputeAerynne has a reputation beyond reputeAerynne has a reputation beyond reputeAerynne has a reputation beyond reputeAerynne has a reputation beyond reputeAerynne has a reputation beyond reputeAerynne has a reputation beyond reputeAerynne has a reputation beyond reputeAerynne has a reputation beyond repute
Default siblings arguing

I know I'm not new to this but for some reason I don't feel like I'm really doing anything about it.

We don't really have beating each other up- usually it's mean comments, or maybe one hit or push or physical action and then it's over. If I'm getting the baby down when it happens (which is usually, since they don't do it when I'm around) then I often don't find out about it until later.

The rule in our family is "Use words, and if that doesn't help, get a grown-up." but sometimes a grown-up is unavailable. But even if a grown-up is available, they often don't. I hear stuff like "I told her to get out three times but she wouldn't. So I gave her a tiny shove." (which violates our rule but I totally get responding like that, especially if I'm not available).

Dd2 (7) likes to egg people on a lot. Ds1 (10) gets annoyed a lot (obviously). In our family the siblings closest to each other in age have more trouble getting along- not sure if that is typical. So 10 yo has most trouble with the 7yo and the 7yo has trouble with both the 10yo and the 5yo. 5yo and 10yo are usually fine together.

So we talk a lot about these things after they happen but often it's "he said this" and "she did that" and it takes me forever to get the bottom of it (like dd2 says "he hit me" but doesn't mention that it was because she was doing something mean to him). Is it worth getting to the bottom of it and hashing these things out? Or is there some kind of good response to say "okay, moving on, when there is fighting we do X"? But I'm not sure what x is.

I've also had ds1 (the 10yo) tells me that he will hit or otherwise be mean to dd2 (the 7yo) when she is egging him on specifically because he knows that I won't do anything to her. He figures something bad should happen to her and knows I won't do it (I talk, but I don't specifically inflict something bad on her and he wants her to have something bad happen to her because of what she did). So because I don't punish, he figures he should punish her. Definitely not okay, and we've talked about it, but he can't remember in the moment.

Overall this isn't about any one kid- it's about the three middle kids, 10, 7, and 5, and how I should handle arguing, especially if I don't find out about it until later (I'll typically nurse dd3 down for a nap and then come out and find out about something that happened 10 minutes ago, for instance).
__________________
Erin

born of water and of the Spirit 4/96
married 5/02

Mama to:
2004

2007
2010
2012
2017
2019

Jan 2, 2024

And many I hope to hold in heaven one day
Aerynne is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Aerynne For This Useful Post:
Beth1231 (01-01-2018)
 

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 02:50 AM.


A variety of opinions and ideas are shared on GCM. Personal experiences, suggestions, and tips found here are in no way intended to substitute for medical counsel from a healthcare professional. Always use your own good judgement and seek professional advice when in doubt about a health concern.

Amazon.com affiliate link

Copyright 1997-2017 by Gentle Christian Mothers™
An alternative-minded, evangelical Christian community supporting attachment parenting and natural living.

Do not post content elsewhere.
http://www.gentlechristianmothers.com/community/

Some smilies created and copyrighted by Mazeguy.
Some smilies and avatars created and copyrighted by flowermama and children -- do not use elsewhere.

Soli Deo Gloria
To God only wise, be glory through Jesus Christ for ever. Amen. ~ Romans 16:27 (KJV)

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.3
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.

X vBulletin 3.8.3 Debug Information
  • Page Generation 0.11623 seconds
  • Memory Usage 8,337KB
  • Queries Executed 15 (?)
More Information
Template Usage:
  • (1)SHOWTHREAD
  • (1)ad_footer_end
  • (1)ad_footer_start
  • (1)ad_header_end
  • (1)ad_header_logo
  • (1)ad_navbar_below
  • (1)ad_showthread_beforeqr
  • (1)bbcode_quote
  • (1)cyb_flashimagebanners
  • (1)footer
  • (1)forumjump
  • (1)forumrules
  • (1)gobutton
  • (1)header
  • (1)headinclude
  • (1)navbar
  • (3)navbar_link
  • (60)option
  • (10)post_groan_box
  • (1)post_groan_javascript
  • (1)post_groan_navbar_search
  • (10)post_thanks_box
  • (38)post_thanks_box_bit
  • (1)post_thanks_javascript
  • (1)post_thanks_navbar_search
  • (9)post_thanks_postbit_legacy
  • (10)postbit_legacy
  • (10)postbit_onlinestatus
  • (110)postbit_reputation
  • (10)postbit_wrapper
  • (4)showthread_bookmarksite
  • (1)showthread_list
  • (1)smqre_editor_button
  • (1)spacer_close
  • (1)spacer_open
  • (1)tagbit_wrapper 

Phrase Groups Available:
  • global
  • inlinemod
  • postbit
  • posting
  • reputationlevel
  • showthread
Included Files:
  • ./showthread.php
  • ./global.php
  • ./includes/init.php
  • ./includes/class_core.php
  • ./includes/config.php
  • ./includes/functions.php
  • ./includes/class_hook.php
  • ./includes/functions_notice.php
  • ./mobiquo/smartbanner.php
  • ./mobiquo/include/classTTConnection.php
  • ./mobiquo/smartbanner/head.inc.php
  • ./includes/functions_bigthree.php
  • ./includes/class_postbit.php
  • ./includes/class_bbcode.php
  • ./includes/functions_reputation.php
  • ./includes/adminfunctions_template.php
  • ./includes/functions_misc.php
  • ./includes/functions_threadedmode.php
  • ./includes/functions_post_thanks.php
  • ./includes/functions_post_groan.php 

Hooks Called:
  • init_startup
  • cache_permissions
  • fetch_postinfo_query
  • fetch_postinfo
  • fetch_threadinfo_query
  • fetch_threadinfo
  • fetch_foruminfo
  • style_fetch
  • cache_templates
  • global_start
  • parse_templates
  • fetch_musername
  • notices_check_start
  • global_setup_complete
  • showthread_start
  • template_groups
  • template_safe_functions
  • template_compile
  • showthread_getinfo
  • forumjump
  • showthread_post_start
  • showthread_query_postids_threaded
  • showthread_threaded_construct_link
  • showthread_query
  • bbcode_fetch_tags
  • bbcode_create
  • showthread_postbit_create
  • postbit_factory
  • postbit_display_start
  • post_thanks_function_post_thanks_off_start
  • post_thanks_function_post_thanks_off_end
  • post_thanks_function_fetch_thanks_start
  • post_thanks_function_fetch_thanks_end
  • post_thanks_function_thanked_already_start
  • post_thanks_function_thanked_already_end
  • post_thanks_function_fetch_thanks_bit_start
  • post_thanks_function_show_thanks_date_start
  • post_thanks_function_fetch_thanks_bit_end
  • post_thanks_function_fetch_post_thanks_template_start
  • post_thanks_function_fetch_post_thanks_template_end
  • post_groan_function_post_groan_off_start
  • post_groan_function_post_groan_off_end
  • post_groan_function_fetch_groans_start
  • post_groan_function_fetch_groans_end
  • post_groan_function_groaned_already_start
  • post_groan_function_groaned_already_end
  • reputation_image
  • bbcode_parse_start
  • postbit_imicons
  • bbcode_parse_complete_precache
  • bbcode_parse_complete
  • postbit_display_complete
  • error_fetch
  • tag_fetchbit_complete
  • forumrules
  • showthread_bookmarkbit
  • navbits
  • navbits_complete
  • showthread_complete