Am I permissive or is this normal?

[jenny_islander]

Originally Posted by Soliloquy

I don't have much to add in addition to what's already been posted. But, I hope this encourages you. My eldest was a VERY dramatic toddler. Oh my, sometimes it would take 2 hours for her to get dressed, she was a night owl, things were very intense. People used to give me those looks while I carried her, mid-tantrum, out of the store to the car.

She is now 10 and every adult loves her. She is helpful, she shows initiative, she is a great older sister, etc. People ask me when she'll be old enough to babysit because they want her around their kids.

It is rough when you have that many little ones. You are outnumbered and it is hard not to let their emotions get to you when they have so many about every little thing!

Oh, good grief, yes!!! My now-10-year-old was SUCH A DRAMA LLAMA. Fail to telepathically divine that she had wanted the ORANGE cup, not the RED one, and you'd think somebody had shot her dog. Now she's a steady kid (well, a tween, so some drama is to be expected) and I get compliments all the time about her maturity and kindness.

[saturnfire16]

With the toys scratching the wall- the damage is already done, right? You said you'll have to repaint anyway? So you might want to just cut your losses, and chalk this up to having little kids.

I'm not saying tell them it's ok to do it or don't stop them when they do it, but just accept that you might need to stop them 3000 more times, before they mature, that they WILL eventually grow out of it, and that you can now choose to either let it stress you out or just roll with it and remind them every time.

Also, double check your lease agreement. I used to manage properties and with ours, after people had lived there for a year, we would repaint regardless and they wouldn't be charge for it.
ETA: unless it required a double coat due to drawing with permanent marker (by adults) ALL OVER every wall. Yah, that happened.

[Wild Asparagus]

3 is so hard!

[wildswede]

First, I don't know if anyone has said it yet, but you do NOT know if spanking/time outs would have "fixed" any of these issues... the evidence of child development seems to say that you still would have these struggles, you'd just be adding trauma to the equation. I know sometimes it seems like other parents who spank have "better" children, but if you spend a day in their homes, I'm sure you would find that isn't so and the consequences later in life of having trauma in early years far outweigh the instant obedience of the moment. I have to remind myself of this quite often! I'd say all those things are "normal" for that age, toddlers and preschoolers aren't know for their impulse control and often need high sensory experiences throughout the day. My kiddo is constantly slamming into things and people, he doesn't mean to hurt anyone, but he has such high sensory needs that is part of how he takes care of himself... so we've had to find other ways for him to get that input without hurting others and we talk often about how even though that slamming/crashing feels good to him, it can hurt other people and that is not okay. Another thing that I know helps my own son, is connecting in those moments when that's the last thing you want to do... I believe that the times the behaviors are the most off-putting, the highest level of "get the heck away from me"; that is when they desperately need re-connection the most. We also have horrible bedtime experiences, my boy has very strong fears and he has that very strong need to constantly to touching... and honestly, come the end of the day I just want him to go to sleep and have some time to myself! I've worked out a routine that "works" for us, right now (that may change tonight or next week, but right now it's okay). We do the whole bath, brush teeth, story--- I read one picture book and then he has to lay down and I read a chapter or two of a chapter book--- and then prayers/kisses/hugs. After he is tucked in, I get to leave the room and have some time alone, my only requirement for him is that he stays in his room. He can turn the big light on, he can look at books, he can play with whatever so long as he stays in his room. If he's not asleep by the time I am done with whatever I am doing, then I will go back in and lay down with him till he drifts off--- this generally happens sooner than if I just try to stay in there the whole time and get frustrated and irritated, he's had a chance to play quietly and decompress himself so he sleeps easier.

[Stefanierose88]

just wanted to say that mine are 3, 2 and 3 months! I know how frustrating it can be and we doubt ourselves because SURELY MY CHILD SHOULD be behaving better by now!

I am becoming more and more convinced that their age is a big part of it.

Also, I notice a BIG difference in my 3yr olds behavior when I make a point to spend 1-1 time with her!